by Sirona 26 Replies latest jw experiences
Contrary to popular dub beliefs, people in the 'world' are quite friendly and nice.
Like yourself first. Self-esteem is a difficult barrier to overcome for most out of the dubs.
Find friends everywhere - just talk with people. Most don't bite. I have many friends, and as years go on, it just keeps growing.
Thats so true Shamus. I think the state of my self esteem has never been the same after public humiliation, no affirmation and no support from family or the org. I grew up in. Getting it back, is so so so hard.
It truly is emotional blackmale. Unless you have really found yourself, or have an excellent support network ,I found myself feeling like a dog, or a lesser human being. I still fight those feelings to this day, even though I know it isn't true, but I never backed down on those creeps. I'm still standing, and now I can comfortably watch as they waste there time knocking on doors and acting like fools. Some things though, I suspect, I will take to my grave with no closure. They really do hold all the cards.
If I didn't vent on this board the way I have, I'd be close to breakdown. Despite my personal hell, I never returned. They gave me their best shot and failed. I think sometimes of never coming back to this board, but I do. It's made things much easier. At least 50% easier. But I doubt and question every word i write. Perhaps I will always be this way because I'm not always aware of the mood I'm in when I'm writing and also because some other info can always come along to prove me wrong. Keeping an open mind is so important.
Tyrone,
Venting to a real person is a better way to release that self-doubt. There's never anything wrong with counselling - I highly recommend it. Even if it's just a few times - it gives you a good perspective that impersonal typing cannot.
And I agree with you about this board.
Good point Shamus. I agree. I know a few folks that can handle me from time to time, but I wouldn't call it giving them the best of me. Relationships also suffer from girlfreinds not understanding that this is an all encompassing, on going, never die issue, with my family. It could have died 20 years ago, but they won't let it die! I still agree however that connecting with someone in the flesh can have its own benefits.
One other reason I think of leaving the board though is guilt. I beleive the things I say are true, but sometimes harsh. Thats only cuz I'm tired of the fact that these stupid issues still exist. The guilt also comes from some strange sense of betrayal of family as well. It's crazy I know. If i was lieing that would be different, or if I could get it out of my system once and for all. But it wasn't me who started this bullshit, and it certainly wasn't me who wanted to make it a life and death issue and keep it going for so many years. I love my family, but Christ, they should be happy I'm doing this, rather than tearing a strip off them, every time I see them. I tell you, me being on a public forum like this, is not me. As far as I am concerned I have been forced to it, for my own mental health.
I can see in my writing, I have progressed too, and that makes me happy, but i sometimes wish I could just contribute happy thoughts and insights and do a lot less bitchin. It's getting better though, but there are so many sensitive areas they have touched, so much they have taken, so much time lost, and so much denial on their part that when I see certain topics I guess I still get triggered a bit. What can I say. It takes as long as it takes. In the end if I can control my temper I will be far more effective.
1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?
Well, I started building my social structure before I left. I started associating more with the non-witness side of the family, joined clubs, cultivated friendships at work, and went back to college to finish my degree. It was a bit of a adjustment period opening up to non-witnesses and I made a few bad selection that I promptly corrected but all and all, things have been going very well. There is hardly a weekend where I'm not involved with some sort of social activity with some friends or meeting new friends.
2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?
Probably my best friend would be my non-witness brother, we have gotten a lot closer. Other than that, I am slowly building a friend lists, it is not a easy task but takes slow steady work. I figure that this is something that will take me years to accomplish but I enjoy meeting new people and some will be acquaintances, others transient friends and still others (only a few) good close friends.
3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?
I still feel that there is some sort of higher power and I think about it and also think about higher elevating principles. I try to be accommodating to different religious groups, even the witnesses (although I still recognize they are a high control christen cult). The way I look at it, use the time you have now to reach your potential but also to do good to others. After that, if there really is a thereafter, then i'll leave it in gods hands and not worry about it.
4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?
Take it one step at a time, rebuild your social structure, develop real and worthwhile goals, read good books, educate yourself and make it your determination to continually progress. Also, don't mediate on what you lost but rather on what you have and what you want to gain in life and then start pursuing it.
Hi Sirona and everyone else,
Life after the WT society.....still under construction, but lookin' good!!!
1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?
I renewed some old friendships, but then made a major geographic move to go back to school in a place where I only knew a few cousins. It was very tough and lonely. However, I was able to take advantage of the counselling services at my university. The psychologist I hooked up with gave some advice that seemed insufficient at the time, but in retrospect it was great advice. He explained that it takes time build some history in a new place and developing new friendships. It's that history that makes us feel like we belong. He was right and I have made a number of great friends and have really become integrated with many networks of people, both at the university and in the community.
2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?
Ditto on Question 2.
3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?
NO, thank god!!! (the irony...huh!). The WT society is probably one of the best organiztions there is at creating atheists and agnostics.
4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?
It is going to smooth out and your life ahead is going to be filled with good things you could never have anticipated, even if it looks like things really suck right now.
Cheers to all,
Alex
1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion? First, I think one has to build him/her self up. Read, read, read. This gives you time and resource to find/build your true self, personhood, basic values. I have siblings and a few xJWs friends that too have successfully built a life outside of JW world. We were very busy raising kids, which for me was alot of my social world for a long while. I was quite dedicated to having my 5 children have a normal childhood, schooling, sports, extracurricular with goals/plans for college (4 have completed w/the 5th about a year to go yet). I have a handful of friends at work that we are there for each other, supportive with humor.
2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends? I was a single mom for many years. The kids got grown, so I stretched myself out to a 'singles' dance and met my husband to be. Married 3 yrs now. He is a retired school teacher of 33 yrs. and interested in everything and finds my 'past' very intriguing and is very supportive and I have linked up with many of his family & longtime friends. I have recently started going to a xJW meetup group now. It is only once a month and I have decided to be a self-appointed librarian of xJWs (having many books to loan for free for the month).
3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion? I am spiritual, Christian, but non-doctrinal,don't care if God is a trinity or not, don't believe in hellfire (to me, hellfire just not a thing of a loving God) just love, joy & peace parts. I am no longer limited in the JW world, I can enjoy, like and love many more people.
4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life? One day at a time,, the better life happens.
