I've been 'going out' with a beautiful girl and we have a great time together. We have a lot of similar interests and always have stuff to talk/do. The problem is that she's a JW, and I know there is no way I'm going to become a JW. I've already told her that. She's been a JW for 3 years, and lives with her mom and sister who are also JW. No one else in her family is.
We talk a lot about the differences in our religion/beliefs, but she always comes up with an excuse of how I 'could' be wrong and I can never have a counter-argument against her. And if I do, it's pretty weak. Example: I've been researching a lot on the internet about the JW. She says that anyone could write stuff on the internet that's a lie. Example: The books I read about JW. She asks who wrote it, and how do I if know it's really true.
Right now, she's confused about what she wants to do. Be with me or stay with her religion. Now, I need your help. In a few days, she's agreed to look at some of the info I've been looking at, and comparing my bible against hers to see what's different. I want to know some of the more important things to show her and try and explain to her how it's wrong. Thanks
Dating a JW and need some help
by Whizkid 32 Replies latest social relationships
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Whizkid
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Eyes Open
Firstly, it's great that she's agreed to look at some information about her religion. To do that would be to go beyond what she's "supposed" to do.
Now, no doubt other posters will suggest some JW-related things which you may consider using. Try to stick to using contradictory Watchtower material and the bible.
However, I'm going to recommend that the two of you go through a book together which doesn't even mention Jehovah's Witnesses. It's a book by a professor of Hebrew, and deals with how people misinterpret the bible. Doing this should be less of a strain for her conscience as not even JW's say outright that one shouldn't use scholarly material to study the bible.
I suggest you start with chapter four if she will allow you. Hopefully, this will let her see what a load of nonsense the JW eschatology is, which is a big part of the belief system. Then maybe chapters one, two, five and three.
Whatever you use, remain calm at all times and make your points in a way which doesn't force her to agree. So instead of saying 'Can't you see that...', say 'I think that ...' If you sense she feels uncomfortable, ease up and assure her of your love for her whatever she believes. Then carry on when appropriate - don't rush her.
Post back as much as you like. All the best.
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zeroday
Welcome Wizkid,
Let me first state I was a JW for 28 years most of my entire adult life having said that Jehovah's Witness are a mind control cult don't ask how it took me so long to come to that conclusion (a story in itself) they do not want rational discussion about their beliefs it is their way or nothing at all...she will seek advice from her congregation Elders and they will warn her not to engage you in conversation NOW the hard part, believe me you are not the first one to come to this board with this situation answer:
RUN DO NOT WALK
I'm sorry for the advice but it is the least painful decision...
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Eyes Open
You don't know any of that, zeroday.
Not all JW's are the same. If she has already agreed to look at information in a few days' time, what's the harm in Whizkid having a go?
To be honest, it annoys me when people flippantly say things like run. If it wasn't for someone being patient with me in a similar situation, I would still be wasting my life in the WTS.
Whizkid: be prepared that she may never escape and that you may have to let her go. But if you're prepared to spend some months on this, proceed with care and patience. And make sure you're there for support if she does find out the religion is basically a cult - she'll need you more than ever. -
zeroday
You don't know any of that, zeroday.
Not all JW's are the same. If she has already agreed to look at information in a few days' time, what's the harm in Whizkid having a go?
To be honest, it annoys me when people flippantly say things like run. If it wasn't for someone being patient with me in a similar situation, I would still be wasting my life in the WTS.NO skin off me, try as he might I hope it works out for him...I have seen JW's with unbelieving mates that wished they were cooked over coals than be married to a JW...exhaust all possibilities...
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jgnat
You know, you could ask the same questions of her own literature. Howcome she is so sure it is right?
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Finally-Free
She says that anyone could write stuff on the internet that's a lie. Example: The books I read about JW. She asks who wrote it, and how do I if know it's really true.
As Jgnat said, it works both ways. Lies can be printed in books just as easily as on the internet. Can she name the authors of the watchtower's books? Can she check their credentials? Has she checked the sources of quotes the watchtower uses to make sure they were not taken out of context?
The watchtower society has changed their version of "truth" many times throughout their history. That alone undermines their credibility, and calls into question everything they teach.
W
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tryingtounderstandjws
If you love her and want to be with her, then tell her.
If you are not sure about your intentions, then you would be doing her a favor by leaving her alone. If you intend on marrying her, taking care of her or sharing your life with her, then you have to tell her you will be there for her.
If she leaves her religion, then her family, friends and everything she knows will turn their backs on her. She will need you more than ever, because her entire JW world will come to a halt. They will shun her and she will need a lot of love to get through that trauma.
I know from my experience which is very similar to yours.
I didn't convey my feelings enough to the woman I was involved with and it pushed her away and created a gap between us that couldn't be repaired. At the time, I didn't realize how different she was from any other woman I had been involved with. The difference centered around her religious beliefs. Looking back I remember how she told me a couple of times that if she decided to be with me it would be "a decision that would shake the foundation of her existence" At the time, I didn't realize how much weight those words carried and how serious it was for her.
I wish you the best. Everyone deserves love. I hope you find yours. -
MeneMene
Welcome to JWD.
Len Miller (Fatfreek on JWD) wrote a paper on the changes / flip flops the Watchtower Society has made. Perhaps you can use some of this info from the WTS publications.
Here's the link: http://users.oeccwildblue.com/millerlr/PivotalYear1988SodomGomorrah.pdf
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Thechickennest
I married a very nice Jehovah's Witness girl when she was all of 19 years old.....I know. Anyway, I was a new JW convert a few years earlier at 18 years old. I would not trade what we have had together for over 25 years for anything else in the world. We were the lucky ones. We have had the displeasure of seeing many of our JW friends relationships go very wrong. These were couples that were both JW's and also where one was a JW. Be ready to change everything you have ever known about life to the JW ways if you become one....I know you say that is not going to happen. I could and does happen frequently even among the strongest opposers. If your friend leaves the JW's she will be an outcast forever with her family and friends. The shunning is very real. The costs in these relationships are high stake. You and your girl can debate books and the internet until the cows come home. Just take a good objective look around you on this forum. I think you will be able to benefit from many lifetimes of experiences here that will help you with your decision. Good luck!