Should I DA myself?

by OMG! Now What? 36 Replies latest jw experiences

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  OMG! Now What?

  I wish I could name each and every one of you individually to thank you, but I never expected so many kind, caring, real and encouraging comments. So, THANK YOU to all of you who have replied so far.

  I accidentally came across this site and didn't browse around too long before deciding to write about my experience and seek input. At first, I didn't know what I would write, so I put it off for a day or so mostly because I felt so helpless and lost. I'm so glad I didn't delay too long. Everything mentioned so far has been a tremendous help to me. The most difficult obstacle I need to overcome is deprogramming myself from their grip. It's like I've just been awakened from a deep sleep/trance and I'm disoriented somewhat. My brain is at the verge of overload from trying to sort out reality from their delusions. Wouldn't it be interesting if they were caused to face a class action lawsuit for psychological damages?

  So, again, thank you all who have responded so far and are supporting my decision to finally break free. Even though I stopped going to meetings a year and half ago, it wasn't until recently that I consciously decided to cut the cord. Fading is apparently two-fold and I've only really completed the physical aspect of it so far. I've got a long way to go and am so glad I found JWD. Yay!
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  OMG! Now What?

  Oh, I fogot to mention that you have all helped me realize that writing that letter would also be a waste of my time and is not worth the emotional or psychological effort either. You're right about the letter making me feel better because I could tell them off and feel like I have the last word. However, I know for a fact that I wouldn't have the last word, even if I don't hear what they say, since they are professional truth twisters. Just the thought of pouring out my passions about them on paper actually doesn't even make me feel better because I know that is exactly what they are waiting for me to do. I refuse to play their game any longer. Besides, aren't they the most gossipy, two-faced people? I would hate to give them more pleasure in having a new topic to gossip about. I'm going to let them pick someone else to gossip about since they have hurt me enough.
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  Dismembered

  Greetings Mia,

  If they attempt to contact you, tell them to kiss your ass.

  Dismembered
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  AK - Jeff

  OMG, Welcome to the healing waters of JWD.

  As I read your account, I harkened back to my early awareness of the lack of love in the congregation. In fact when I joined JWD, I listed this statement on my profile:

  30 + years a witness - found that missing love triggered my doubts - trying to rebuild a Christian Life without all the lies, and hatred.

  I saw many of the same things you stated, both personally and from a distance as an observer. The organization has never understood Christian love. How can they? They follow a 'Governing Board' with corporate directives, not Christ's example. I was looking thru the March 15th Kool-aid edition of the Watchtower. The pictures there depict well dressed salespeople, not Christian ministers that they claim to be. Sorry for your pain - welcome. Jeff
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  looloo

  you will meet new friends and some of your old ones from"the world" i did , i went through a real low but am now free and fairly happy considering the shit we have been through with the court case . a jw recently said to me that she is glad i called the police on the guy that had abused her daughter and mine amongst others bcause no jw would ever have dared to report it bcause of the trouble it would cause in the cong !
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  BreakingAway

  Hello Mia,

  You'll notice that I'm new here too.After being an elder for a number of years I finally left over six months ago, although I was "fading" long before that.You definitely made the right choice and I too came to the sad realization that friendships I thought were genuine are, in fact, rather superficial and completely conditional.What happend to a "friend sticking closer than a brother" ? You are not alone and there are many leaving the org.I know it's such a confusing time ,things will become more clear as time goes on.And things that aren't so clear ? Well, there's somewhat of an "unusual" solace, a peace, that it's okay not to know all the answers to everything and that you've taken control of your own life and never again will anyone else have such power over you.You're free !

  BA
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  JWdaughter

  Welcome MIA!!
  
  (Do you feel love bombed yet??) We are all to some extent understanding where you are coming from.
  
  From your OP, it seems you are more worried about your children's reaction to all this-the deprivation first, and NOW WHAT?. For them, I would hope you would say that you made a mistake with getting involved in the org. and you hope they will be patient with you as you re-evaluate. Then read the NT and see what it says without any 'helps' or commentaries (for the first read, anyway). Then look into any things that don't seem clear after seeing the whole. It may look a lot different than the WT makes it look in its piecemeal fashion. Holidays, celebrations, choir. . .decide for yourself what the Bible actually says. You don't need to use another man's reasoning to decide for your children (and I imagine their father will maybe want to have some input here, or maybe help you work it out with the kids-he's part of them also)
  
  Your outside associations and friendships are now very limited -which probably makes your life a little lonely. Now with all your spare time, see about involving yourself in other groups and associations that interest you. Hobbies, cooking, sports-whatever. You will make new connections.
  
  This 'brother' you were seeing is still in the congregation and not been disciplined for his porn issues. You have done your part regarding the police, but you might want to call the station and check up on the status of his prosecution (or if there is one), and why not, if not. You will be surprised at what things they may be forthcoming about. After there is a police report made, there is stuff that is avail to public, and police like folks who turn in the bad guys. You may want to put a little pressure on the elders about this: the congregation needs to know and even the elders know they can't get away with sweeping it under the rug anymore. They think they have shut you up. Don't let them. At some point, if you have NOT been DF'd, you might want to write a letter to the cong. letting them know there is a predator (don't name if he is not convicted of a related crime) in their congregation. Whether they treat you right or not, their kids don't need to be exposed to that-and who knows why he was dating you or who he may date in the future??? He likes kids inappropriately and dates a woman with kids. Hmm.
  
  I wish you well and happy. I hope you find some of the answers you need, some closure and that you and the children can just be happy and have a lot of good family time now that you aren't stressing on the meetings/FS.
  
  Cheers!
  
  Shelly