i screwed up

seeking help

hey y'all,

1st post. i ran across this site. blew my mind. wife is devout jw. me, no don't beleive but never gave her a hard time about it.well when i found the child abuse settlement stuff i flipped out. i bet you can guess the rest. help !!!

LovesDubs

Well you planted a seed anyway...though jamming your fist into the ground to plant it isnt the recommended method...perhaps it will open some communication. She cant deny that the papers which are full of stories about JWs being pedophiles and going to court for it, say what they say and they arent all run by apostates. It is what it is.

Denial and going la la la la la!!!!!! when told something they dont want to hear is standard reaction.

You didnt screw up. She isnt going to hear this stuff from anywhere else.

digderidoo

Hello and welcome to the board.

It can be hard for a witness to accept that this can go on in the congregation. My advice is to watch your kids, like i'm sure you do at any other event. Don't relax your guard just because they are witnesses.

Paul

Quirky1

seeking - Welcome to the board! Yes, it ain't just the Catholics that are labeled child molesters and pedophilia charges. So, am I taking this correctly, you approached your wife about this? If so, what was the reaction?

Quirky1

willy_think

Hi and welcome.

Don’t flip out!!!!! This stuff has been going on for a long time, don’t rush a confrontation with your wife. I understand it is all so very overwhelming, believe me I was there big time. But if you rush head long into showing your wife, what a real and true cult she is in, she is likely to divorce you. She has programmed responses to any threat to her belief system. If you see her eyes glaze over when you are talking to her just stop, she has activated a defiance mechanism and is no longer capable of rational thought. She is going to tell the elders about your “talk”. The only advice I can give you is to remember you are the husband, in the eyes of the cult the head of the house and wife. Don’t be afraid to use your power. If you don’t want her talking to the elders, tell them you’re wife is not to have privet conversations with any man or men with if you are not there even if a sister is there. If they do it any way you can sue. The man or men, not the cult, If you sue an elder the cult will hang him out to dry. But if you sue the cult they will fight. However if you warn the elders first they should stop, unless they are dumber then dirt.

Good luck

This Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and said “Make me one with everything”.

Hope4Others

Hello nice of you to join us!

hope4others

seeking help

well the first reaction was its all lies.. apostates.. i always felt WTS played it fast and loose with 1914. but she feel that the elders may have not told if abuse, but that the brooklyn would NEVER knowing hide abuse reports. I am kind of lost right now. i went too far too fast. not sure how this will play out. i understand the pull of the org. and haven't thought this whole thing out very well. its like a brick wall between us now.

undercover

Welcome to the board.

Unfortunately, you're never really going to win an argument with a devout JW. They're programmed to dispel all doubt and to ignore all negative speech about the organization.

But...since you've already started...the thing to do now is to compile your proof from independant resources, like local media where settlements have happened or news websites or watchdog sites. Do not, repeat, do not use anything from a website or source that could be even remotely connected to ex-JWs/apostates. That would include this site. You can get started here and people will point in the direction to go, but in the end, you're going to have to use sources that she can't claim are 'apostate'. She may still claim that it is Satan inspired media, and if that's the case, at the point, it's best to drop it because it's obvious that reason and logic are absent regarding this issue.

It is very frustrating when dealing with a normally smart, logical person but when the subject of JWs/Watchtower comes up, it's like a switch is flipped in their brain and all the smarts they have are locked away so the programming can take over.

I understand your dilema as I'm in a similar situation. I've learned to keep my mouth shut for the most part and just drop hints or tidbits of info from time to time, hoping that it lodges in a place in her brain that will later cause her to doubt or question something.

WTWizard

Assuming you were recruited, you screwed up when you joined (if you were born in, you didn't screw up because you didn't have the choice). That is nothing new--scammers have always scammed people.

Now, you are in for a hard fight. And that's what the Washtowel Slaveholdery wants. They want it to be extremely difficult and traumatic for you to leave--because they want you to continue doing their dirty work and help them plunge the whole world into the Second Dark Ages. They also want your money to continue coming in, and for you to continue presenting the illusion that it is the truth when it is nothing of the sort. And they will use those close to you to hold you hostage to the cancer.

I highly recommend reading posts on this board from other members that have been through this. One that comes to mind immediately is Cognac (who became a regular pioneer just before joining this forum and is now facing severe difficulties with the hounders). Also, check others that have been through it before because they are the proof that, after you are out and through the trauma, it does get better. And the freedom at the end is going to be worth the price of going through the wringer.

mouthy

Take a brick out of the wall.to talk to her.... & tell her you love her, & so sorry you blew up.... Love never fails.... You have to make the first move to correct this argument. You see she thinks the Organization is "MOTHER" & she mustnt turn on her ( The Org) . Your heading for trouble if you point out all its faults at once..likey to lose a wife & kids if there are any

Welcome to the board! by the way

i screwed up

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