It's not you....it's me....so a damn good marriage is about to end... (page 5)

mkr32208

Before you call it a day tell her straight up "this is how I feel and why... Deal or hit the bricks..." She might just come around... I mean really wtf have you got to lose right? (don't be a dick about it but be firm)

As for the other man up and stop bitching! You tell your son how it is, tell him why you don't believe and why he shouldn't either! He's young enough that he will probrably listen to you still! Quit crying and f%cking around and DO IT ALREADY!

(is that enough of a kick for you? =)

Locutus of Borg

Last one to the party . . as usual

Oompa, you do need a swift kick in the nads . . . . Grow some balls and Cowboy the f**k up!!

luv ya dude.

LouBelle

Look ooompa I don't know you from a bar of soap, I read a lot of your posts and you always (well most of the time) come across as down/depressed.

It's your choice - you can choose to just accept where you are at this point in your life - accept your eyes have been opened and your wifes hasn't. Continue to love her - surely you had more in common than religion??? and make your peace with it. Who knows - if she sees how you are improving/ progressing with your life & still loving her - things could get better.

No hugs and tip toeing as you specifically asked for a kick up the ass.

Everyone is at different points in their walk they call life - you can only accept that and move on - no point mulling over it.

(hope I haven't crossed a line)

delilah

My mom is an alcoholic and you know what? I won't even answer my phone anymore when she calls at 5pm because I know she's drunk, or well on her way.

I love her to bits, and it kills me to do this, but she went to AA and was recovered for 3 years or so, then hit the bottle again. I worry about her getting into the hottub by herself, falling asleep and drowning, but there's nothing I can do, as she lives an hour and a half away from me.

You're going to let alcohol ruin your marriage? That's crazy man.

Get yourself to AA and stop buying booze. It's not your friend, it's your enemy. Only YOU, can help yourself.

You are hurting your family by being like this....as someone else said, stop the pity party and get on with your life.

BurnTheShips

Get off the effing sauce and get off your ass.

Witchs Son

Didn't read it all but do you two have kids together?

On the other hand in marriage or any other de facto relationship you really want to be with someone who makes you feel alive, who challanges you to be your best how is there when you cry and who understand your thoughts before you even open your mouth. It is a beautiful unstable mix that makes every day new excitement worth living for. Stability is just a myth that is other word for boredom and lack of courage. True stability comes from being with someone who stands by you despite differences in opinion. If she wants to be with you despite everything then I would say you have to stick in there and don't give up on her if she is not giving up on you. But that is just my opinion.

Usually in long relationships we start taking someone for granted after a while and begin thinking that grass is greener elsewhere only to realize what we have lost when it is too late to go back. Giving up on someone is not a better way only when we endure with someone through fire is that we can love them even more.

Mrs. Witness

Oompa,

I have a recovering alcoholic husband, an alcoholic brother, and a grandmother who died, riddled with cancer, with a low ball glass of Wild Turkey in her hand. Man, booze kills...brain cells, families, relationships, and your soul. I agree with those that said to man up, grow balls, cowboy up, or as Gordon Ramsey says "get some bollocks". My brother lost his wife of 20 years because of booze and one of his two kids will have nothing to do with him because she can't stand his drinking. You don't want that. It sounds like you love your wife and your kids. Put your bottle down, stand up, man up, tell the borg "f*** you" and get on with your life. YOU run your life. Now live it.

Mrs. Witness.

OnTheWayOut

......OTWO says hang in there...

I have not read further than your initial post on this thread.

OTWO makes suggestions- he does not dictate your life.
He has never met you, he cannot feel your turmoil.

That said, I believe I suggested professional counseling for you and your wife.
I believe you said she refused. (If I am wrong, see how much OTWO knows
about your life).
I believed by the things you said, that there is proof that she cares about
you. I believe I said much of my advice because you were depressed and possibly
self-destructive. You have children and a loving wife. Everything is not perfect,
but I was just trying to point out that there is plenty for you to "stay" for.

If you are miserable, if counseling is not an option, if you are pretty sure you
will be more self-destuctive WITH your wife than without her, feel free to pursue
your own conclusions. Talk with your therapist/friends/associates that actually
know you.

If it helps, Oompa- OTWO deeply loves his wife, but he has said that he may not be
so forgiving if she "turned him in to the elders" for reading apostate materials and visiting
apostate websites and (worst of all) eating with DF'ed former JW's.

Now, I will read the rest.

OnTheWayOut

Okay, I have read the other thoughts now.

Outlaw said it best. Get your life together.
You can move ahead as much as you can. Join AA to help with the drinking.
Join a gym. Take adult classes. Start meeting with other ex-JW's openly.
Do whatever it takes to get Oompa on track. Tell your wife as much as you
need to tell her how you are taking care of yourself, getting help, starting to
try to enjoy life again.

This stuff is easier said than done. I have been "stalled" in my life. I have been
bitter about what a waste the past 2 decades have been. I did join AA. I do
go to the gym. I do meet other ex-JW's, not really openly, but not hiding in a
corner either. I am moving on, but I still wallow in depression and waste a bunch
of time. I come to JWD a bit too much. Still, progress is being made. I am
managing to stay off the booze. That is a huge roadblock I am tackling.
One day at a time. How about you stay sober today? Tomorrow, well- first
get through today.

tan

I hope goes well for the both of you.

It's not you....it's me....so a damn good marriage is about to end...

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