For anyone thinking of having kids with a JW..

by avishai 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • Layla33
    Layla33
    PLEASE do not reproduce with a JW!! Growing up JW sucks big time. Out in the cold in service, out in the heat in service, 30 hours a week of meetings, service, prep, family study (at least) on top of homework, chores, limited access to friends, getting dragged in front of a JC every time a stupid rumor comes up, constant pressure to "narc" on your friends, no extracurricular activities, no higher education, having to hate everyone not a JW etc, having to kiss ass to anyone who has abused you/screwed you over if you don't have "proof"... Any more reasons?

    You articulate so well how childhood is for a JW. Something you wrote really stood out in my mind, as I remember seeing some JW friends of ours when we were all teenagers making out on the school bus. I remember going home and telling my brothers about it and being forced to tell on them. It was horrible. So many issues fell on that family after that. Both of the boys were kicked out of the house, they lived in their car for a while, then one of the boys, I will call him "Ken" got a girl pregnant, so his parents took both the sons back in. I don't think either son completed high school or both got their GEDs. Well, one day the son "Ken" was working on his car and the car fell on top of him and killed him. The other son, let's call him "G" was in a horrible accident that nearly killed him and affected his brain functions to this day.

    So much telling on each other, sometimes lying on each other, the spiritual cliques and everything else. The backbiting, the fury of not being able to pick your own friends. I remember it well.

  • dawg
    dawg

    Avi, you sexy bitch... I bet there are hundereds of ladies wanting your JW children...LOL!

    Cognac-read this thread once again, I know you're at a crossroads, but do you really want kids enslaved to the WT dogma,. to suffer what you're only now going through? I know I wouldn't! I'll be happy to have kids one day, free from thie JW bullshit... come on ladies... I'm too tall, too tan, too sexy. too rich... what ya say... its a choice between me an Avi, that bald headed bitch... I have all my hair...LOL...

  • cognac
    cognac

    Dawg~

    Totally understand you... Let me just make sure I got this straight...

    This is what I got:

    Abusive Dad - for years...

    Sucky religion

    1st husband = abusive

    2nd husband = part of a religion that kills people

    family won't talk to me because I'm questioning a religion that kills people...

    AND NOW I CAN'T HAVE KIDS????????? What the hell do I have to live for??? Good God, this is awful. What the hell is next??? My life f'ing sucks...

  • JK666
    JK666

    Just a little snippet of the joys of being raised a JW:

    I was a good kid, even conducting a Book Study at age 13, and I KNEW Jehovah would kill me at Armaggedon. I wonder why I was depressed!

    JK

  • cognac
    cognac

    btw - my marriage sucks... All because I want to follow the bible...

  • avishai
    avishai

    (((((cognac))))
    Sometimes the red pill is hard to swallow...

  • cognac
    cognac

    avi ~

    This goes way beyond that... I just don't even know what else I'm even living for. It's like, everything I've ever had is gone. That includes, belief system, family, husband, now kids... I'm not saying I'm suicidal or anything, but just that now I don't have any dreams... This goes so way beyond something being difficult to handle, this is every hope and dream I've ever had...

    For example, when I was little all my brothers and sisters used to dream about the different things (professions) they wanted to be when they grew up... I used to dream about being dirt poor, living in a tent, being a missionary. For years I dreamed about that. I wanted to sacrifice everything in behalf of Jehovah... I never, ever for even a moment, thought that sacrifice may be my family, hopes, dreams, kids, etc... This is way harder then I ever thought possible...

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    Cognca

    You are making the classic new ex-JW mistake of narrowing yourself down to only two choices. This is the type of black and white thinking that JW's teach you to do. It's hard to stop even when you leave. First you have to notice that you are doing it.

    JW's cannot MAKE you give up having kids anymore than they can MAKE you do anything. The only power they have over you is what you allow them.

    You have a number of choices here. First of all, does your husband want kids? If he does would he be willing to give up raising them as JW's in order to keep you and his family in tact? Would you both be willing to compromise and agree not to raise the children in any religion and let them decide for themselves when adults? (Many people do this, it is a valid choice) Would you both be willing to compromise and teach them equally what you believe, expose them equally and again, let them decide when they are adults what they will choose. Many people in the world of mixed religious marriages also use this approach successfully. My belief is that most kids, if given a choice, wouldn't choose JW, so I don't think it is a big risk on your part.

    If your husband agrees to none of these options, you may have to decide what you want more, the marriage without kids, or kids with someone else. Either way, you are still free to make a choice here. Not an easy choice, by any means, but the power is still yours. You just have to take it!

    Cog

  • avishai
    avishai

    CD, great post, tunnel vision does tend to be a problem with us.

  • cognac
    cognac
    You are making the classic new ex-JW mistake of narrowing yourself down to only two choices. This is the type of black and white thinking that JW's teach you to do. It's hard to stop even when you leave. First you have to notice that you are doing it.

    You are right... But I just associate him with being apart of murderers.... And I can't accept that... Its so difficult, and the white and black thing you speak about is so right... I just don't know how to get out of thinking that I am having kids with somebody that supports murdering people... Even if he doesn't realize he's doing it, he is, in fact doing it. And I want no part of it, and I don't want my kids any part of it and I don't want to be married to somebody that is any part of it... Please, show me how to adjust my viewpoint so that I can have kids....

    I will ask him the other questions you have said when we are on speaking terms...

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