Have u found friendships w/ worldy people be hard?

by blkblk13 31 Replies latest jw experiences

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  WTWizard

  True, you have the freedom to play down holidays and birthdays, and many older people in fact do (who wants to be reminded that they are getting old when they hit 50 and 60?). However, you might wish to take a good look at the reasons for keeping your old beliefs from the witlesses.

  To start, if you are not celebrating Christmas or birthdays for religious reasons, I suggest looking at Luke 2:10-14 objectively. There, it speaks of perfect angels celebrating Jesus' birthday without getting in trouble for doing so. That will help you realize that it isn't wrong to celebrate a birthday or Christmas if you so feel like it.

  Obviously, there may be personal reasons for not celebrating certain holidays. If you are single with no prospects, it might be hard to get into the spirit for Valentines Day, regardless of its origin (and that is a valid personal reason to choose not to celebrate it). There may be other personal reasons to forgo or limit a holiday--money among them.

  Each belief you keep or shed has an opportunity cost and benefit. Some beliefs can hold you back from making friends with the world. For instance, even if you keep Christmas low-key yourself, a Bah! Humbug! attitude will in all likelihood make them think you are still a witless. A better approach might be to accept their celebrating and go along with it to a degree. A simple "Merry Christmas" or "Happy birthday" can make the difference between being accepted and being pegged as still a witless. You alone will have to decide if a belief is holding you back, and if so, is it worth discarding. I might add, however, before you ditch beliefs, you should research them so you can find the appropriate truth (and research from several independent sources) and not return to an erroneous position.
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  bluesbreaker59

  Goodness...

  Stop using "Dub lingo", makes you sound like a damn cult follower... From now on, call PEOPLE; PEOPLE, and call DUBS; Witness People, or Dubs... THEN, do me a favor, try out celebrating an easy holiday, maybe Thanksgiving, and see if you don't enjoy it. Getting together with family / friends and eating a meal is a GREAT thing. Then try out your birthday, maybe just go for a couple drinks with friends, or out to dinner. You'll enjoy yourself, also, accept the gifts, maybe buy something small in return.

  People, and friends are truly blessings, surround yourself with many good people, and watch the blessings float your way.

  I did this, and I have a wonderful support group of close friends, PLUS, the greatest part is I met the woman of my dreams, we are getting married this fall. Her family are wonderful, and my mother (DF'd) and her side of the family have embraced me since I left all that cult behavior behind me.
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  noontide

  blkblk13

  I understand where you are coming from; holidays never meant anything to us as Witnesses, they were just another day. For some of us this will never go away. I still feel weird when people try to celebrate my birthday or when they give me a Christmas present. The only difference between then and now is that I don’t ignore the celebration. Let me explain. If someone wishes me a happy birthday, I thank them. If they give me a Christmas present, I accept it. If they wish me a Merry Christmas, I thank them and tell them I hope they have a nice one as well. I don’t get involved in their activities but I don’t become a recluse as well. If they ask why I don’t celebrate I tell them I was not brought up celebrating and I’m not used to it. I attribute it to “weird upbringing”. We usually have a good laugh and move on from there, no need to get into a big, heavy discussion. Once I get to know a person and some months have passed (3,4,5 or even 6 months), then if they are still in my circle of friends, I will explain a bit more, but not before.

  Friendships are not based on holidays; they are based on common interests and beliefs. It takes time finding these types of individuals; they don’t come pre-made as when you were a witness. They don’t have to love you; they don’t have to be your friend, or “brother”. Being a Witness I felt that I had hundreds of friends, when in reality I only had a lot of acquaintances. I have zero friends left from the Organization. But now I have some genuine friends, not in the hundreds, just two or three, but they have stuck by me. I was, maybe still am, a bit weird or different with my JW upbringing, but they understand and are patient with me, they give me my space when I need it. This applies to romantic relationships. Love the person for what they are, respect their beliefs and they will respect yours. It can get a bit complicated, but it’s not impossible to find someone.

  Remember; don’t compare what you had (friend wise) with what you have now. It won’t be the same, but what you will get, will be genuine.
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  Bring_the_Light

  We will never accept you as a "real" apostate unless you give up ALL JayDub teachings, let yourself be ravished by Satan (and like it), and of course, drink Lambs blood daily. Very sorry, its the rules. Now make your choice or leave before you stumble somebody, hehe. :oP The Light keeps getting brighter. Bring_the_Light
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  parakeet

  Almost without exception, every friend I've made since leaving the WTS many years ago is more honest, more caring, and more forgiving than any JW I've known.
  
  The "friends" I thought I had at the KH ignored me at the first hint that I didn't believe any longer. I soon realized they weren't friends; they were merely fellow cultists. I think you'll be surprised how much easier it is to get to know nonJWs.
  
