How did you build a new life outside of the JWs?

by Sirona 26 Replies latest jw experiences

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  IP_SEC

  I knew I was leaving months ahead of time.

  In this time:

  I made worldly friends, including but not limited to apostates

  Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?

  Yes. At work, walking through the grocery store, clubs & pubs, neighbors, in the park, <<<<<---- and then the friends of all those people too.

  Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?

  No, I am an atheist. It has been very fulfilling and not burdensome.

  What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?

  Like Nike! says. Just do it. Stop viewing them as arrmmmahhgedin carcasses and learn to love people for who they are.
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  Seeker4

  1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?

  I have a lot of interests, so I found people with similar ones. I've joined a few groups online and locally. My girlfriend is very much a loner type, and I've gotten used to not always having to have social activities going on all the time, which I did as a JW. I go out of my way to meet people and spend time with them. That's my personality. I've been developing an extreme level of physical fitness through this winter, and will become active in some extreme sports this year, which should open up some new social avenues.

  2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?

  Yes, but I need to work on this more. I've found that there are lots of people you know and enjoy throughout your life, but you will only have a very few close friends. I lost most of those when I left the JWs. So now, I'm enjoying the people I know and meet, and searching out the few who will remain my closest friends in life. I have two right now in addition to my girlfriend - one also a faded JW whom I've know since my teens, and a guy about 20 years younger who has a similar range of interests and intellectual pursuits as me. I'm actually cultivating these friendships.

  3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?

  I'm a very happy atheist. I cultivate my spirituality, if you want to call it that, by developing an extremely close relationship with the world I live in. I spend a lot of time outdoors. I'm increasing the amount of time I spend fishing, hunting, wilderness journeying, growing my own food, swimming, biking and running through the very beautiful place in which I live - Vermont and New England as a whole. I read a lot. Certain books, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," "The Tao Te Ching," and writers as diverse as Henry Miller, Ken Wilber, Gary Snyder, Ed Abbey and Thich Nhat Hanh have all helped.

  4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?

  The advice above is great: Take the time to find out who you are, what you love to do, and then find ways to do it as much as possible. You have a life, and it is your responsibility to use it to the greatest possible level of enjoyment and satisfaction that you can create. Coming to understand that you are responsible to create your own life, and that success can really only be measured by yourself and how well you've enjoyed your life, is a huge step for an ex-JW. I would advise any new ex-JW to contact and talk with those who've been out for a while, in order to get a sense of perspective. The Witnesses have such a powerful control over one's mindset, that it can take years to rid yourself of that sense of control by them. With help, you can come to see the JWs for what they truly are, and shed their control over you very quickly.

  S4
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  doofdaddy

  I looked at life through fresh eyes, like a child. Potential....

  I was so nervous the first time I went to a coffee shop alone, I didn't read the newspaper in my clammy hand. A woman just started chatting to me. She wasn't flirting, actually waiting for her husband. Just friendly.

  That tiny seed was fertilised by starting to travel over seas again, also on my own. Of course this was also a " spiritual" journey as well, peaking ihto the forbidden realms of my previous existance. What a journey!

  It may sound a little weird but dancing also came into my life. I saw all the indigenous peoples dance and the realms that they could reach in that state of bliss.

  The rest is history. Sometimes I look back at my jw life and can only explain my radical new full life as being born again! Ha ha

  Andy
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  AudeSapere

  I reached out to non-jw family who were alienated when my parents first started studying and then even further when we moved to the opposite coast nearly 30 years ago.

  It's only just beginning but I've at least got some people that I can reach out to.

  -Aude.
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  Borgia

  Good questions Sirona, 1) About building a life after....No, whiole I am on the way out I already have built a non jw-related live. Family and old and new friends on the outside, interest and time to learn new skills. But maybe most important, the latitude to get to better know myself. Maybe that is the advantage of fading.....
  
  2) There are many ways to meet new people. But maybe I'm lucky with my job that entails meeting new people in new environments. But I would say that there are many rewarding things outside there to do that will get you to meet new people.
  
  3) The spirituality the JW like to encourage is preparing for doing more. They are focussed on function...i.e. meaning, however it is detached from any regular experience of life. I'm not in communicado with the spirit world. I do not believe in that. I'd rather speak of raising conscienceness.
  
  4) SWOT yourself and take it from there....however, even Rome was not built in a day......
  
