How do I go out with new ex-dub friends with my wife still in? Tell or lie

oompa

With my 22 year old df'd son in a very nearby city, and having met a few here that I want to do stuff with, how do I go about this? Thanks to my son, who has some older df'd friends, I was able to spend a couple of weeks at the beach together with them the last two summers. It was me and five evil df'd ones on my boat, so I called a dub friend who was friends with the beach gang, and told him I was on the USSDF!

I only have one or two "worldly" friends, but dang I think I am drawn to df side because we have so much more in common now. The thing is, I still like several of my old dub friends, and once in awhile, my wife and I will still do the social stuff with them, but I feel a bit of a freak.

I really don't know if I should just say, "Honey, I going out with some friends that you really would not approve of. I hope you understand. You have all your meeting friends, and I have some friends I want to do non-meeting stuff with. Don't wait up...love you....bye"......................................oompa

JK666

Oompa,

It can actually be easier when you are disfellowshipped, because the decision who you can meet with is already made for you. Options are then limited. I do have friends that do not care about the rules, and meet with me anyway, much like you and the beach gang.

JK

darkuncle29

I don't think you should lie, but to omit the details of theire JW status sounds ok. Just don't volountere information that is not requested or relevant. Have fun.

cognizant dissident

Actually, I would just say, "honey, I'm going out with some friends this weekend". You don't have to announce their religious status at all. That is such a JW way to categorize people. I have learned most people make freinds and go hang out with them, not even bothering to find out where they stand on religon or politics. If she asks you where you met them, you can tell her or not. You are a grown man. You do not have to get your wife's permission to choose your friends or to go out with them. If she makes an issue of it, I would just let her know that, kindly but firmly.

Cog

sweetface2233

Although, it could be worded a little differently, what is wrong w/ addressing that she has her meetings and JW friends (which you do not approve of) and you can have your friends (which she wouldn't approve of)? Its not like you are having an affair w/ them. Anyway, I thought you said you guys were getting a separation. Did you work things out or are you still headed in that direction? Either way, haven't you had enough of people telling you who you can and can't be friends w/?

MMae

I concur. Let us know how your wife responds. And have a good time!

oompa

CogDis: Actually, I would just say, "honey, I'm going out with some friends this weekend".

Ha, that is what normal people would say. Dubs are not normal people and there are a few idiots out there that still consider me one. She pretty much thinks all my friends are hers too. And that is a dang good way to have a great marriage. But of course she would have every right to want to know where I was going, and who I would be with. She could easily think I was having an affair.......................................oompa

oompa

Sweetface: Its not like you are having an affair w/ them. Anyway, I thought you said you guys were getting a separation.

If I cant tell her what I am up to and with whom, she very well could think I am having an affair. OTWO is in AA and so can go out, and just see friends if he wants to, and they may be AA friends. It has been a very rough two years since my awakening. She is a great wife, and I feel a better wife than I am husband, especially being on a ton of meds and drinking too much booze.

We could be a great couple, except that I just dont fit in with her faith, lifestyle, and most friends. I am the one that has changed. Even she reached the point where she finally said that for the first time ever, she wondered if we are going to make it. I am really trying to improve myself in several areas, and part of that may be just to see how many things we can do as a couple that have nothing to do with JW's.....................................oompa

ps....divorce generally sucks...had one already....nightmare

cognizant dissident

If you want to BE a normal non-JW adult, then start by acting the part. You can tell her where you are going and who you will be with. That's just common courtesy. You don't have to ask her permission though. You are not 12.

Cog

oompa

cog: You are not 12.

No but when my mommy/wife told on me to the elders for being on JWD after just two weeks.....it caused a lot of problems. She knows I am here a lot now, and lets it slide ( so did the elders btw). But I guess I have that childlike worry that if she rats me out again, I will get the official label, and that could suck as to big family in (4th gen). I will not lie or sneak around...I am an adult.

What I want to know is should I just lay my cards on the table....assure her of my love, but ask her to please respect my privacy, and not mention who I am socializing to any of her dubs, esp elders? That is she cant agree to that, then we do indeed have a deal breaker..........................................oompa

How do I go out with new ex-dub friends with my wife still in? Tell or lie

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