  Jump on in; the water's fine!
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  blkblk13

  Noontide,

  I appreciate all of these reponses but I really like yours especially. I kinda get the vibe from others that Im expected to forget everything about who I am and who I was raised to be just b/c I have decided to choose a different course in my life. Im not someone who became a jbud later in adult life. It was something I was born into. Im never going to be comfortable celebrating things that I was taught were wrong and there is some basis to support this view biblically depending on interpretation. So, the idea in your comment to leave it up to others to decide but not make a big deal out of it resonates w/ me. I think being trained as a jdub to make every occasion when ur beliefs r inquired about into some great "informal witness" is a habit I'll need to train myself out of. When I think about it there r so many people across the world who don't celebrate these holidays b/c they r too poor or they arent christian and its not apart of their culture so I would think I could find a group of people out there who aren't going to take offense @ me not buying a xmas present for them. I mean there are 362 days out of the year that aren't x-mas, or their b-day, or valentines when I could get them something 2 make up 4 it and spend time w/ them. Thanx for the advice.
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  blkblk13

  We will never accept you as a "real" apostate unless you give up ALL JayDub teachings, let yourself be ravished by Satan (and like it), and of course, drink Lambs blood daily. Very sorry, its the rules. Now make your choice or leave before you stumble somebody, hehe. :oP The Light keeps getting brighter. Bring_the_Light

  umm......babysteps?
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  primitivegenius

  I want out of the Org for various reasons but I must admit I still believe many of the teachings..

  its ok....... it takes some time to figure out the bulls*** the cult hid in among the TRUE teachings of the bible. all i have to say on that is QUESTION EVERYTHING, and eventually you can do the proper research and figure out what is a truth and what is false.

  I just think the leadership and organization itself is corrupt.

  those corrupt leaders are adding many things to the bible by teaching them as FACT rather than as teachings of men. so same rules apply to them as in the first century.......... GET OUT OF HER LEST YOU SHARE IN HER SINS.

  when I leave I don't think I could ever celebrate b-days or Christmas or Valentines. Just cuz Id no longer be a witness doesn't mean Id embrace all the things the world does.

  dont worry you will get over that easily enough in time, simply by asking yourself some basic questions and useing your god given logic......... for example..... BIRTHDAYS...... the cult says birthdays are bad because?

  think about it.........

  simply because only two were mentioned in the bible and both times someone was killed. John the baptist and pharohs baker....... or cup bearer.......... which one escapes me at this moment. what stupid logic

  ask yourself this... birthdays werent talked about alot in the bible........ why? the jewish people celebrated birthdays....... come on guys havent you heard of a bar mitzvah(sp) thats just a Special birthday. so if all the jews celebrated birthdays then there wouldnt have been a need to elaborate upon it since EVERYONE did it.

  so if Jesus himself celebrated his birthday.......... regardless if it gave him some extra attention on that particular day........... then whats stopping you from doing the same............... a cults say so?

  other holidays have equally rediculous reasons........ you can celebrate thanksgiving because........... ITS A NATIONAL HOLIDAY............... no other reason. what a crock. omg what would happen if you did something that any OTHER organization told you to ............

  so dont worry..... just work on releaseing that hold the dubs have over your mind and eventually the logic will win out and holidays will come.. not a big deal at all and i wish you good luck getting there cause it takes time.

  and friends who arent witnesses............ you can actually have a chance with them. they wont reject you for stupid bulls*** because you belive in beards....... you got the good ones and the bad ones same as any persons you come in contact with but they are usually far more accepting of people. enjoy meeting people who you have something in common with as they can be a life saver.
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  Babylon the Great Employee

  The first lesson is to stop thinking of people who aren't JW's as "worldly people." It seems like a simple and obvious thing, but truly, getting that idea out of your head is harder than you think. But it will break down the barriers necessary to form lasting friendships.
  
  I think the second lesson is understanding that not every friend you make will be a lasting friendship, so don't be discouraged if friendships come and go. You are in a state of transition at this point in your life. You are moving from a stifling, brainwashing organization that has defined you for x number of years, to building a new life for yourself. Who are you? What do you believe? What do you want out of life? Those are things you will have to figure out, and different people might get you through that. Sometimes you outgrow friends, sometimes you find that you don't have things in common with people anymore, but I can assure you, that the people who get you through this transition will be people who change your life and you'll never forget.
  
  Personally, I celebrate the holidays now. At first it was a novelty, but now holidays are a time for celebration and reflection for my own personal reasons, not buying into all the commercialized hype. You should do what feels right to you, and if the holidays don't feel right to you, then respectfully decline celebrations with friends and don't be afraid to tell them why (just avoid trying to convince them they shouldn't celebrate holidays either... old habits are hard to break). However, I would recommend taking the time to examine and reflect on why exactly you feel celebrating holidays is wrong. Breaking the indoctrinization is lengthy process of rethinking every "truth" you ever believed, and reaching your own independent conclusions. While real friends won't judge you for not celebrating holidays (or for celebrating holidays!), you might very well find that, for instance, counting down and toasting the New Year with good friends and a nice bottle of champagne is a wonderful experience.
  
  Good luck with your transition, and I hope you find wonderful people to help you through. I am so grateful for the friends I have, it more than makes up for the false friends I used to have.
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  wha happened?

  only on the topic of holidays and my time with the borg.