I have just spent the last 4 hours reading many various posts and finally built up the courage to register and share my experiences. I am only 20 years old, but my young age should not overlook my intelligence as an observing individual. I was born into the religion of The Jehova's Witnesses. I always found it wierd how after all of the positive resanance and uplifting someone should get for attending the church in the god in which they believe in so devoutly, that they can just transform into the most awful excuse for a human being. With this, I mean my father. I must admit, him and my mother had a ton of problems, I still recall elders coming to my house, the constant tension I felt, not knowing why I felt it, but only because I was a pawn. My grandfather who is a disgusting dirtbag who can rot in hell was also such a supposed devout member. But yet he beat his children and his wife just as my father did to me and my family. I am the only boy in a family of 3. Being the middle child as well doesn't help. As a child life was all about adapting. And when I mean adapting, I mean having to mentally anchor the name of the man my mom is cheating on with my father so I dont make the mistake and call him the wrong name. And after editing my words for an entire day, just before he was dropping me and my sisters off, my younger sister just so happened to call him the wrong name. I got whipped with a telephone wire and a tree branch. When I used to go to the kingdom hall me and my two sisters would fall asleep. What the hell would some 7 year old boy know about heaven or hell? And I used to get hit in the bathroom of the kingdom hall, and I can recall a few times coming out with my father, not being able to absorb the pain and everyone being able to see it in my face. I think to myself at times, why would Jehova God the creator of all life, the master of the universe, the entity who is said to be able to peer into all our souls, why would he treat me as a "exile" if I have him in my heart, and it effects how I live my life? I am not trying to write a story here, I just have many questions I wanted to get off my chest, and I am sure there are many others who have felt the same way. I live in New york city, yes i dress like a hoodlum with baggy jeans and yankee hats. And when I see young preachers in their uniform black pants and white shirt I just want to go up to them and tell them that even though I have not been to church in so long, Jehova is in my heart and will always be. I think religion is a very big problem with this world, because instead of people living together as humans, we are killing each other because we have a different interperatation of what lies beyond the darkness of space. Is it heaven is it hell??? Or can you just shut up live your life and die and return to the Earth you once came from. I feel like I got a TON off of my chest. Thank you.
My life growing up as a witness...
by RFlores 30 Replies latest jw experiences
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shamus100
Welcome.
I would suggest you look into the religion with a critical eye at this point, and see if it is really correct. It's hard to be critical when you've only been fed nonsense from an unreliable source.
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dinah
Welcome, Rflores!
Feel free to share your experiences. We love to hear them.
There are many witnesses who aren't as they appear to be, huh?
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RFlores
Thank you guys for the welcome. As for looking at religion at a critical viewpoint, I think it is safe to say I am happy where I am. I just plan to live my life to the fullest, and continue to be a good soul. And when my number is up, what can I do but accept the verdict.
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oompa
RF...welcome ande we love you already...but we also like paragraphs.....haha..I like that so much better that lol.......................oompa
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DJK
Welcome Flores.
It was a tough life raised as a JW. This is from my bio.
I was raised as a witness. My mother was never interested; my father was a super self righteous dub who I feared and learned to hate because of his abusive disiplinary methods that crossed the line of abuse and to this day he would claim the bible authorized it. From a preschool age I felt so much isolation, sadness and hate that I wanted to die and thought about suicide several times before I reached my early teens. A new form of persecution would unfold entering school. I was spit on and called commie for not saluting the flag. Isolation now from both sides, I retreated inside myself. I watched and waited for freedom, all the while rejecting bible teachings. The words Jehovah is the one and only true God never took hold of me. If he is the only God and I don't believe in him, there is no other God to believe in.
I am an Atheist and I believe I have been from a very young age. Soon after my 18th birthday I told my father I will not go to any more meetings. His disappointment was obvious, to my surprise he walked away in silence. I never felt the guilt that was intended by his actions. I was the first born and all those years he made it clear that I was to be a proper example for my five brothers and sisters. I was, they all followed me when the time was right for them. Not one of us considered baptism. We all feel the disassociation from our father. We have children and granchildren, some don't know he exists. I'm on a journey now in search of answers to questions that multiply as I travel. I have reached a personal conclusion regarding the bible, I never believed it was inspired by a supreme being, I do believe it was never intended to be read by the generations that followed its last writer.
