My grieving process

by OnTheWayOut 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LouBelle

  And may you always just be the real you. It's a good place to be!
• 

  Mickey mouse

  Thanks OTWO, your thoughts helped me too.

  Mickey.
• 

  tooktheredpill

  OTWO: Thanks for sharing your feelings and experiences with us. Nicely said. Many of us feel that "emptiness" when we realize that we have been following a fake “Truth” ™.

  My situation is very similar to JK666’s:
  "I was raised and inculcated in the religion. I believed it hook, line and sinker. When I found out it was all a lie, I had to do more than grieve. I had to completely reevaluate EVERYTHING that I ever thought was true".

  I'm going through that process right now. I’ve been “disconnected” for a year and 4 months, but it’s still very difficult to “unlearn” stuff that has been your life for 34 years. I know everything will get better.

  I’ve been blessed to find people like you in this forum. We know that we are not alone in this.

  Thank you all for being there for me.

  TTRP
• 

  nvrgnbk

  I am ready to just be the real me.
• 

  Quirky1

  OTWO you said..

  " I am ready to just be the real me. I realized that
  I was living at home, then living in the military, then living as a JW. Along the
  way, I thought I was running my own life, but I never really was making decisions
  for myself up until I stopped going to the Kingdom Hall."

  It's amazing how many doors and windows start popping open in your head when the realization hits.

  Good Post! I enjoyed your thoughts.

  P.S. OOTB - Arent you still in?????
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  How long have you been OTWO anyway?

  Bubblie, when I first started posting in Sept. '06, I had just resigned as an elder and
  already knew I was OnTheWayOut of the organization. I basically completed the
  fade by the Memorial of 2007, but have had residual dealings with this up until now.
  
  There's some theories on how long it takes in this thread. I don't know. 2 years and
  some change for me.

  Don't leave us entirely. Check back in and let us know how you're doing. I know from my own personal experience that it takes a lot longer to heal than you might think. But you are well on the way.

  Scarred for life, I am not leaving. I just may find myself away from JWD more than
  I used to be. I need to get back to the things I should be doing with my day-to-day
  life. I am not "healed" but well on the way, as you say.

  I'll buy you a round.

  Thanks, Dawg. A round of root beers or ginger ales.

  I consider that the healing process is about 9/10ths over for me. The 'getting on with it' is the hard part.

  .....

  I think it took me a year longer than it has taken you to get to this point. Everyone has a different recovery rate.

  AK-Jeff, I was hardcore, but reading through your stuff, I think you were harder core.
  Also, I never introduced any children to it. There are so many variables.

  I likened it to falling out of love.

  ...Then one day I realized the demands were those of a Psychotic God

  Good analogy, Balsam. I am just going to shorten it up and say,
  "It's like falling out of love when you realize you loved a psychotic God that did you no good.
  Great stuff.

  I think that the situation is slightly different for those who are born in. I was raised and inculcated in the religion. I believed it hook, line and sinker. When I found out it was all a lie, I had to do more than grieve. I had to completely reevaluate EVERYTHING that I ever thought was true.

  JK666, good thoughts. It is completely different for many in completely differing situations.
  I don't claim the hardest or the easiest time with grieving a loss.
  Good points. I did have a former self, a different set of values than a JW.
  Growing up JW can really be a hardship. You can't just grieve your own loss, you have to
  urge on the killing of your former self.

  The five stages of grief:

  Big Tex, they know so much more now about grief stages. We don't all go through five
  neat little steps, in order. I am not implying that you are saying that, but it's good to
  know. Denial- for sure. Anger- not one I moved on entirely from even as I type this.
  Bargaining- I hung on for years during the denial stage and promised to get to examining
  the religion soon. That's the closest to bargaining I got. I've been in the depression for
  over two years, and am now ready to say "It's going to be alright."

  Godspeed.

  BFD

  Thanks, BFD.

  Acceptance is a while in coming. Hasn't knocked on my door, yet, probably because I'm still bitter.

  I'll always be nice to them but not feel anything but "what fools you are!"

  It's similar to a divorce in that it feels like the truth as I knew it rejected me. I thought it love me!

  White Dove, the bitterness is with me. But I am willing to let it go. I am ready to let it go.
  It's been a part of me that keeps me warm, but I have to let it go. We have seen a few who
  never let it go. Self damage is not good. I thought it loved me, too. It only used me, so
  it is hard to let go of bitterness. I will find the way for me. Hope the same for you.

  It is a journey. It is a process. We are free.

  Outofthebox, good point. Zen philosophy in it's purest sense reminds us that it is not
  about achieving nirvana or oneness with the universe. The journey, the ability to be happy
  with nothing or make the most of everyday experiences is the point of zen and meditation.
  I am just reflecting a similar thought- I am ready to process and be happy not "knowing" the
  truth or all the answers.

  How long does it take to completely heal ? I've heard a figure of 1 year

  recovery time, for every five years of full indoctrination . ... so 25 years = 5 recovery,10 years = 2 yrs.

  Caliber, if your numbers are raw averages, then I have some time left to go. I was in for nearly
  20 years. If it takes nearly 4 (2 more), that's fine, but I am ready to start feeling good now.
  It's that bitterness and obsession with proving them wrong that I need to let go of. However long
  it takes, it's worth the time.

  And may you always just be the real you. It's a good place to be!

  Ditto to you, Loubelle

  Thanks OTWO, your thoughts helped me too.

  Mickey.

  I hope I continue to help. Just a bit less often. That's all.

  We know that we are not alone in this.

  tooktheredpill, I loved the understanding here on JWD. Even if I spent way too much
  time here, I didn't have to explain the goofy religion to those who really helped. They
  knew. I have a great counselor now. She validates my feelings, but I have to explain
  JW stuff.

  Thanks, Nvr

  It's amazing how many doors and windows start popping open in your head when the realization hits.

  Quirky 1, Yes. I have better understanding and enlightenment, even though I don't know the
  truth about the universe anymore. I do know that I never knew them, but can admit it now.
• 

  The Oracle

  Hey onthewayout,

  I just decided to log in tonight, and for some reason I came upon your post.

  Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can totally relate to your story. I also got a little dust in my eye.

  The Oracle