My life growing up as a witness... (page 2)

I am also a new user and was compelled to create an account after reading this particular discussion. I was born a Jehovah's Witness and as a youth embraced the religion fairly well. Around my teenage years, however, I became less involved for interesting reasons. I wouldn't say I had a difficult childhood, but I was the one kids made fun of the most (at least thats how it seemed). Being a JW didn't help, and I used to be afraid to tell people that I was because I was ridiculed enough as it was. Even with the other children my age at the Kingdom Hall, I had trouble finding acceptance. There was one boy who was "cool", at the Kingdom Hall and at school, and I tried a long time to be his friend so people would think I was cool and accept me more. I found myself attempting to mold myself to be like him so that I would be better accepted. He didn't comment or participate in meetings as much as I did, so I slowly lowered my own participation, until finally I was too self-conscious to participate at all. This friend was not the best of role models. Outside of the Kingdom Hall, he was worse than the "worldly" kids. He cussed, ridiculed people, and was even in some fights. Granted, he had his own issues (his parents were getting divorced and him mother disfellowshiped) which accounts for the way he was. I found myself becoming more and more like him, but at the same time realizing that I had no reason to be this way, and also realizing that most of my "worldy" friends were better friends than he was. My parents were never too controlling with me and always, since I was little, let me have friends that weren't JW's (in fact they liked most of my "wordly" friends better than my aforementioned JW friend). I was also becoming increasingly disturbed by the attitude many JW children my age had, they were all very pompous and arrogant, and people that I just didn't like being around. When I started high school, I cut tires with my JW friend, it was easy because we went to different high schools and he moved in with his dad and switched congregations (temporarily). I resolved to change the way I had become from associating with him, to try and become a better JW. At this time, I felt that being a JW made my parents happy and that it should be my future. I still never participated in meetings too much, but for the most part I enjoyed the content of the knowledge at the meetings (not the meetings themselves or the hidden behavioral pressues they put on young teenage children my age). More and more however, I started feeling depressed at the Kingdom Hall. I was overcome with feelings of guilt, that I was not pleasing Jehovah because I was not doing all the things I was supposed to (I didn't like going out in service, my parents never really went much, and niether did I). I should note as this point, that my father was an elder, and my freshman year in high school he was removed because he wasn't conducting personal study with me or my sister at home, nor did we have a family study. He lost his nice job soon after and had to take a job that forced him to miss a lot of meetings. My sister soon stopped attending, and it was just me and my mom for awhile. Just after I graduated high school, my grandmother (also a JW) passed away. It hit my mother hard, and since then she looked at the meetings differently, like she was searching for something more that she had never questioned before. My grandmother's death ended up being a turning point for my family. My dad had already all but stopped going to meetings, my sister had stopped, and me and my mom eventually stopped as well. I soon learned my parents true feelings towards the religion. My mom was pressured into it by my grandmother, she was baptized at 11 which I think is way to young for any type of commitment like that. She felt obligated to stay strong in the religion to please her mother, but when she died she no longer wanted to. She felt guilt because of this for awhile, but she eventually moved passed it and is happier and more enlightened now than I have ever seen her. I discovered my dad felt the same way, he only stuck with it for so long for the sake of me and my sister receiving a good moral education. He was also pressured into it by his grandmother. When me and my sister said we no longer wanted to go, my dad no longer felt the need to attend, and he just didn't want to anymore. I chose to stop going because I wasn't happy. I truly believe that Jehovah created us for one simple purpose, to be happy. I was not happy in my life as a JW, so i decided it was time to stop. I was plagued by feelings of guilt and depression, and the pressure put on me to be baptized was something I no longer wanted to deal with. I was also slowly starting to notice that they are not different from any other religion, they care the most about those who are most active and shun those who are not. When we stopped going, my father always welcomed visits from the elders of our congregation, told them how he felt, and that he still considered them his friends. How did they respond? They stopped coming by, we never even get so much as a phone call asking how we are doing. I saw their true colors when I stopped attending. All they care about is numbers, and if you aren't one of them, they want nothing to do with you. There is no such thing as being a casual member, you are either 100% or you are nothing. Although my experience as a JW has made me question the validity of many things, including the formation of the bible and the christian religion in general (I am also quite a history buff and have researched much about the development of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism) I have not lost my faith. I am a Christian, I believe Jehovah is the one true god, that he created all life, and that he sent his son Jesus to die for our sins. I believe in most of the Bible's teachings, but also realized that the books in it (and not in it) were decided a long time ago by men who sought power and control. I believe that following Jesus' teachings is good for people to do, and one thing I always found encouraging about my decision to leave was that Jesus always taught in parables, and never told people his exact meaning. He wanted people to find their own meaning, and JW's do not encourage this, they give you the interpretation and tell you what it means and how you should react to it. I find my own meaning in life now. Based on definition only, I consider myself a partial diest, in that, I believe we can learn the most about god and creation by studying god's creations. Many people believe science is the religion of America, and I am inclined to believe it, and embrace it. As long as it is balanced with a little faith, I believe we can learn much from the many creations around us. I believe being a good person is the key to being in god's favor, as well as fulfilling his purpose as best as we can by being happy and enjoying the life he has given to us.

