My grieving process (page 2)

AK - Jeff

How refreshingly well put.

I consider that the healing process is about 9/10ths over for me. The 'getting on with it' is the hard part.

Today brought me into a rather intense discussion of politics with my sister and my dad. I have learned to give and take - as a Jw I always 'knew' the right answer to every matter that came along [or knew what Bound volume to consult to find the right answer]. I actually enjoy the reality of dissenting opinion now - not everyone has to be on the same page - and we can still get along.

Someone said that we cannot fill up our future with baggage from our past. Once we realize that - we can begin to carry on, move forward, and fold the old baggage neatly into a corner. It's a good feeling, isn't it?

I think it took me a year longer than it has taken you to get to this point. Everyone has a different recovery rate.

Jeff

Balsam

I likened it to falling out of love.

When I went into the JW's I loved everything about it, I was in love with God and Jesus and the whole thought of him having an organization built on truth was just a dream come true to my mind and desires.

The love affair became rocky as time passed, expectations were not met by my lover (God) was letting me down. I saw cracks in myself that I thought God would fix and didn't . I found flaws in the people, in my JW husband who had trouble sticking to the guild lines supposedly set out by God. My love began to cool, yet I stayed certain I was the one wrong not the organization. Sometimes the troubles I had made me fall in love all over again with the God called Jehovah and his son Jesus because I felt comforted for a while. But the love would cool again as I began to find it less and less rewarding and more and more like work. The work and effort I put into it began to make me feel cynical which I felt was a betrayal of my love of this god.

Then one day I realized the demands were those of a Psychotic God with a crazed organization because of of the need to refuse blood transfusions even if we were dying or our loved ones were dying. My god took on a frightening demonic overtones, and his organization became evil in its intent. The truth was not there as I had believed. My love died.

When it died I felt set free and excited. But the years of conditioning, like everyone else here, affected me. 30 long years of conditioning didn't go away over night. I felt so darn good though, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, was re-evaluated and I began to regain consciousness, learning to think again. I began to live a normal life, well normal by the general public. LOL

Yes the process takes time, after being in a religious organization so controlling it isn't easy to just drop it and run. Some to drop it and run and run so hard they run into all kinds of terrible troubles from going overboard with their new found freedom.

Thanks for sharing you experience, it is so true.

Ruth

JK666

OTWO,

I think that the situation is slightly different for those who are born in. I was raised and inculcated in the religion. I believed it hook, line and sinker. When I found out it was all a lie, I had to do more than grieve. I had to completely reevaluate EVERYTHING that I ever thought was true.

I did my best to start with a clean slate, but there have been challenges along the way. In depth conversations with you and others on this forum have helped immensely. Yes, I agree, this is a great place to find support.

Thank you for your support and friendship.

JK

Big Tex

The five stages of grief:

Denial:
- Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening."
Anger:
- Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can you accept this!"
Bargaining:
- Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."
Depression:
- Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"
Acceptance:
- Example - "It's going to be OK."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

One can find a measure of support, i.e., understanding, common feeling, acceptance, almost anywhere. Even on an Internet discussion board.

Chris

BFD

I have reached a point where I am ready to stop putting labels on my identity.
I was a JW, then an ex-JW. I am ready to just be the real me.

I have a little dust in my eye, too.

I've learned a lot from reading about your journey over the past year.

Godspeed.

BFD

White Dove

I know! It rips your soul out, chews it up, spits it out, and puts it back into you.

How the he!! are we supposed to come out of it unscathed?!

Impossible.

I went through the anger stage and took a long time in it.

Acceptance is a while in coming. Hasn't knocked on my door, yet, probably because I'm still bitter.

I'll always be nice to them but not feel anything but "what fools you are!"

It's similar to a divorce in that it feels like the truth as I knew it rejected me. I thought it love me!

outofthebox

Excellent post. You nailed it. I feel the same sometimes. It is a journey. It is a process. We are free.

caliber

way out,

Again a very touching post, I believe because you are honest and forthright with your inner self

it promotes healing. How long does it take to completely heal ? I've heard a figure of 1 year

recovery time, for every five years of full indoctrination . ... so 25 years = 5 recovery,10 years = 2 yrs.

I think other factors also enter, those who left of their own accord rather than DF'd should find it

easier.. it was their choice . Also those that actually had life before , were not born-ins , have

a frame work to fall back on . The other thing is that our 5 step grieving process is delayed

if we are waiting for loves ones . One thought I've learned is what they call "vertical living"....

living in the present moment not "horizontal living " looking back at out life or pressing

too hard into the future, dealing with now, enjoying now ! Like what is printed on many

maps ...you are here !

peace and harmony

your friend Caliber !

OnTheWayOut

Speaking for my family, we were in the pits of depression for at least two years, but now it has been over three years, and I am happy to report that happiness is returning to our home.

Quandary, thanks for that ray of hope. We can all boost each other's spirits.

You didn't happen to attend any parades on Sunday did you?

Open Mind, that kind of "out" can be similar. When the loved ones don't approve,
the gay man or woman may have to wonder if they are to blame for their own pain.
Once they learn better, they can start to heal. I hope you find your way "out" and
get your family "out" with you.

So what movie should we watch?

Hope4others- HAIR. Or maybe THE UNFORGIVEN.

I'm glad you're pleased to be where you are now.

VoidEater, I am just starting to be pleased. I can't wait to see how I turn out.

Nicely phrased. Nicely said darlin.

Thanks, BabaYaga and Changeling

Allright I'll just call you Way Out...
Lance
P.S. So when do we get to learn your real name and identity? OTWO's not your real name is it? And you aren't really a ball of fire are you?

Lance, I was going to post my real name and identity. I don't really care to withhold them anymore,
but the whole judicial process might get started. Maybe later.

My grieving process

dawg