by AWAKE&WATCHING 23 Replies latest jw friends
Awake&Watching - There is nothing wrong with you at all. Some people are able to move on from terrible things that happen to them more quickly than others. We are all different so its wonderful if you can and its not just that stuff is buried deep down so you aren't aware of it at this time - not necessarily so in your case.
Maddie
I do believe most of my problems came from being a jws. I was born in and knew no other way of life. If i had another way of life to fall back on perhaps it would have been easier. but when you have no other pre- cult personality-it's very hard.
respectfully disagree- most of my problems have come from being raised with dysfunctional parents who were also raised dysfunctionally as jws.
this is a what jws say, we are whiners and blame it all on them. it happens to be true in many cases.
A&W,
Yes and No.
I think that recovering from traumatic situations in life is a lot like peeling an onion. You get over one hurdle, and then somewhere down the road is another layer that gets peeled. It hurts, you come to terms with it, and move on again. There will be instances in your life that being up repressed feelings, and you will get a sharp dose of pain again. You learn to use coping skills to deal with the pain and get over it.
A friend of mine has a saying I like: "Pain is necessary, suffering is optional." Having your positive attitude will help, but recovery is a never ending process.
(((((((((((((((A&W))))))))))))))
John
A&W,
It all boils down to interpetation, both on the conscious and subconscious level that determines how traumas we go thru in life effect us. That being said,, repression of some traumatic events may need to be brought to the conscious level and reavaluated with improved understanding and interpetation on a conscious level to bring relief, and is often done on a psychiatrists(as in any profession some are great other very mediocre) couch over many expensive visits, or one simply does this on his own and comes to moments of clearity where he sees and transformation occures in that one moment(for the do it yourselfers(the lucky ones)).
A&W,
As reguard to a person being molested as a child and recovering from it emotionally. I think many in society today make it much harder to recover from what was done to them, simply by the way they sypathize with the victim. Claimming that such molestation "ruined them for the rest of thier lives" as it offers no hope, and can lead the victim to think they are permanantly scared for life, and blame the molester for all their problems as a result.
As a child(age 4 or 5 yrsold) I was molested(intercource with baby sitter), it didn't seem to carry lasting mental scaring in my case, perhaps becuase it only happened a few times, or because I had a lot of other things that captured my attention, it was soon forgotten, I don't think repressed because when I recalled these events(while having orgasm durring sex, more than 30yrs past the events(weird)) they were not painful, slightly errotic, and somewhat insightful. I tried to recall them latter that night durring twilight sleep and was able to recall many details which led me to determined they were real occurances, and that was it,, just a few days, or maybe weeks of introspection in my case.
Now I realize that some have had far more severe trauma over this, and go to a psychiatrist that may actually make matters worse or better depending on the psychciatrist own mental developement, getting it in perspective to me is the best thing one can do with or with out psychiatric help. But to tell someone the damage is permanant does a lot of harm, and may lead one down the path of self pity, and despair, which only waste energy.
Frankie
I don't want to open a huge can of worms but i beg to differ. I know in that in some areas fathers take their sons to prostitutes for sort of an initiation into manhood. and boys often fantasize about 'hot' teachers etc. You see this in the movies. There does seem to be a difference between( in acceptance) the older male teacher having sex with 16 yr old girl as opposed to the female teacher having sex with the 16 boy. There should not be. Boys are harmed by this too. The same as the saying "boys don't cry' . sure they do. they are hurt just like girls.
Perhaps we are on a bit of a witch hunt, accusing everyone of being child molesters ( ie a 16 yr old boy and a 14 yr old girl) etc. But exploitation of children can /does have lasting and often subtle effects.
if we err on the safe side it is for protection of children. adults should never have sex with children and thankfully the light is being shined on this horrible practice and people are being exposed for what they are, child molesters, whether it is boy or girl
AWAKE & WATCHING- Hey Robin. It is good you feel a positive attitude about how far you have come in escaping a " mind control cult ". But part of being a balanced and reasonable human being is also allowing ourselves to feel pain at times also. There may be times when some flashback will occur and will make you feel sad. It is part of healing and living life. I don't think we ever get to a stage when everything is " perfect" so to speak , however keeping that positive attitude you have is a great way to cope with any prospective difficulties you may encounter .
So, nothing is wrong with you- you are fine. The witness religion always made us feel we were " sinful", missing something about ourselves, or made us feel we were not good enough . But, give yourself credit for the good you do, and the happiness you have been able to attain. You should take credit for that; and feel good about it . Having a love of yourself will help you keep a level head if any down times come to you. Peace out, sis, good luck, Mr. Flipper
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You got some heavy duty Judy material here.
When I was 32 years old and had just disassociated myself from the JW’s, I began to have flashbacks of my grandmother, my hero molesting me.
Is that a freudian slip, you dont elaborate. What would bring the flashbacks on. Some suggestion from somone. Trying to relive past lives? Regression therapy?
Some things are easier for some people than others. People like us is the reason there are self help books, pyschologist, therapist and alcohol.
Alcohol is my drug and therapy of choice, If its applied judiciously it has less ramifications and stigma than the other therapies.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotimy. Which is one means of rebooting your hard drive.
Good luck, hang in there keep trucking.
I'm kind of convinced life is hills and valleys, which mental health care profesionals describe as bi-polar.
Those that dont like the sensation going down or the anticipation riding up to the top end up taking chemical cocktails.
Good luck. Whatever you do.
Your response is not that odd, Awake and Watching. I have many friends who have overcome horrific circumstances. As a result, they have chosen attack life with a sort of positive fierceness, not willing to give the darkness one more day.
I know I'm like that. And I relate to others who respond in the same way.
I want to thank all of you for responding and I'd like to reply to each one of you a few at a time.
COCO - Wow, I didn't realize I was stealing the name of your thread. I take it as a compliment that I'm in such good company. I very much enoyed reading your thread, it made me feel a lot better about the way I've been feeling.
changeling - I was searching for something when I came into contact with the JW's. It was a shock to discover years later that I hadn't found the answers that I thought I'd found. It was very liberating as well to make this discovery because I no longer have to feel that no matter how much I do I'll never measure up. In the last 7 months that I have been away I have learned so much about myself, most of which I like.
My daughter was in rehab almost 2 years ago and attending group sessions with her and lectures as well also helped me tremendously. That experience probably helped me more than I realize as far as being able to see the cult for what it really is.I have battle scars, but I am on the right path and no longer vulnerable to abuse in my opinion. I truly believe "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
Gopher - That means a lot coming from you. You are always so level-headed and helpful. You talked me through a bad time and I am thankful for it. I do believe I have come to terms with my past experiences and am optimistic although not blindly so.
journey-on - I guess what has had me worried, even feeling guilty, is that I am able to use my inner strength and I see so many that don't have that. Maybe akin to survivor's guilt. I refuse to be a victim and I consciously CHOOSE to be happy almost on a daily basis.
llbh - I do have very good friends, "worldly" friends that I made and kept over the years and now XJW's that I've met here on this site. I am very careful to surround myself with positve people, I have had enough negative people in my life. It has been my view that you "make" your family. You can't choose your relatives but you can create your own family from people that that are mutually supportive of you.The ability to eliminate negative influences from my life is my coping mechanism and I think a healthy one.
I really do care about each and every one of you. Thank you for taking time to respond. Good health to you!
