You leave the Borg., your spouse stays in. Does marriage become hell?

by Hiddenwindow 36 Replies latest jw experiences

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  reniaa

  I agree with most on here, how your marriage works usually depends on the depth of your love for each other and how much you can work through the early hurting days. If there were major marital problems before one partner left the Jw's, then all leaving will do is bring them to a head and the marriage ends. IF you both still genuinely respect and love each other time can make the marriage work.

  The one thing I hate is when people say if they loved me they would leave the religion ewwww! What we innately believe is so personal, it's all about our origins and hope for the future, I would never respect a partner that basically felt he had rights over the inner workings of my mind so he can tell me what to believe (this applies both ways with the JW and the non-Jw both should respect a persons right to their own inner beliefs)

  I will say one word of warning the despising factor works both ways, while you can see a remaining JW spouse now seeing you as an apostate, you can also fall into the trap of letting your new found feeling of scorn for WTs reflecting in your treatment of them and their still believing!
• 

  Black Sheep

  I met my wife as a drifted, born in, JW. Still believing, but unwilling to put myself under the control of the cult.
  
  I made the mistake of introducing her to the cult.
  
  She took to it like a duck to water and I let her bring up our children in the religion.
  
  Now:....
  
  She has misled me as to the current teachings of the cult, and I have busted her deception using current literature.
  
  She didn't like that, but did not put up any defense for her behavior.
  
  She thinks that I am a danger to our grandchildren and she knows that I think she is a danger to our grandchildren, and she knows the reasons why I think she is a danger. She has never disputed my reasoning for this.
  
  In fact, she has never disputed anything without misleading me and I have confronted her with her deceptions every time.
  
  Still:...
  
  I am the evil one, sent by the Devil to lead her astray.
  
  At heart, she is a good Christian and humanitarian and I love her dearly. I just hope that, one day, she will see that I am not the bad person that the WT portrays me as, and we can get on with the wonderful life we married each other for.
  
  Cheers
  Chris
• 

  Jim_TX

  Well... in my case, I just drifted - or quit going to the meetings waaaay back in 1983 or so. I stuck in the marriage - while the wifey continued going to her meetings.
  
  However... after about 15 years or so... her attitudes changed towards me. She began to show disrespect towards me... I believe it was because I was considered an 'unbeliever' or somesuch.
  
  Anyway... I finally got tired of it - and filed for divorce. Personally, I was willing to 'live and let live', but I believe that she wanted that husband who is a JW - perhaps even a prominent JW in the organization.
  
  I am much happier now - remarried... and so is she (well, she's remarried... I don't know if she's happy).
  
  Regards,
  
  Jim TX
• 

  jgnat

  Look at it this way. In many ways a marriage is a contract and no matter what we say when we are starry-eyed in love, we come in with expectations. We think we know each other. Some couples vow to remain childless. Others claim that they will never get in to debt. Or their marriage may be based on sharing the same religous beliefs.

  What happens when one partner changes their mind? It puts a huge strain on the relationship. The other partner needs time to adjust, and perhaps the changing dynamics are just too much for them to bear. Give them a chance to make up their mind if they want to live a future where you will not share the same beliefs. Or if they want to follow you in your journey.

  I think it pays to consider your approach. Introduce them to your new way of thinking slowly. Give them time to adjust.

  I've seen some examples lately, perhaps with the new young Witness couples, where one turns to the other and says, "I don't want to do this any more" and the other says, "Me, too!" Of course, like every good witness, they did not express their doubts out loud for fear of the result. What a surprise to find out that both are going through the motions!

  Now, how about someone like me who voluntarily entered a mixed marriage? We definitely have our moments and our favorite fights. Perhaps we both enjoy the regular sparring. However, I still resent how the Christmas season is spoiled for me. Christmas has, in the past, been a season of love, joining, giving, and sharing. Never more. Now it is a battleground, and a whole new set of emotions flood me.
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  jgnat

  Passive suicide, if you really hate showing your age, do as I do and remove your date of birth from your profile.
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  treadnh2o

  It's too soon for me to tell. But I still go to the token meeting here and there (two hours of planning my work week and internet access on my phone). As far as prayer,I still believe in God so I pray to God at dinner, I just actually mean what I'm praying for now and not just reciting the cultish terms most of us have been indoctrinated with. We actually are getting along quite well. That might change if I get kicked out but hopefully she will"Awake" and see the 'truth" before then.
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  S3RAPH1M

  I left the Borg and had no spouse, and now I have the entire planet as choice in selecting a wifey, instead of the clones.