Need suggestions... how do I respond to my elders?

Robert7

So our fade is not going so well. Too many people have been asking about us, and therefore giving us attention. We've had no choice but tell select few friends that we're discouraged, and one that we're having a hard time believing the FDS in general.

So this morning we got a call from our PO, who wants to 'talk' today in person. I know they will be picking our brains, and given that both my wife and I won't flat out lie, this could the end for us in the congregation.

So how should I respond? I feel like I need to call him back, because he will keep calling and probably stop by our house. But what do I say so they just leave me alone? All we want is to have people stop hounding us, and prefer to not get DF'd.

Thank for your comments.

BFD

Just tell him you're thinking of going to college to further your edumacation.

BFD

momzcrazy

Honestly? I would tell them that you are not encouraged by the hounding. You are feeling like you are being stalked and you want them to stop it. Sound pathetic though, not angry. Ask that they please give you some time to get thru the problems you and your wife are having. That will sound like it is marital trouble, but in reality you are both having problems with the FDS.

momz

cognac

I'm so sorry... Acckkk... bttt- somebody will have good advice on how to handle things... If they do get to you, leave things as vague as possible.

OnTheWayOut

This is, unfortunately, something you will have to decide how to handle.

You will get inundated with suggestions that you DO NOT MEET WITH ELDERS.
Those suggestions are probably the best ones. If you decide that advice to
AVOID THE ELDERS won't work for you, then (and only then) will some of the
following advice work for you.

Only meet at the hall so you can leave. Do not have them over to the house,
especially for a meal. You cannot rudely end it so easily. At the hall, you can
say, "I need to go." "We are done." "Thank you, goodbye."

If you must meet with them, say you will listen to them. When they start prying,
stop it. "I am here because I said I was discouraged. [list some actual discouragement
like economics, health, the new GENERATION doctrine] I am not here to answer
a bunch of questions about me." I know that's hard, but really duck answering if you
want to fade.

If you met with them, attend the very next TMS/Serv. mtg. That makes it look like they
helped you. Then go back to whatever you were doing.

Refuse further follow-ups. Say, "We are fine. No thanks." Stick to that.

Better just to say that now, but you know your circumstances. Fades have some bumps
in the road. Best to accept that and take the bumpy ride.

WTWizard

Just don't show up. If you agree to a meeting, make sure you are not there (and come up with a wimpy excuse, and make it as difficult as possible for rescheduling).

Finally-Free

how do I respond to my elders?

Remember, they're not your elders, they are congregation elders. The only power they have is the power that you give them.

I tried to fade for a few months, but I don't have the patience to tolerate the inevitable hounding. At 45 years of age I didn't enjoy looking over my shoulder all the time, watching what I say, wondering if I should answer the door or phone, as if I was an errant teenager. It was time to stand up like an adult and put those "elders" in their proper place regardless of the consequences. It was the best thing I ever did.

W

jgnat

I get the strong sense that your wife needs time to catch up with you. She needs her sense of balance back. I agree with the suggestion that you advise your CO/PO that you and your wife need TIME. Beg them to stop the hounding, it is only confusing you more. You aren't feeling the brotherly love, yadda yadda.

Who knows if it will work? But I think it is worth the try.

I think the two of you need a gameplan. How to answer the phone. How to screen calls. How to answer the elders. A couple, as a united front, is a powerful force. Don't let them "divide and conquer".

Robert7

Thanks for all your comments so far. It's weird how even though mentally I'm not a JW, how they still have some level of control. I guess after years of indoctrination, I'm still afraid to get DF'd, although I am prepared to DA if I must.

garybuss

To Jehovah's Witnesses, religion is a contact sport. They're fanatics. Whackos! These guys only recently quit using sound cars, blasting in front of the Catholic Churches on Sunday morning.

The reason you are apprehensive about meeting with the Jehovah's Witnesses, is you are not prepared. Prepare yourself, and meeting with them is fun, like a cat playing with a mouse. The main thing to know is, elders are basically cowards. Use that.

When I fight with a Witness, I'm going into battle against an unarmed man. I asked two elders 10 questions that kept them away for 9 years. I finally broke their fade from me by calling them.

If you do meet with the Witnesses, meet at a neutral location. Never your home. Never at their location. Here's some tips that do work in close confrontation.

Tip #1. Read the last 2 Watchtower and the last 2 Awake! magazines cover to cover with conviction. When you meet with the Witnesses immediately put them on the defensive by calmly asking them what they thought of this article and that article. Witnesses don't read the publications. I didn't know that when I was a Witness for a long time. I found out by accident.

After they admit over and over that they didn't read the literature you mention, you have taken control of the meeting. They will make excuses to you why they haven't read the publications. When they confess and ask forgiveness, they have lost. The meeting is over. Don't let them take control back. If they try, go back to asking about articles you know they haven't read.

Tip #2. Every question they ask you, say: "I agree with the Watchtower magazine on that." If they ask you to explain, flip them and ask them if they have a problem with the Watchtower magazine. Ask them if there's some problem with you not having a problem.

Tip #3. Never let them meet with you and your wife together.

Tip #4. If they come with two or more elders, don't talk if they are flipping their Bibles or their bound in "Reasoning" book. If they are flipping pages, they are chanting. Don't talk when they are doing it.

Tip #5. There are great books on coercion and manipulation. Get them and study up. Read up on hypnosis, NLP, and study sales closes. Master the alternative close. Read up on the Verbal Art Of Self Defense. Study flips. Practice!

Education, preparation and skill takes away fear. None of those three are free or fell into my lap. They took some work. I am shunned by the Witness people and I wouldn't want it any other way, so I come at them with a nothing to loose attitude. All elders I know are idiots and egocentric. They are no match at all, and they are not to be feared, they are to be disrespected and played with.

Need suggestions... how do I respond to my elders?

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