So how did it go some have asked?
at some point the lady therapist asked me what was probably my number one concern....it just came out...."I don't know if I can stay married to a JW"...Wife burst into tears...and never let up...not even on the way back to drop me off at work...I also said in session I would prefer an open minded wife, and I don't think Wife would pick me now either...not an unbeliever, not an overdrinker, and that marriage to me meant being able to share pretty much everything with one another, my feelings, my friends, my concerns, and that i did not like living a double life...and explained what that was too......she of course said she would stay in the marriage, and mentioned the adultery only rule...so I said it sounds like she feels she is stuck with me...she said it sounds like our marriage is already over....the lady says she does know for a fact that jw's do indeed get divorced without sex sins...cause she has counseled more that one couple like us...one in, one out....that ended with divorce
I did say nice things about her...said the things I love.....and vice verse...and we both said we wanted the marriage to work....so at least a good basis for continuing the sessions.....the lady wants us to find common ground and just ignore the religious difference for now...I said great but how can we do that when the religion is all encompassing to my Wife...it is everything....I will be glad to go to the ground if she can find it....but she never got a chance to find it yet...we ran out of time
Wife mentioned all the time I spend on the computer and so I told her there are thousands of people like me....faders or whatever.....and that I have gotten to know many...and that I need to grow....and that the other docs said I needed a support group and that I don't think she realizes how HUGE this difficult change has been in my life.....and the lady said it is understandable that i would seek out people with similar life experiences....and acknowledged that it is a HUGE thing.......and that she has helped one lady with five straight years of therapy to get over her exit from a similar religion....I mentioned my wife had turned me in to the elders for being on a website with other ex-jw's, and she said yeah but that was cause I was going to meetings then, and that she would not do that anymore since i no longer claim to be a witness and dont go to meetings.
she asked Wife about associating with others like me...and of course a huge NO WAY....she said she likes her friends and would not want friends that had turned their backs on JW!!!....so i held up my hand and said, that kind of hurts, cause you just said you did not want to be my friend..... as I have turned my back on JW! so the lady asks if we could have others over that were not JW ever...like a neighbor of another faith....of course Wife said she only wanted to be around those with the same beliefs and knows ahead of time there would be just too many differences in non-jws, so she would not want to try that. the lady was kind of speechless.........I just sat through the whole thing kind of looking down glassy eyed and listened mostly, and handed Wife tissues....it caught the lady off guard that I just kept right on talking when Wife started crying....ya...I guess I am too used to it.........so many tears these last three years that is was no big deal....sorry, but that was a sad realization
when she dropped me off at work she again said she thinks I want out of the marriage...I asked her why would I have put forth the effort to learn how to deal with this odd arrangement we have through counseling if I wanted out?....just more tears...now she will not answer the phone...........kinda went like that...the lady ran out of time and did not even give us homework...like to get us to think about the common ground thing...it just kind of ended abruptly...
Where are we gonna find common ground???? probably just that we still love each other some.......this cult kills too many families.................oompa
next session is monday for what it is worth
btw...my wifes number one problem/concern....is that i get help for Bi-Polar....like I did not really try 27 drugs the past three years and am now drug free....and pretty much said the reason I am what I am is due to mental illness....really....and I admitted to being obsessed over the JW thing....but not to being Bi-Polar