Graduation and elders meeting! (page 3)

OnTheWayOut

The idea to dance in circles, I have stolen from others here.

If you must meet them, don't provide the rope to hang yourself.

If they have two witnesses to something and want to DF you, then
they don't need your confirmation and will proceed. But in all
likelihood, they don't have that and they need a confession to
get where they want to go- either your complete obedience and
throwing yourself at their mercy or kicking you out.

I agree that not meeting is the best option, but meeting to "listen"
is the alternative that shows the parents that you were trying to
cooperate. Keeping your life to yourself, if they needed a
confession, the likelihood that they would DF is slim (but not
out of the question).

LovesDubs

Did I miss something? When did it become a disfellowshipping offense to date and marry a worldly person? Or are they trying to get you on the "appearance of evil" tactic that your car has been seen at his apartment overnight blah blah blah...

There was an MS in our hall whose wife was dying of heart disease. She studied with me, was baptized and died in the beginning of December. Huge funeral. A year to the day she died we were making some cards the kids and I for this brother thinking he would be thinking about her and sad and we were stopped by a sister who said Dont! Hes not pining away for her! He is MARRIED already! I about dropped my TEETH! MARRIED I said??? When to WHOM?? and WHERE IS SHE?

Oh, she said....he was married by January 1st! He married a woman WHERE HE WORKS at the bus company! The elders have known about this since they got married, she said. And that brother had ZERO reproof ZERO repurcussions from what he did! And you know damn good and well he was seeing this chick for who knows how long before they married LESS than a month after his wife was even dead! This brother was in the book study I had at my HOUSE and every week he was all about WAITING ON JEHOVAH for this or that. Fricking HYPOCRITE! I actually called him on the phone...I was furious! And his reply to what I said was that he was sorry but he HAD to marry her in order not to commit fornication! Helloooooo....and how many available and WILLING sisters are there in the hall that you could have married brother?? He replied with a "well I DO have studies with her when she is willing and I hope SOME DAY she will join me at the hall. "

So oh HELL no you cant be on the carpet for seeing and marrying a worldly person!

OnTheWayOut

Loves, I understand what you are saying.

I assume she means that there is something that she could get DF'ed for
when she asks if she should fake repentance. Engagement and marrying
a non-member are not DF offenses. I answered (and I assume most others)
answered assuming all that.

But you make a good point. What is there to hide or be repentant of?

If there is no sex before marriage (or at least no proof of it beyond your word)
then feel free to discuss that freely, just leaving out anything about not believing
"the truth" anymore.

Octarine Prince

Summary:

Don't meet with them. Shoot them "the ghost." Ignore their calls.

If you end up meeting with them, don't admit anything. Don't offer
anything.

Hope you do some nice work in your major, and have a good life
with what's his face. *smile*

sweet pea

Your life is none of the elders' business and your faith (if you have one) is between your creator and yourself.

DO NOT MEET WITH THEM. They have absolutely no authority over you. There is nothing wrong with getting an education or marrying a non-JW.

Let the chips fall where they may.

Well done on getting a life regardless of the cult's teachings. Enjoy your graduation and I wish you all the best with your relationship.

WTWizard

I would just fade at this point. Once you do a thorough cost-benefit analysis and feel you have wasted enough of the hounders' time or your family starts shunning you anyways, you might then send in the disassociation letter on your own terms. However, just disappearing might be enough for you.

itsallgoodnow

Your silence, and anyone else's, only lets those idiots continue to destroy more and more families. After I post you'll see many people attacking what I say... they'll say that they can't lose their famlies and the like, but there are many on this site that told the truth, and some of us gained and lost family members in the process. But sometimes you make a stand for future generations.

Do you really want on your conscience more and more generations of people losing their families because you didn't speak out? Allowing fools to tell someone that going to college is wrong, that licking your partners privates is a disfellowshipping offense and so many more things that keeps people from obtaining happiness that it'd take a book to post it all?

This is a war, and we are losing because we have too many weak minded sheep in our trenches. Don't be one, your opposition may save someone else... those still in that know it's all crap may find courage to take a stand because you showed courage.

Dawg, people are going to do what they are going to do, with or without people speaking up about what they know. They won't let your voice be heard anyway, so it's a moot point. Religion is a freedom allowed by government law, and it's up to each and every one to decide what he wants to do. People must, including you and me, accept their part of the responsibility of getting involved in the first place. Why don't they check it out first before getting too far in? If I had, I wouldn't have gotten baptized. I don't blame anyone but myself for that, and I don't blame people who didn't speak up.

I don't want to save people. I think people should save themselves. I don't care if you got disfellowshipped and it was hard. Fading is hard, too. The whole thing is just so irrelevant. I don't care about future generations of witnesses. they too will have a responsibility to make sure they are doing the right thing for themselves. There is a world of information waiting for them, if they want to access it, and it is their responsibility to do so in order to make the best decision for themselves. Not my responsibility.

dawg

It's all... I was born into this shit, nothing you said applies to me. Silence in the presence of men you disagree with is cowardice and allows the suffering of others in certain circumstances... You know, circumstances like this one.

Once I discovered the truth, I spoke out as anyone should when they see events unfolding that allows others to suffer, be that whatever it may.

I have a hard time believing even you think what what you wrote; it sounds like a cop out to me.

parakeet

why??? wrote: "Does anyone; esp anyone who's been in this position, know the best way to handle the meeting?"

I was in your exact position (many years ago). I was still a JW, but I was deadset on marrying my nonJW boyfriend of one year. My advice to you is to do exactly what I did: Ignore them. Don't go to their stupid kangaroo court. They have no business nosing around your personal business. If you take a hard line, they usually back off (like the cowards they are).

flipper

WHY- You are NOT obligated to meet with them for any reason. It is your life - and they are NOT wanting to be helpful- just nosy and controlling. And trying to catch you at something so they can bring heartache to your parents to DF you. So- don't tell them ANYTHING . Your relationship with your parents is between you and your parents. Not you, your parents, and the elders. The elders did not change your diaper as a kid - don't let them have control doing it now ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Graduation and elders meeting!

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