  Cheers
  
  Borgia
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  Sirona

  Some great responses! and I like this:

  4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life? Don't lose hope. Life will only get better and better.

  Sirona
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  LouBelle

  Where else would I go. At first I went to a apostolic church, met a few people and my eyes were opened up to the fact that there were other people that really loved god and weren't afraid to show it. I must say in the beginning when I went there and saw men of 20/25/30 years old singing their heart out - was very moving.

  1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion? In the begining it was very difficult becuase I left everyone of my friends / people I knew behind. I wass very lonely, when I was in I was the social queen bee - always organising parties, outings, you name it. So in the beginning I just had to force myself to make an effort , to loosen up, take the risk and put myself out there.

  2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends? I have a couple of good friends again - met through work and then from there the circle grew. Even speaking to complete strangers has opened up the opportunity for friendships.

  3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion? I am much more spiritual now, I have a better understanding of my personal path that I have to walk. I love a lot easier (if that makes sense). The comparisson is like light to darkness. I was in the dark for 28 years.

  4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life? Deep breathing!!!! Take your time so that things can sink in and make sense. Put yourself out there and smile a lot. Definitely joing JWD because we can all relate to being in that faith and you need to be able to relate - those that haven't been JWs don't get it.
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  R.Crusoe

  It is almost like acheiving the ridiculous!

  I heard family who never knocked on my door accuse me of being a hermit when depressed!! - Family who I'd knocked on the door of way more than they ever did mine! Family who had social networks and kept clear because of the 'JW' pscho thinking they branded me with which I hadn't followed for 16 yrs but what did they know?

  So to the ridiculous:

  People advising you to 'choose' your own happiness!

  Choosing to be happy alone!

  Learning to be functional as a hermit!

  That's the path I hear told me time and again and inside I just lmao at all the years I already did that - way more than any of them could manage!

  Isolation is damaging for humans - as solitary confinement proves in institutions!

  But unless you learn how to function positively alone, it likely will mean you become use to permanent unhappiness!

  And if you do learn to function alone, maybe you will continue to do so?

  lmao! Reminds me of JW circular reasoning sooo much!

  Now to my answer:

  I really have no idea apart from take a chance and see if life gets better or worse!

  And it can just go on getting worse for years on end till you kinda live the reality and expect the knocks and kicks to come - like the silent abuse you already had enough of in WT land except you now can decide a little more when to take your punishment!

  All I can think is of Chirchill when he said,

  'If you find you're in hell don't stop - keep going!'

  But I have to admit after going round in circles I stopped a few times just to look at the view!
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  jamiebowers

  The best way to obtain friends is to be a friend. Once out of the JW's, you have a lot of options: work, the gym, clubs, civic organizations hobbies, community events, family and former friends who aren't JW's--unlimited potential.
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  Tyrone van leyen

  If you leave Jehovah's Organisation, where will you go?"

  I was still a beleiver being shunned by everyone. So I went nowhere.

  So where did you "go" when you left the JWs?

  I was too depressed to work and slept in my airtight Lincoln. Never even knew about welfare and couldn't bear living with my folks. Had no freinds whatsoever. Was never allowed to make any freinds in school either.

  1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?

  I met with a Jamaican I used to work with and he took me in. He was living in the projects. He gave me protection and food.

  2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?

  I could never get close to people or trust again after that. I was never the same. I got to know many people, but mostly, they were streetlife, riff raff, and ex cons.

  3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?

  Spirituality is nothing more than emotional well being and I'm still working on it. Compared to the witnesses, far less deluded, more understanding, more compassionate more balanced. I'm still trying to work on hapiness from within. What can I say, reality is ugly. I take far less shit too.

  4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?

  If your family is too brainwashed, stay away, as far and as long as you can. If their had been a board like this 20 years ago, I'd have gone a hell of a lot further. Understanding, that it was not I, who was sick but my family, and those that shunned me, was of utmost importance. It is so hard to see without affirmation from anyone. When you feel better inside, and have protect mechanisms in place for the inner child, and a strong idea of who you are you will be fine.

  If you you do not know who you are, what you want, or what you beleive. You are lost. It is a powervacuum that must be filled from within your own soul. Stay away from folks until you know these things. If you don't, people will tell you, who you are, what you want, and what you beleive.

  This is natural for someone who was born in to be told these things by people without ever asking the questions to themselves and leaves a dangerous opening for fundamentalist whackos or any other kind of controlling phycho to mess with your life.