Opinion poll: Is it wrong for grandparents to buy presents for all but one? (page 4)

Scully

If they were sincere about not intending to hurt one child's feelings, they could have made up for the lack of a gift by offering to take the one kid on a special outing of HIS choosing - a movie, mini-golf, laser tag, go-karting, etc. But, imo, they demonstrated their hostility toward the kid by saying that they "are not obligated to give gifts".

Obviously they were in areas where buying gifts was not a difficult thing to do. "Not having the time" when they were obviously making the time for the other three kids is the lamest excuse I've ever heard.

wings

Having lived 16 years in a blended family situation....I had a lot of experience with this. It is hurtful, and can undermine the family unit if allowed. The grandparents in my situation never learned anything by my negative responses, they grew to be great grandparents and continued it into the next generation.

JW gift-giving-double-minded-hypocritical-thinking.....sick.

wings (sore spot with me)

Finally-Free

I have 5 neices and nephews and alltogether, they have 12 kids between them. When giving gifts I make it a practice to give to all, no matter what. No child should ever be excluded.

W

minimus

Your parents/grandparents don't seem to nice to me. I'm sorry that you have to deal with such stupidity and arrogance.

Lady Lee

OMG The G-parents are wrong wrong wrong

BTW - none of this is WT related.

On Sunday I had to listen to my 4 yr old grandson talk to his grandfather (not my JE-ex) tell him he was sad because he didn't come to his birthday.

It seems my daughter's step-mother-in-law is getting tired of running around for the birthdays of 6 of her husband's grandchildren. (her daughter is too young for children)

So she has decided that since 3 of the children have birthdays close together they would combine the three into one party. Now this sounds nice if it wasn't for a few issues.

Instead of making it easier for my daughter it has made it harder. Sunday she had a children's party (with the cousins included) for her 4 yr old. After the children's party she had her husband's mother and brother over for a small dinner (with more presents and another cake (cupcakes with candles) Recently she went to a party for the cousins. And now she is expected to add one more party because the step-m-i-l thinks it will be easier
The 2 oldest of the 6 are 14 and 8 yrs old. They can understand why they won't be getting any presents. They don't have to share a birthday with anyone.
the three getting presents are 5, 4 (my grandson) and 2 yrs old. The 2 yr old won't understand yet. The older of the two will feel like it is xmas.
that leaves my soon to be 3 yr old grand-daughter. She is expected to sit back and watch her cousins and brother open presents while she gets nothing (or perhaps a token gift) She is NOT going to understand this one little bit and I am sure she will have a tantrum complete with kicking and screaming
to top all this off somehow my daughter has been blamed for this really stupid idea.

My daughter is upset. She reluctantly agreed to go along with this but she hates it.

My daughter and I were almost in tears listening to my grandson tell his grandfather he was sad that the grandfather didn't come to his birthday. The grandfather told me he didn't like this idea. And I am sure it broke his heart to listen to his grandson. But he too agreed to go along with this at least once. I doubt he will agree again.

The two oldest of the 6 kids are not biological kids of these grandparents. But they are in no way neglected. Their grandfather gives them the same attention he gives the other kids. He and his wife go to special events for them, gives them age-appropriate gifts, helps out when needed. He is great.

But lately I am seeing a whole new side to his wife that I really don't like

Getting back on topic after my tale of soon-to-be woe: You just can't give to three and not to the fourth

orangefatcat

Cog, Forgive me but the grandparents have saw dust for brains. How utterly insensitve, they make lousy grandparents for sure.

I know how one grandchild can be left out of everything. My son was never included in anything my parents did with all the other grandchildren and it literally destroyed my son and his self worth and hurt beyond belief. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with him.

I assured him nothing was wrong with him, it was my parents who took the hostility they had for me out on my son. He was so upset they hurt him so much. I have choice words for my contemptable parents. One thing is for sure in the end my son had the last word because one day my mom started picking on me and my son called her and told her never wanted to see my mother again and he also told her what he felt like, from all the years he never recieved anythings from them like all his cousins. My sisters didn 't have the chutzpah to say anything to mom and dad for fear they children would be left out or not be given gifts. It is disgraceful how grandparents can do this, but it happens. Maybe some great day my mom may understand why she lost me and my son forever, and I would rather have it that way then allow my son to ever be hurt again by them. Dad is dead now though. Being JW's never softened my parents it made them religious fanatics and treatment from them was harsh.

I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around.

I am glad that your sister wouldn't allow the one child to recieve something and the other not. Nothing destroys a child more then knowing their grandparents love one grandchild over another. Making up a lame excuse that they couldn't find him anything . Well they could have got him a lovely card and placed money the equivalent of the value of the other childrens gifts. No excuse is good enough.

Your JW parents and many more JW parents need to re read the word of God and get with the programs.

Feeling for you and your son. I know how you feel. Don't expect it to get any better with time either.

lovingly, orangefatcat.

Scully

I know, from personal experience, how being excluded by a grandparent can be very hurtful to a child. It doesn't have to involve gifts.

We made trips to visit the paternal grandparents a couple of times a year. I was around 10 years old when it dawned on me that there were no photos of me or my siblings on display at my grandparents' house - only of our cousins. Our folks always sent our school pictures to them every year without fail - we found them among the boxes of photos when we were sorting through the belongings after both grandparents had passed away. This carried on year after year - the cousins' graduation pictures and later wedding photos were displayed (even long after the marriages ended in divorce), the cousins' childrens' pictures were displayed - but the photos from our graduations, and my wedding and my children went into storage.

We came to the conclusion that it was because we were JWs and that this was a subtle form of Persecution™.

However, I was recently informed that my JW parents have carried on the tradition and have taken down pictures that include me and my family. Just one more reason for me to not bother visiting.

I've also been informed that the JW parents will visit a nearby sibling and their family, but they won't drop in (it's on the way) to visit me and my family.

One of my friends asked about the lack of family photos in my house - I don't have any to put up really - and she said it reminded her of movies where people were in the Witness Protection Program. I laughed and said that for us it was more like the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

2112

Wow, I wonder if this is a real JW philosophy that I missed or what. My JW wife does the same thing but does not say she forgot she just says if I buy for one I donn't have to buy for the others. We have 4 boys, She had one when we met, have one together and we adopted two of her nephews. All good kids. If she or I see something we want to get for one of them I will sometimes say we could get something for one of the others. This really gets her irate. I mean she gets pissed and insists it would be wrong to get something else for someone else. To the point that at the simple suggestion of such she will often just refuse to buy anything for any of them.

Go figure

changeling

My mother in law (not a JW) had a favorite grandchild and made no bones about it. She is the eldest daughter of my husband's sister. Her two siblings and my two children could never live up to her in their grandmother's eyes.

Her least favorite was the favorite's baby sister. My mother in law could never even remember that child's birthday.

This caused a lot of hurt and unnecessary jeolousy among the grandchildren.

Your sister's reaction was warrented.

changeling :)

Carmel

Hey, I was one of those "children" left out when the goodies were passed around. Seems when my mom died she left all her vast wealth, (an old trailer house and a couple acres of land) to my older brothers. I was left with $1 in the will so I couldn't contest it.

Sorry, mom, but I didn't want any of your material possessions. I hear my brothers had a real falling out over how to divide the spoils.

One unnecessary war not fought! No scars from it though. Life has been too good to worry about how your parents percieved your independent thinking..

carmel

Opinion poll: Is it wrong for grandparents to buy presents for all but one?

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