Ex-JWs... feelings of isolation, agoraphobia...?

by Moxie 36 Replies latest jw experiences

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  chikikie

  I too left 8 years ago, I too have these problems with connection, I suffer from panic attacks and anxeity, I had this whilst I was a JW, I aux pioneered, went to all the meetings, but I was shunned inside the JWs and decided to leave, I couldnt do anything right and the only friends I had were older sisters in there 70s and 80s. Counselling doesnt work, because they do not understand what it is like to be an Ex JW, recently we had this earthquake in Britain, my first thought was, Armageddon is here and were all gonna die. I suspect these side effects are from being raised as a JW, people who have just dabbled dont seem to be as affected when they leave.

  I have my children and am close to my family who all left before me, infact I was the last one to leave, apart from a grandad who still goes and says Im disgusting because I have three children out of wedlock, he talks to me still because he doenst know I DAd myself.

  The one thing I tend to enjoy is cinema, every month my ex looks after the kids and I go to the cinema by myself, I 'll stay and watch three films, and immerse myself into another world for a little while.

  Im still trying to find away to make these feelings of feeling different, not fitting, I dont fit in the JW and I dont fit in the world, Im like in the middle. If this makes any sense.

  Anyway good luck to you, if yuo find the answer let me know.
• 

  TopHat

  If the problem is feeling sorry for yourself...you have to get over it and live for you and not what others might think of you. Then you will have your true freedom from the Watchtower complex.
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  Moxie

  TopHat, I appreciate your advice but if the problem were only feeling sorry for myself I would indeed have grown out of it after all this time. No, unfortunately it is much more deep seated than all that. I don't feel self pity, in fact I feel that immensely proud of what I have overcome. The problem, which many others have said that they share is the feeling of being misplaced... of not belonging... of feeling lost and in limbo if you'll pardon the expression. The result of this at least in my case is severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I'm beginning to wonder if this afflicts mainly individuals who were raised as a JW and then left. It would be interesting to examine that hypothesis anyway. Being here is helping out a lot, just knowing that there are so many others out there that understand...

  "Moxie"
• 

  chikikie

  My Ex partner never understood why i couldnt let it all go, but its hard to let go of something, of behobiour programmed into you, the slightest thing can bring back pleasant and unpleasant memories of the JWs, that can have a lasting impact for days. as it is, I am affected by one thing every year, which is my baptism date, March 10th, and often think I should go back to the JWs, I dont know why I think this, but I do, I know that in my head there is no desire but it doesnt stood the dreams/nightmares, of going back into a KH talking to the elders. If there was a pill, Id happily take one, but I know that it is like having some kind of traumatic stress disorder and you ind of shut down until you can reassure yourself that everything is ok and that your not going to bump into a JW, Im glad I moved away from my home town when I left because the anxiety i feel just thinking of bumping into a Jw i know when I go back home to see my family is just frightening. I KNOW DEEP DOWN ITS TO DO WITH BEING RAISED AS A JW, someday someone will find a way of being able to overcome it until then we have to muddle thru the best we can, good luck moxie, PM any time ok
• 

  Pickled

  Moxie,
  
  Many times the WTBTS is referred to as a cult by ex-JW. However, when they decided to actually leave or were told to leave, they did not approach the process as though they had just walked away from a cult. Instead, what many seem to do is to treat their experience in the same way someone would who just decided to walk out of a Baptist church and become a Methodist.
  
  It is not the same thing at all, and that is why so many of the ex-JW do not get the help that they need. It sounds like you didn't either. It's true that many therapists are not going to be very effective in helping you work through the effects a religion had on you, and part of that reason is because they might not understand, and maybe you didn't either, that it is not just another "religion", but is instead a cult.
  
  What you are describing sounds very much like a combination of 2 things.
  
  1. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
  2. Depression
  
  It isn't only combat that causes PTSD, or violent crime. Leaving a cult can do that too. As a matter of fact, it is quite COMMON in former cult members.
  
  Here is a website that will explain how the two are related and you will see yourself in this description... http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/articles/ptsd-cuddy.htm
  
  So many people on these forums are suffering from this and don't even know it. This isn't something you can just "rise above" by a sheer act of will or having a more positive outlook. What you are experiencing will continue this way unless you begin to properly identify it. I know this has been so painful for you, it is evident in your words. I think that it has been so painful for so long because you have not been given the proper tools to work through it, and did not know where to go to find them. Start here, and then post and post and post some more of your feelings and thoughts and what you are discovering. Acquaint yourself with what a cult actually is and how it affects people. Start calling it a cult and not just some old screwy religion you walked away from.
  
  You have heard the expression of "being in the grip of". Well, that is what you were; "in the grip of" a very devastating cult. Please write more and ask more and I will be happy to keep checking on this thread to answer or research or help in any way I possibly can.
• 

  Witness 007

  My best and only friend is a true comfort........my Dog! I find him so easy to get along with I no longer try to make human friends it just seems too hard...I know this is not good but other then work where I talk to people not much else goes on. My wife is not happy with my attitude.
• 

  Pickled

  Disfellowshipping or Leaving, Evidence of a "social death."
  
  http://members.tripod.com/lee_hardiman/soc-death.html
  
  Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder experienced by cult members:
  
  http://members.tripod.com/lee_hardiman/c-ptsd.html
• 

  Pickled

  http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/mindcontrol.htm
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  VoidEater

  The link from pickled on PTSD experienced by exiting cult members (http://members.tripod.com/lee_hardiman/c-ptsd.html) is appropos.

  Although this took place some time, moxie, there is still embedded within many of us the following dynamics:

  Only trust the Organization
  No one else is "safe"
  Once you've rejected the Organization, you are unworthy (of attention, a life, relationships, self-respect...)

  For me, the sense of worthlessness was most noticeable. I am worthless, therefore I would not "force myself" on anyone; besides, no one out there is safe to be in a relationship with.

  It's been a long roaf to self-acceptance. A lot of my habitual introversion and quiet is still in play, I'm not a "party starter" and never have been; but I no longer think I'm unworthy to be in others' lives.
• 

  Tired of the Hypocrisy

  I felt more isolated while in than I do as a fading jw.