Were U Depressed Because U Were A Jehovah's Witness? (page 3)

Lady Lee

This is such a multi-layered issue for me

I had been sexually abused as a child before my mother's contact with the JWs. I had also been abandoned by my mother twice. I was physically and emotionally abused in my family. I was emotionally and physically abused in my foster family. And then sexually abused by 3 uncles (all baptized JWs) and my step-father after my mother got involved with the JWs. And then my mother arranged for me to marry someone I barely knew a new JW who got baptized one week b efore the wedding. NONE of those issues were ever dealt with.

So shortly after my 18th birthday I was married to a stranger I knew it was a huge mistake. So I stayed for 15 yrs and had 2 children. In the marriage there was emotional and financial abuse and sex-on-demand while he used scripture to demand his "due". By the end of those 15 yrs I was severely suicidal and was making plans how to do it.

And for good measure I was living in an oppressive religion and a repressive political regime that considered English speaking Quebers as second class citizens that didn't deserve the rights of French speaking citizens.

Was I depressed? You bet.

Leaving the religion and the marriage was a first step to freedom for me. I went to therapyand read voraciously to deal with the childhood abuse issues; went back to school; did work I loved and left the provimce of Quebec (now I live on the other side of the river and my rights as a citizen are respected)

One step at a time.

Out of all of that, the abuses and neglect and abandonment, the worst thing in the world was not the actual abuse itself. The worst thing was believing I had no choice.

Access to information as doled out by the WTS constricts the mind. The choice is lap it up, swallow it down without complaint or suffer shunning by all your JW family and friends in this life and eternal death. They teach people there is no choice. And sadly far too many people believe it.

If you are not free to say "yes or no" without deathly consequences then there is no choice.

WTWizard

I was depressed because life itself sucked. When I first joined the religion, I thought that it would improve my situation. This depression (and anxiety) was the direct result of severe problems with meeting the opposite sex (which problem they promised to help me with, too) and general inhibitions in doing the same.

Here is the "help" I got from the cockroach-jizz witlesses:

I had to get rid of my music--about half of my songs were bad, including songs that were all-time favorites. The Christmas decorations, a birthday card from work, and anything from astrology and psychic items had to go, too. And I had to quit walking for weight control to make room for field circus, which wasted much of my time.

The "benefits": Masking problems. It built additional walls between myself and the opposite sex, particularly when I was going in. Instead of solving the problem, it merely masked it. The walls were still there, along with additional ones. This trend persisted for about a year, when I stopped being so anti-fornication. However, there was always the chance of getting disfellowshipped that sabotaged any and all attempts to bust out of it. That damn 11/1/1989 Washtowel came at the worst possible time for me.

Past that, it narrowed my horizons. I would spend my time between work, boasting sessions, and field circus. There were absolutely no high points in my life during that time. Whenever they saw one about to happen, they took the opportunity to bust it up before it could do me any good. Ultimately, they wanted me to just meet other men, guaranteeing no more high points in my life. The TV was all that I had for entertainment, and that was lots of shows that were on Nickelodeon and the Family Channel.

Additionally, I had a major problem with Christmas. The first year I started studying, they put the Christmas decorations up in the stores for sale, and I got sick on them (a headache). That was not a good sign--I never had that problem before, and it was not allergies or new chemical sensitivities. The Christmas music started on Muzak, and I got a headache on them. The year before, I welcomed the exact songs as a break from otherwise stale Muzak. That had been a problem since--even after I became irregular in boasting session and field circus attendance, I was spending most of the year scheming of how to drown out the Christmas music or minimize the effect. That is not healthy or balanced, since now I can enjoy those same songs without getting any headaches.

Birthdays were the other point I had problems with. Of course, my birthday came up and I would catch myself thinking about it during the early years. The goal was to go through my birthday and not even remember that it is my birthday. Again, that involves repressing memories and more inhibition, wasting energy repressing my birthday that should have been spent doing other things. Which messed everything else up--not celebrating birthdays at work created strife one year.

I do believe that being a Jehovah's Witless did complicate the situation. It proves that doing things Jehovah's way does not solve problems, and usually makes them worse. Too bad that Almighty Baghead Tyrant is envious of my trying anything that would work--He always has ways of sabotaging it so I cannot get the full benefit. As if to force me to "try" again a way I know will not work.

justhuman

Hell I was bllody depressed...

Mysterious

I was really depressed as a JW. I never had any friends and I didn't like a lot of the people in the cong. I was always embarrassed and stood out for being a JW and that was really bad when I was so shy at the time. I also couldnt read/watch what I wanted to or go in sports or band or anything that seemed fun and it was monotonous. Plus I knew I wasnt always perfect and I was terrified I wasnt normal and that everyone in the congregation was better than me. Then being told that god hated what I was and thought about and wanted just because I was queer.

Magick

depressed? naahh...carrying around 100 lbs of guilt everyday was certainly a blessing from Jehovah!

LouBelle

Personally I never got depressed because I was a Witness - I hardly get depressed - it's not in my nature. If I've been down, I know how to pick myself up.

But other people - oh my! There was one sister in particular - always down and depressed and life was so bad - it was her thing - she really must have got a kick out of it because it fed her appitite for whatever she wanted out of life. - she was never happy and everyone would flock around and faff. Not me though - we didn't really get along.

S3RAPH1M

I feel far better about myself after leaving the control freak watchtower organization that demonizes God's sacred gift to us humans, independent thinking.

dogisgod

I was deep in cognitive dissonance. Privately depressed but always very funny around them. It took a lot of energy.

flipper

MINIMUS- Great subject my friend. I agree that a good number of witnesses suffer from depression due to the impossible expectations put on them - which no one could ever fulfill. My wife ( who was never a witness ) and I have talked about this very subject before in what draws people to the witnesses .

And we came to the theory that a good number of people already suffering from depression turn to the witnesses or religion - looking for a cure all to their problems. Some depressed individuals feel incorrectly - that if they join the Jehovah's Witnesses , or other religions , it will be an answer to all their problems. But, unfortunately they get dejected seeing lack of love , and rigidness in the belief system - which throws them into deeper depression than they were before they joined the witnesses. It just accelerates an already bad or volatile situation ! Just looking at it from another angle.

So, it's no surprise many people who have commented on your thread feel elated after getting out of the witnesses ! It's like having a ton of bricks taken off your shoulders. Life is difficult enough in the best of circumstances- but as you say, adding the burden of pleasing elders, who can never be pleased or the organization itself make it rougher. It's no wonder people crack up mentally. Personally I was fortunate - I have always been the eternal optimist - I wasn't depressed as a witness, just controlled with no freedom . But I have felt much more happiness being out ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Were U Depressed Because U Were A Jehovah's Witness?

minimus