This really sucks…Living a double life for the sake of family...

by tooktheredpill 22 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  tooktheredpill

  Guys: I just need to vent a little…

  As you may know, I’ve been working for a couple of months, trying to make my wife think by herself. She started to do it, and I noticed it when she started arguing with her parents about some WT policies some weeks ago. I thought it was great!

  Last night she went to give a “bible study” with a friend of us. When my wife returned home, she was “sooo happy, because she found somebody that wants to start studying”… with ME!!!! She made arrangements to start next Monday!!!

  She caught me completely off-guard!!! I never thought it was going to be so difficult to maintain my face straight in front of her… It was the first time that this happens to me. I didn’t want to be rude to her saying “I don’t want to do it” or “I’m not interested”. I wasn't prepared to argue or give explanations at that moment.

  So I told her that I will go… with a fake smile…

  I really don’t want to convince ANYONE to join this CULT!!!

  The funny thing was that she asked me before going to sleep: Are you really happy that I found somebody that wants to start studying with you???

  I just said “yeah”, and kiss her goodnight…

  Do you have similar experiences??
• 

  Mickey mouse

  Yes, it's not easy is it? I'm still coming to terms with awakening and assessing whether my husband will be receptive to change. It's so hard doing the double life thing though. I change the subject a lot.
• 

  sacolton

  Just tell the person you're studying with (in private) that the organization is a cult.
• 

  LouBelle

  I really don't know how you can do it - especially as your knowledge of the organisation grows. Be truthful with the study - tell them they don't want to study with you as it's not all what they say it - tell him to run and to never ever accept another study offer from a JW.
• 

  BurnTheShips

  I had a similar situation towards the end Took.

  Give a boring crappy study. They will get bored and move on.

  Burn
• 

  chickpea

  with a subtle agenda of getting the friend to accept nothing at face value, to research for themselves the deficiencies of the b0rg, it is likely that no thinking person can get beyond the contrast of the public face vs the private "settlement" with survivors of childhood sexual abuse....... one visit to silent lambs ought to sour the deal, one can hope

  so very sorry that there is such a rift in your life..... keep hope alive, mate.... shakespeare was right >>> truth WILL out ..... and i mean the truth about the WTS
• 

  outofthebox

  I hope you don't have to, but If you must to do it for the sake of the family, teach the student about the Bible and nothing more! Help the student to investigate and learn for himself. That will be enough.

  On a related note: Man. That sucks. I don't even know what to say. But here is an idea: Do you have family study? Maybe that can help your wife. Do a serious study with your wife about, for instance... the Generation changes (Mat 24:34). Tell her to prepare for that. She can do her research and you can do yours. Use only WT literature. Let her comment about here findings. And ask her what are her conclusions.

  You can read with her 2 Cor. 11. That in part says:

  3 But I am afraid that somehow, as the serpent seduced Eve by its cunning, YOUR minds might be corrupted away from the sincerity and the chastity that are due the Christ. 4 For, as it is, if someone comes and preaches a Jesus other than the one we preached, or YOU receive a spirit other than what YOU received, or good news other than what YOU accepted, YOU easily put up [with him].

  13 For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder, for Satan himself keeps transforming himself into an angel of light.

  This portion of the Bible basically says: We may have accepted corrupted information different than what the Bible says. If that information is not in the Bible, but it is just a interpretation, it could be just a human interpretation with no value (a simple theory) or even worse it can come from Satan himself and his "light".

  You can add: "If the WT don't know what that text about the generation means, how can be sure the interpretation of the rest of the chapter is correct".

  Last advice: Keep the topic. Any other topics can be added in a list for the next family study. If she wants you to teach somebody else, she should let you study with her too.

  Make sense? I hope it helps.

  -ootb
• 

  tooktheredpill

  Guys: Thanks for your comments.

  Sacolton: As English is not my first language, sometimes I make mistakes as I try to explain myself.

  I think you misunderstood what I tried to say. Let me clarify the situation again:

  I'm NOT the one who is going to start studying the bible! I'm JW Elder! (not too proud and trying to step down, by the way...)

  My wife wants me to start conducting a bible study with the husband of the lady that is studying with my wife. I DON'T want to teach anything WT to anybody!!
• 

  blondie

  I have seen husbands of jw wives study and nothing comes of it. Just be sure of what you believe and the basis of it. jws expect people to just parrot what is in the paragraph.
• 

  The Scotsman

  Hi tooktheredpill

  At the moment my situation is very similar. I am trying to fade gradually and my wife is beginning to see the change.

  I was an elder up to November 07 and stood down, ever since I have been playing this double role which I HATE doing.

  I have discussed some of my concerns with my wife and she just stops me when she does not know how to answer. Once again i HATE putting her in this position. I recently was asked to do a bible reading at the hall, gut feeling was "i do not want to" but to keep the fade going I had to appear to be still a JW at heart. But i understand your problem - you will be like me and many others, you have zero motivation in helping others come into the org.

  Perhaps it is time for a real heart to heart with your dear wife!!!! I do not mean tell her everything but perhaps just say you have your doubts, faith in org is weaker than it used to be and perhaps someone else should take the bible study. In the end, if you try and conduct the study you will find it a real challenge to keep it up.

  I love my wife more than anything else, the same as you feel regarding your wife I am sure, but my wife gets emotional when I discuss having doubts about the org. I have tried to break the news gradually and it is getting there.

  I suppose above all else we owe our companions in life some honesty but its easier said than done. It is like puling the carpet from under there feet. A few months ago I had had a few drinks and started saying to much, I told my wife about the Child Molestation, UN scandal etc etc. I said I found meetings hard going. She started to well up. She pointed at our favourite painting on the wall, a couple walking through the Canadian countryside, and she said "thats us in the new system", "I want to live forever with you"!!

  Well it ripped my heart in two!!! In fact I am getting quite emotional typing this....

  I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your difficulties.