MissingLink

Welcome RFlores and Buster! Thanks for sharing your stories.

R.Crusoe

RFlores - you are so doing as you should in following your heart and not the commands of others 'hearts' (which is usually their mind - which have already been years down a path of mind control you have seen early enough to escape).

Well done for pushing yourself out of it coz it means you have chosen to be 'lost' for a while to find yourself!

Excellent!

All life on Earth is in its own cycle!

We each are no different though we have been given what feelks like a blessing and a curse - choice!

A blade of grass will live out its life swaying in the wind!

Most animals will spend most of life chewing grass just to find the next day!

It is the way of life! There is much chewing for us to do and seemingly for no reason other than to get to the next day which as you know many millions struggle with!

All you can do is treat others as your heart says!

Nature has not placed you so that you can change it!

You are a part of it and it will harness you and let you flower, bear nectar, fruit and ripen as you are able.

Harm none and join with life!

And let your mind engage as it feels life within!

And rush not, for as the seasons unwind year by year, so will your life

It is all I can advise as you become who you will be.

Your path is begun!

R.Crusoe

Your story is interesting Buster because it has links to some of my feelings which had me in a 'head prison'!

I did not become JW till 20 after getting married at 19 for having sex at 18 and for the sole reason of pregnancy and personal trauma at home! My mother could never talk with me about anything (dad died when I was 11) - her way was to tell you what to do and no questions or reasonings - just like attending church for most of my teens!

So JWs seemed reasonable by comparison - seemed caring and interested in my personal thoughts!

I had doubts about them but the agreements were way more than I was used to so I fell into following their ways completely and then realised it was another 'Do as I say' regime with a more cunning way of befriending you and get you to give up your own feeling!

I sense that you are from a family where you can see you were amongst those going through their own crisis whilst you felt yours and that there is no way it could go on! In fact it can destroy everyone! It drives people apart and often for life and sometimes with each never being able to reason and explain stuff no matter how much they want to. It's why I am so opposed to JW insisting on their 'no speak' rules! I was brought up in a family where it was hard enough sharing thoughts to start with. Having a rule which stops it completely trells me exactly how damaged some humans will be from it! It is a bad, bad way to tell someone to behave without letting them decide for themselves!

I wish you communication with whoever you can to find! People who care and are unafraid to say what they feel and think and do! It will help you become yourself!

Best wishes!

My life growing up as a witness...

Hermano

dogisgod

PEC

Busta

MissingLink

R.Crusoe

R.Crusoe

Tired of the Hypocrisy

DJK

Anti-Christ

Share this