DJK
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RFlores
Hey DJK thank you for the bio. Alot of what you said is what I wantd to articulate, but it gets a bit hard to keep track of the truly important topics when it all just comes flooding in you know. I will never forget the day when I lost my virginity. I was 14 years old with the most beautiful 19 year old puerto rican goddess I laid my young eyes on on top of me asking me if she can take my virginity and I see my father in my mind telling me about how I MUST wait til I am married or the lake of fire awaits. Well if the lake of fire is where I will reside then, I must say it was damn worth it. LOL
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dinah
RFlores,
Don't worry about your age. Nobody here will look down at you simply because of your age.
In my experience, growing up as a witness you are already treated as an adult when you are three years old.
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Eliveleth
Dear One,
Welcome!!! I hear you. I feel your pain. It is so good to be able to express your pain to those who understand. Your experience is not unique. Over the generations, this story has been played out over and over. I am 76 years old. I was a child in the WT. My father was stern, strict and we were required to be little adults at the Kingdom Hall or else!! In my generation, all male elders (they called them servants in my time) also had the privilege of telling you what to do, our father allowed and encouraged this. I do not know why, but I felt that these men were not being directed by Jehovah. I think children are more intelligent than people give them credit for. I was abused by my father, but I KNEW that God did not approve of what he did. I did believe that it was Jehovah's Organization (I have since found out that it is not).
What the WT and even some other religions claiming to be Christian say or claim does not necessarily reflect who God is. But when you are raised in an organization or church that claims to follow God and then does things that clearly are not loving, it is hard to separate the organization form God. Many XJWs are atheists. Do I blame them for this? Not at all. When we are taught that God is love, but those in power in the organization do not show love, what are we going to believe? Our experience says: God is not love and we look for examples of this lack of love in the Bible. Pretty soon we can convince ourselves that there is no God or if there is He doesn't care.
You are right. They search out scriptures to use that justifies their treatment of women and children in the organization as less than men. They take scriptures out of context (which they condemn in other religions) and use them to demean people. When you speak out about this they call it JW bashing.
You said: "I think to myself at times, why would Jehova God the creator of all life, the master of the universe, the entity who is said to be able to peer into all our souls, why would he treat me as a "exile" if I have him in my heart, and it effects how I live my life?"
YOU ARE RIGHT!!
The WT teaches us that we must have WORKS in order to gain salvation. The God of the universe reads our hearts and accepts us. I believe that if you ask Jesus to be Lord of your life that you do not have to follow the directions of men. He will teach you what is good and acceptable. You do not need man to tell you what to do.
You said: " yes i dress like a hoodlum with baggy jeans and yankee hats".
Honey, my sweet grandson who would never hurt anyone, wore baggy pants and baseball caps until after he was married. He was a skateboarder. I did not think he dressed like a hoodlum (I thought it was messy, but then I am a gramma hee hee) I do not consider that what you wear reveals who you are inside. You sound very normal to me.
You said: "Jehova is in my heart and will always be. I think religion is a very big problem with this world, because instead of people living together as humans, we are killing each other because we have a different interperatation of what lies beyond the darkness of space".
God does not judge us by what we believe. The only thing the Bible says that we must "believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that he died for us". All other doctrines have to be just information regarding God and not a requirement for salvation. You are right, religious people are killing each other over differences. AND IT IS NOT GOD'S WILL!!!
You are wise beyond your years. It takes some of us a lifetime to know what you already know.
We are so happy to be here for you to "unload" your thoughts. It is essential to dump all the garbage and then start healing. We love you and are here for you.
Love and hugs,
Gramma Velta
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skeeter1
Welcome. Our stories are similar. Abuse within the JWs is seen as a necessary rod to bring the youth to worship. This technique teaches us to fear God in the most literal sense of the word.
We are a group of spiritually raped people who had our childhoods devoured by those around us. We work to build ourselves out of the torture chamber of our youth, and to discover the freedom all the while facing the fear of the unknown world we were taught was evil since our infancy.