Serena, This guy sounds just like a guy I dated. If you e-mail me privately I will tell you all about it. It may help you dump this LOSER!
"I don't want someone in my life I can live with, I want someone in my life I can't live without."
I FEEL SO USED
by Serena 50 Replies latest social relationships
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nelly136
sounds like he wants his cake and eat it,
take away the cake.
I've got to admit dubs like this irritate me bigtime, they havent the balls to leave or have no intention of leaving but they want the fringe benefits and dont seem to care who gets hurt while they deal with 'their' issues.
They play around with 'worldly' people use them as disposable toys for a bit of entertainment then use the guilt thing to come and go as they please while walking over the good nature of their victim who bends over backwards to make allowances for their 'weaknesses'
Next thing you know theyve married a jw and live happily ever after,
their jw image in tact and 'worldly' person left out on a limb wondering what the hell THEY did wrong to be thrown aside.
dont think 'jehovah' has much to do with this at all, sounds more like a hormone thing.
nelly -
ISP
I think there is some good advice here. I hope you make the right decision. You should also realise that the longer you stay in this relationship the worse for you. Also you are denying yourself the propspects of meeting others.
ISP
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Serena
I am in love with him, I am sorry, but I can't dump him and I can't stay away, the only thing I want to do is be with him, any way I can. Deep down I know he cares about me. He's risking a lot by us sneaking around like we are, if we got caught, he'd be in big trouble with the elders. I don't know what this means for a JW guy in his late 20's but he said he was a virgin before he met me. I believe him. I know I am gullible.
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ballistic
He will get thrown out of the org, but that that's his problem and he'll have to deal with it. Although I was married while a JW, I did not "mature" sexually or understand the opposite sex until after I was disfellowshipped and got around a bit.
Why should you do this guy the service while he's still in, especially as you take him so seriously. I mean, it would be different if all you wanted was casual sex and your cake as he does.
I also agree with Neab about the org leaving people a bit screwed up, but again, you really can't say that is in his favour as he will still have to dump you eventually. -
Billygoat
Serena,
I don't doubt you when he says what he says. I'm sure he does love you. I'm sure he was a virgin. I'm sure he does care for you. Truly I do not doubt it. But you are also right about another thing. This religion has brainwashed him. It has a hold of his heart and his mind and he is addicted to it the same way you are addicted to him. He will never leave it. I know you love him and I am positive you are a good person. But you deserve more. Think about a few questions:
Does it bother you that he has to sneak around with you behind everyone's back?
When you two are together do you do anything other than snuggle or have sex?
Do you ever go out in public together, like dinner or movies or shopping? If not, why?
Have you talked about your common goals? What you want out of life?
I ask these questions because I have been in your shoes. I've learned one very important lesson and I learned it the hard way. Love does not make the world go 'round. Love alone does not make a good relationship. There is another ingredient that people do not stop to think about. That is...
COMMITTMENT.
Charlie may love you, but his actions show he is not committed to you, or he wouldn't shamefully be hiding you. I know it hurts sweetie. All of us wish we could make it go away for you. But you will have to take care of yourself. You will have to focus on what's best for you. Remember we are here to listen and give advice. We want you to be happy.
((((((((hugs))))))))
Andi
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slipnslidemaster
What are you? Like 16?
I think that you should stay with him. That's what you want to hear anyway.
Slipnslidemaster:"The average person thinks he isn't."
- Father Larry Lorenzoni -
BobsGirl
Serena,
I was in a very similar situation just before leaving the borg .... I was desperately obsessed with a man who couldn't/wouldn't commit to a relationship. He played the yo yo game with me ... and this normally rational fairly sane female became a drooling idiot in angst constantly fearing the loss of "my man". It took a very long time for him to drag me so low that it was no longer worth it ... and when I finally reached that point, I realized that not only did I despise him ... I was pretty darn disgusted with me.
Less than a year later I met Bob. He loves me unconditionally ….. is proud of me .... he is so kind and tender that to this day he can move me to tears. He is strong in all of my shaky places and I am strong in his. We are partners and best friends. I like the me that I am with him. I am SO grateful that I was free to love him when he came into my life.
When I look back now, it still makes me sad and a little sick to my stomach to think of the degradation that I willingly subjected myself to for so long.
The fact is ... you are choosing this misery. You CAN make a different choice. There is life after obsession, and it is a better life. I am not saying that it won't hurt; I am not saying that it won't be the hardest thing you have ever had to do..... I am saying that it will be worth it.
BobsGirl
"May the work of your hands be a sign of gratitude and reverence to the human condition." - Mahatma Gandhi
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Yerusalyim
Serena,
It's your business if you want to be his floor mat and sperm recepticle. I say lose the guy. You didn't lose him to "Jehovah" just and evil organization.
YERUSALYIM
"Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
[Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"] -
JBean
Serena,
I would like to know how old you are (you say your b-friend is late 20's)? The way you are conveying your thoughts here is in a very hysterical way. If you take a few breaths and calm down, I believe you'll be able to digest all the information and suggestions you've read here. Realize that everything happens for a reason, and you are to learn from this experience. It's really up to you how you handle this situation. By his actions he is forcing you to act... so act, make a decision and stick with it. I personally think you need to really distance yourself from him... change your phone number even. If he is truly in love with you, he WILL make his way back to you, no matter what the circumstances and how hard you (perceive) you make it for him to come back. If and when he does come back, it would need to be with certain new "rules"... no more hiding, etc. Just my .02!