I remember meeting you at brunch, i am big d, so sorry for your pain, i like you am self employed, and a t times i await large checks from clients, some never come!!!!!!!
But though i do not know your specific pains, iam a divorced , single dad raising 3 boys alone, i know something of pain!!
I once wrote daily in a journal, though my own thoughts were not known to even me at the time, they, when read back at a much later time, show what we are dealing with in our minds, maybe that would help you, it helped give me direction, in my time of loss and misdirection in my life, be strong, big d