Husband talking about having kids, reading awake to me, keeps asking ???

by cognac 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cognac

  so, first he calls me at work, we've been getting along fine, and asks me the % of how much I want to be in the truth. I told him 50/50. I like the spiritual aspect of it, the people, etc. but, there is always this overwhelming guilt with it. Guilt about what they have done to people, going beyond the scriptures, etc so it bothers me a lot I told him.

  I also told him that I wouldn't ruin anything for him and keep things just between us. As long as he is willing to listen to what I have to say without being preachy and just trying to get a jw answer, I am willing to keep him happy by supporting him if he wants to be an MS, pioneer, etc. I won't ever make him look bad and I will do everything to make him happy as long as he does the same for me. I will just keep things between us. so, he seems fine with that and I can be more open about my feelings. guess its an ok trade off.

  So, he's talking about having kids and starts reading that awake on raising kids with me. It was nice to do this and 1/2 of me really likes doing this with him. I just feel this bit of pain inside because of what's associated with the society...

  I hate this conflict in me. i wish I could appreciate the good from the WT more because they have some nice articles that's kind of sweet to study over with your mate... Just wish this bad feeling wasn't always there and wish they didn't do all these other things so it would be easier to appreciate the good things that do come from them...
• 

  Vinny

  Unfortunately, from all that I have seen, the more time that passes, the less you will want to just "go along with the program". At some point you really can't stand all the hypocrisy and "conditional" friendships.
  
  It can be very difficult raising kids together, with one parent in and another out (or even just barely in).
  
  I'd suggest you go real slow and see how you feel in a month.
  
  And then two months...
  
  etc...
• 

  cognac

  True Vinny... I will keep reevaluating my situation...

  He has never been really strict at all. I hope that things will dimmer a bit. I used to be the really strict one, pressuring him to do more all the time. He was never crazy with it, just liked being around it, the idea of it, etc. i think he talks about pioneering, doubt he will actually do it.

  Considering his personality, I have no idea why he wants to be an MS. i think he must think that its "about that time" or something...

  I'm already setting things up to switch halls. Hopefully, we can at least get away with attending less meetings, cause it was always me for about 6 months of our marriage pushing it anyways... If I hadn't pushed, he would have probably been going to about 1/3 by now...
• 

  freeme

  i just can tell you my perspective: ive been confronted with the same wish from my wife. and i cant. i want kids too, but not under this circumstances. i know the problems that caused this religion in my life - i cant do this to innocent lifes. im still in and go "along", but its getting more and more difficult for me to stand it :-/
• 

  fokyc

  OK - so just wait until you are ready to have children, just when you are enjoying things

  He will probably suddenly remember an important item from the watchtower he meant to tell you about or

  what a wondeful talk a bro gave that evening; it can be a real turn off, I know

  fokyc
• 

  cognac

  yeah, I'll see how it goes... i won't have kids this second, maybe I'll recheck the situation in about a year or so...

  Your right, there is way to much going on right now anyways...

  Anyone ever get that guilty feeling though, just by reading a simple awake or something? that is so weird to me, because some of the articles are nice to read...
• 

  Scully

  Are you sure you are ready for kids? You realize that kids will complicate your situation exponentially - there will be conflict over whether they are/aren't raised as JWs, whether they will/won't get blood transfusions in an emergency, whether they will/won't have holidays/birthdays. It's ok to acquiesce your own wishes and do the JW thing so as not to embarrass your husband - that's your call. But you may get very resentful when it comes to your kids, and you really aren't into it wholeheartedly and, in fact, have intellectually rejected the JWs as The Truth™.
• 

  cognac

  Scully -

  Your right. I thought I fixed the holiday things cause my husband and I agreed that we would celebrate something different on each holiday so they wouldn't feel left out. Even though I don't agree with the society, I still don't think I can really celebrate the holidays... Some things, I still hang on to...

  We decided that they can be raised around the truth, but not to strict about it. And they can't get baptised until they know what they are getting involved with and i would make sure to give them all the warnings...

  Crap, the blood issue... wow, that sucks... my husband knows how I feel about that. i told him I would give my child blood and that if they decided when they are older that they wouldn't want it, that's up to them. Not sure if he's in agreement. I gotta check up on that...

  But, you guys are right. The more I'm away from this cult, the more I may see things differently. I gotta give it some more time...
• 

  LouBelle

  cognac - just take it day by day, don't pre-empt anything. Sooner or later I think you'll have to make a decision - us humans like to have direction. Some other poster mentions the more you learn the harder it gets to keep quiet.

  so day by day.
• 

  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  My husband and I have long deep conversations, but not about the bible or any religion, but rather our goals, our wants, etc. If religion was a requirement for these special times, I'd pass.