Have u found friendships w/ worldy people be hard?

blkblk13

So, I'm embarking on slow fade and I think it's time for me to start making friends w/ some non-jdubs so that I'll have a support network once I decide to be completely out and everyone Ive ever known abandons me. Ive always gotten along much better w/ wordly people than Jdubs so I'll haveno problem securing friends but Im concerned about being to keep them.

I want out of the Org for various reasons but I must admit I still believe many of the teachings. I just think the leadership and organization itself is corrupt. For example, even when I leave I don't think I could ever celebrate b-days or Christmas or Valentines. Just cuz Id no longer be a witness doesn't mean Id embrace all the things the world does. So, for those who r out could u tell me how its been having friends? I know holidays r important to worldy people and they sometimes feel hurt or offended if u dont accept gifts from them or give them presents. These r important moments in their lives and they expect a true true friend to celebrate these occasions w/ them. And what about relationships? Not getting ur lover something from Valentines day is like a death blow to relationships in the world. Do I have to change everything about who I am to fit in? Have any of u found a circle of friends who accepts u even w/ these beliefs or did just decide to join them?

Eyes Open

Why are you still bothered about birthdays and stuff?

Loads - absolutely loads - of things have pagan origins. Maybe it's time to stop worrying and to do some new things?

Twitch

At first, I didn't understand the "rules" and didn't fit in. Still don't to some degree but I've learned to make my own rules and don't care if others like it or not. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule and I'd be a fool to think everything about life, love and friends has to have rules. So make your own rules about everything. Then break them and see what you have left. You don't know the limits until you exceed them.

As for worldy people, you won't be one until you realize everyone and no one is a worldly person.

The hardest thing I found when I left was not to analyze everything all the time. Not that it's a bad skill to have; you just have to turn it off and go with the flow sometimes. Especially when it comes to relationships. It's kinda fun actually, if you can get into fun mode and not care too much.

Don't worry about keeping people as friends or whatever. Some will come and go. Some will stay. Others will take and a few will give. It's all a bit of a gamble and nothing's certain so do the best you can and be honest with yourself and people around you. Take care of yourself and a few select people in your life. The good ones will respect this and stay. F*** the rest.

I dunno. Ask the Magic Eightball

White Dove

I've found that holidays necessarily follow a growing friendship. They bring people together for good times and bonding. It is seldom for religious reasons that people actually celebrate these things as a lot of non-JW's are not really religious. They just use the holidays as an excuse to get together because everyone seems to have that time off from work. The holidays for me add color, music, and mood to the occasions. You don't have to celebrate them personally, but please realize that because they are so important to non-JW's, that if you get invited to a party or meal at those times, they really like you and value you as a person. It would be bad policy to avoid these invitations on a regular basis if you want friends because it would be viewed as severe snubbing. That's no way to make friends. I've been to several of these things and it usually has nothing to do with the religious aspect of the holidays. Birthday parties are fun like graduation and anniversary parties. They are simply excuses to get together with friends and loved ones. I don't see them as more than that. If you really want meaningful friendships, you will need to share these important things with them.

done4good

You need to really, (and I mean really), teach yourself the truth about "da troof". Once you do that, you will begin to see things such as holidays, and about a billion other things more clearly. Some important questions to ask yourself:

1. Why do I still believe the "basic" jw teachings? If I do, then do I believe they were ever the truth? If the answer to the second part happens to be no, then what is the significance of their belief system anyway? If yes, then what caused them to "loose" their standing?

2. Do you really believe that billions of people will be destroyed for not thinking like the jw? Especially if you believe the org is somehow flawed?

3. If the "world" is wrong, and jws are wrong, then do you believe that only the few thousand people that think as you do are right?

The obvious conclusion to these questions should be that if the jws have it wrong, then they really don't have it right. That would leave most, if not all of their teachings, (at least as it relates to the esoteric stuff like holidays), probably wrong. For your own good, spend some time educating yourself about the story behind these things. It won't take merely a day or two. Plan to spend some time on this. If your mind is open, you will see the jws don't have it right.

j

jamiebowers

The way to make friends is to be friendly, and the way to keep friends is to have something in common. Get a hobby or join a club to meet people with similar interests. There are tons of things that have pagan origins, and the only reason the WTB&TS forces jws to abstain from holidays is to have just one more thing to control in the lives of the rank and file. Holidays are important to most people, because they are fun. You don't have to be a cookie baking, tree decorating person with a yard that looks like a landing strip at Christmas, but it would be nice to attend parties, participate in a gift exchange, volunteer to serve the less fortunate, etc.

I am a cookie baking, tree decorating FOOL with a yard that looks like a landing strip at Christmas. I shop year round for gifts, and my husband and I start baking and decorating right after Thanksgiving. I always have a houseful of people on Christmas day and usually New Year's Day. It's a lot of work, but I LOVE it! We go all out for all of the holidays, but Christmas and the 4th of July are the biggest. We always include people in our celebrations who have no where to go. It is very rewarding. Start slow and give it a try if you like.

garybuss

Have u found friendships w/ worldy people be hard?

No! But I found enduring friendships with Jehovah's Witnesses impossible.

milligal

Actually you'll find that 'worldly' people are very accepting of other viewpoints. Schools now have generic holiday celebrations along with cultural celebrations. People are becoming so politically correct I don't think you'd have to worry about offending BUT you might consider that if the organization is not being led by god, what of it's teachings?

There is a psychological theory about programming-we all receive it and when we do, it's hard to shake. You might ask yourself if you really feel holidays are wrong and pagan -in which case you need to reasses (can't seem to spell tonight "re-assess"-sorry: ) things like wedding ceremonies and graduations-to be consistent-OR are holidays simply outside your comfort zone because of how you have been programmed?

It's an interesting journey-finding yourself once you're 'out'. Good luck

John Doe

Depends on what they're wearing.

shamus100

When talking with worldly "walking corpses", try to avoid telling them that they are in fact "walking corpses".

i.e. "Hey, Shamus, wanna come over for a barbecue?". "I'd love to, walking corpse. What time is the party?"

It took me years to stop saying that to the walking corpses... er, um, worldly people.

Have u found friendships w/ worldy people be hard?

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