Serena, it's possible that he's just using you for sex but the JW mentality does strange things to people. I seem to be bucking the trend here but it may well be that he has real feelings for you but feels torn between them and what he has always believed in. It doesn't make him a horrible person but it is not fair to you at all. Regardnless of his motives, he isn't ready now, and most likely won't be ready for a real relationship with you for a long time. CUt your losses and move on. Who knows what can happen in the future? For now though, this is not a good bet and most likely you will keep being hurt.
I FEEL SO USED
by Serena 50 Replies latest social relationships
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peaceloveharmony
sirona, haha, thanks!! typing fast here at the end of the day at work.....
actually naebs, i agree with you too on the whole jw thing messing with him. but in the end, it all comes to the fact that he is not ready. serena, just sing to yourself "i will survive....."
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Monica
Serena,
I'm so sorry for your pain! I've been in your exact same shoes and I can tell you that I understand the agony that you are going through. The above advice to lose this guy is the best advice anyone can give you.
I remember hearing the same above advice and it was so crushing to me, because I just held out hope that somehow this guy would have a change of heart and actually see what he was missing out on and somehow develop feelings for me. I remember how much I hated to hear the advice to just 'lose him, he's no good.'
It wasn't until later that I realized what good advice it was. I mean, there's no better advice in a situation like that. You can't control his feelings and make him feel differently about you and s-e-x most definitely won't make him have emotions for you. But you have inner-strength to change the way you feel about him. It might not feel like it, but it's there. Believe me when I tell you that this experience will make you stronger and your inner-strength will get you through this.
Someone above said to sort of treat this like an addiction - try to get it out of your system. I thought that was good advice. It seems as though you have a hard time telling him no when he invites you over. I remember how hard it was to say 'no' to a guy that I was emotionally attached to. I guess what helped me, is that I had friends and family who were aware of what was going on. When this guy would ask me over, I'd call one of them and they'd talk me out of it (in fact, once my brother physically blocked me from going out the door. LOL!! Good bro I have!). I always felt so much better the next morning. When you tell him "no" and when you wake up the next morning knowing you told him no, it's such a relief to know that you had that strength. Reward yourself for times when you tell him no. Reward that strength! But try your hardest to cut him off. Try REALLY hard. The quicker you do, the quicker your heart will mend.
Please email me if you ever need someone to talk to.
Monica
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ashitaka
I'm sorry Serena. Take these wiser fellow's advice. Get away, be hurt for awhile and move on. He may have feelings for you, but he sounds like a user. Forget him and move on.
ashi
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Serena
I know he really did or does care about me, he said to me that he has never done something like this before in his life, and I am stupid enough to believe him. But now he's shutting me out of his life, because of the religion that has been embedded in his gulible head. I am not ready yet to try to get over him, actually yeah he is like a drug and I am addicted way out of control. I guess, I lost him to Jehovah, if I dare say that.....
Is it really that bad to be involved with a worldly person in this faith, I mean isn't one of the big things in this religion to "gain converts"?
Yeah, I definitely need a good therapist. But right at this moment I need Charlie more. And I know deep down, he needs me too. -
yrs2long
Hi Serena,
I just went back and read another thread you started a month or so ago and I really think you should do the same. It seems like nothing has changed since that time except that you've fallen in even deeper into the quagmire. You have some serious self examination to do. This site is composed primarily of people who have or have had serious issues with the JW faith. Read our experiences and really decide if this is is what you want to become entangled in. In fact, you are not even in the faith and you are experiencing problems connected with it. And I assure you, this is only the beginning. Heartbreak is certain. You see all of the signs and yet still don't believe that fat meat is greasy. Imagine all of the problems that even committed, lovey dovey couples face and place you two in their positions. Is this the type of guy you want beside you as you encounter life's difficulties? By your own admission, he is using you. This guy enjoys you in the eve and bemoans your existence in the morning. If he says he has a responsibility to the bros and sis, hold him to it. Help him keep his resolve. If he really feels as if what you two are doing is wrong, then he really might begin to see you as the enemy to his desire to serve God. Hold out for more; there is more available; you really can do so much better. I myself would never want to drag a guy kicking and screaming to the altar or anywhere else for that matter. There is someone out there who will be happy to be seen with you in daylight and would be proud to have you on his arm for all to see.
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butalbee
Serena,
you need to do some serious soul searching. Stop living in never never land, and start living in the real world. I re-read your previous thread, and I think you both went too far, too fast. You say you were friends before, what's your friendship like now? Can you look him in the eye after what he said to you. Did he at least tell you his guilt feelings face to face or did he do it over the phone, like the coward that he is? I have been involved with a wonderful guy now for quite awhile, but lately I am pulling back. I am not interested in joining his cult faith, and as far as I can see by what I have read, watched, and felt since my "studying" began is that only a prison has watchtowers, and that is exactly what this cult is--a prison, to make their followers their loyal servant, control their life, and make everything they do or say revolve around guilt. Your guy is feeling the guilt of his faith, even if he has deep feeling for you, which I personally think he did,(premartial sex is forbidden big time, any kind of sexual relations), so for him to go that far, something had to be there. But the best advice for me to give to you is pull far, far back, and when he wants you to come over(definition=when he is horny) say no, and tell him exactly how you feel--USED! -
Serena
Tonight, he called me and asked me to do him a favor, that there's nobody else he can trust...He's going away for 4 days to see his brother in Maryland and wants me to take care of his Gecko. He's giving me the keys to his apartment, and told me I could hang on to them for awhile. Guess what I said--I agreed. I am putty in his hands, all I have to do is hear his voice and I have no control over my actions or responses.
But he did ask me to come over to show me how to take care of his lizard. I told him that I have to work very early tomorrow and for him to write down everything I need to know, that I seen him feed her before and know what has to be done. So.....I guess I did say no!!!!
He also said that he would miss me, and would like to say goodbye. But I resisted! Although now I am thinking about picking up the phone and well, going over. I would love to just lay next to him and hear his heartbeat. -
Stephanus
Refusing to go over to his flat to be alone with him is a very good start, Serena. I'd say that although he's said it'll never work out between you, he was counting on a physical workout and you've put the brakes on ever so gently - a positive step forward. Now just keep working on it - you've got 4 days with him away. Make sure you're not around to get the "I missed you so mauch and want to see you when I get back" phone calls. Try to from now on be busy when he suggests you come over to "look at his etchings" - cultivate friendships with people you can socialise with in the evenings - try to squeeze both him and your "need" for him out.
"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it."
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butalbee
Let me guess, I bet you caved in: called him up and went over to his place? I bet $100 on it!