Why do I feel like I'm losing my wife to this website?

sarabi

I'm a JW in good standing and she is too. She has had a lot of questions. Now, I feel like there is a division between us. I'm worried that she will become an apostate because of this website.

I understand that you probably don't want to help me. I also understand that you are all anti-JW.

But, I just want to understand why she has changed so much. I don't know whether to think it is because of this website or not.

I feel hurt, I feel like she has been talking behind my back and hiding things. I have asked her to stop coming to this site and she keeps on coming back. I am not posting this behind her back, she is right here with me. Her username is Cognac if you would like to verify this. I have spoken to somebody else on this website also due to my investigation. My wife tells me his name is Flipper.

Is that what this site promotes? I have read that this website accuses the society of being a secret society. Like the society "sweeps things under the rug." But, realistically, peoples mates are hiding behind this website from there own mates. Is that not secrecy?

I feel like the faithful slave has our best interests whether they are right or wrong. I am disappointed that people who want help don't go to the ones who really care about them. But, instead, go to people who understand there feelings and don't even know them personally. I feel that this is not getting help, rather is reinforcing there own negative feelings. I feel that this is the main reason my wife comes here, so that she can express herself without feeling judged. I feel the elders are not here to judge us, but are here to help us.

If a house is divided against itself, it will not stand. If JWs are divided, they cannot stand.

People are saying that the faithful slave are false prophets. If that is true, then based upon Mark 3:22-30 with the illustration that Jesus gave us, then this religion will not be able to stand but is coming to an end. Also, in verse 29, whoever blasphemes against the holy spirit has no forgiveness forever, but is guilty of everlasting sin. This because they were saying he has an unclean spirit. Is the society working off an unclean spirit? If so, then why does anybody here have to worry? Jehovah will correct it and make his congregation clean.

Anyways, I just want to say that by being here and sitting here with my wife, I'm trying to help her know that someone is here to understand her and who does care about her.

I don't understand the need for her to come here anymore. I want her to understand that she can trust me and that I'll help her to find the answers that she is looking for. Keep on asking and you will find. Keep on knocking and it will be answered to you.

Hope4Others

Welcome Cogac's husband, I'm sure we all can understand how you feel, Cognac has a lot of questions and she finds support here, things she can openly

talk about with out feeling looked down on, or chastised for.

I don't understand the need for her to come here anymore. I want her to understand that she can trust me and that I'll help her to find the answers that she is looking for. Keep on asking and you will find. Keep on knocking and it will be answered to you

This is a decision you will both have to work out, please feel free to read and see why she feels as she does. She is a very sweet person, and we all care about her.

hope4others

momzcrazy

I'm sorry you feel it is this site's fault. I have read your wife's posts and find her to be a brave, intelligent woman.

We are in the information age. The internet is one way to get information. It is wrong of the Society to say where you can acquire your knowledge. They choose what they want you to know. The same goes for our spouses. You do not all have all the answers, neither does the Society.

You will gain more by allowing your wife to explore where SHE feels she needs to.For her to be a whole person she MUST learn and grow, change and make her own decisions. It is her job as a human to learn. Being told what to think, do and feel is detrimental to her. Learning doesn't ever end. And no one can say what she learns and where she gets the information.

This site has wonderfully supportive people on it. My husband also had a difficult time with my being here. It took a licensed therapist telling him there is nothing wrong with it for him to leave the issue alone. You will only lose her if you choose. If you are supportive and understanding you will draw her closer to you.

Your wife has been thru alot. She needs your love and support. Not you trying to tell her what to do, or spouting scriptures.

I don't understand the need for her to come here anymore

The thing is, you don't need to understand. It is something SHE feels she needs, and as her husband you should support her. She is an adult, and doesn't need you to say it's OK.

momz

sarabi

If the truth divides families, then so doesn't this.

So then, who is right and who is wrong?

kwintestal

With a membership since Dec. 2006 it looks like you have had a few questions yourself.

For the record, I'm not anti-JW. I just don't believe in what they have to say.

Kwin

kwintestal

If the truth divides families, then so doesn't this.
So then, who is right and who is wrong?

It will only divide your family if you allow it to. There are tons of people on here who are no longer believers yet have spouses who still believe. A lot of time it's just a matter of each of you respecting each other's right to have a different opinion.

Kwin

momzcrazy

If the truth divides families, then so doesn't this.

Have you thought that maybe THIS is the truth, not the drivel the Society forces on people?

I didn't notice you've been around since '06, are you the pot or the kettle tonight?

momz

loosie

Welcome to the board. I know Cognac. I apprieciate her posts here. You aren't losing your wife. She tells us how much she cares for you. Your wife is growing. people do that. However while in the jw org. it is hard to grow. they resist people thinking for themselves.

your wife is brave for telling you about this website.You should be happy that she is strong.Some people can't face the truth about the jw org because it is painful. I know I have family and some friends in. If they knew the truth they would likely still stay in because they don't know what else to do. However that is unhealthy. It takes a strong person to do something about the truths they have found out. I admire your wife. I can feel for her. I have had some of the same issues that she is dealing with.

My husband first found this website. He showed me some of the posts on here. I thought oh everyone is just bitter. so I started looking and comparing info here with issues inside the congregation that I saw. I found what was said on this site was true. eventually I started posting on this website but I didn't tell my husband. I thought he wouldn't want me talking to strangers. Well one time when he was on this site he thought that loosie's avatar was cute so he saved it to his computer. I saw it on his computer and asked about it. then I told him that it was me. and he was very happy I was posting here and talking to strangers who understand what we have been thru. it opened communication between us about the jw's.

Open mind

Hello sarabi and welcome.

Just a couple things that jumped out at me about your post.

1. "I also understand that you are all anti-JW."

That's a fairly accurate statement, but not 100%. Change the "all" to "most" and it's spot-on, IMO. Also, it depends on what you mean by "anti-JW". Many posters here care very much for individual JWs, but can no longer agree with the Watchtower's doctrines and/or policies. Hope that doesn't sound like too much hair splitting, but it's a pretty important distinction.

2. "I feel the elders are not here to judge us, but are here to help us."

How much experience do you have with the elders? There are many "nice" elders, but their hands are tied when a baptized JW starts having sincere doubts about the Organization. For example, suppose you personally think it's a little bit nutty to ban glass clinking but not Pinatas. If you can't keep your doubts to yourself, those "helpful" elders will have no choice but to "help" you to the door. I picked a fairly innocuous issue there on purpose. There are MANY other issues of much more weight, but faithful JWs aren't allowed to listen to them because the Watchtower has the perfect scare tactic: the boogeyman of "Apostasy". Which brings me to item......

3. The secrecy of JWD posters from JW spouses really STINKS. And it's because of the high-control tactics of the Watchtower that the secrecy must continue. Your spouse would LOVE to be able to openly discuss issues without fear of getting DFed for apostasy. Only problem is, she can't in this religion. Unless you're an exceptional guy who isn't 100% JW-programmed.

OK, done for now.

Open Mind

(husband of 95% JW-loyal wife)

TheSilence

Hi, sarabi,

Sometimes it's difficult to feel like you are the only one questioning something. It makes you question yourself. Knowing there are other people out there with the same thoughts or issues may let your wife know that it's not *her* that's the problem. Just because she comes here and questions what the society teaches does not mean your family is tearing apart... it just means she is questioning the society. That should have nothing to do with the relationship between the two of you. Your love is based on your feelings for each other, not each of your feelings about the society.

Jackie

Why do I feel like I'm losing my wife to this website?

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