by Witness 007 61 Replies latest jw experiences
I have never been divorced (married for 23 years) but I can tell you from esperience, that lifes routes are always a stepping stone to something better. I don't know how, but try to find the positives in your and focus on them rather than the negatives.
I haven't walked a mile in your shoes so I can't be of help in this regard. But...I can tell you that life will go on, you'll learn from this, and somehow, you'll be happier in time.
W007 - if there is anything I can do....where in Australia are you? If you want to chat, drop me a line and I can phone you - or vice versa.
Do you have any friend-type support going on for you?
Keep us posted so we know how to help. xxx
Witness,
I do hope that you are feeling a bit more together in the light of day - I see your post went up early this morning our time - the night can tend to bring everything home with crushing force at time like this.
First, I have been with my wife for > 20 years now & have had some pretty rough times - we occupied separate parts of the house for a couple of years and went through the "I want a divorce now" scenario more times than I care to remember. In her case it was a "testing" to see if I cared for her as she believed that I did not care. I never at any time fell into that trap despite some pretty solid aggravation as I did care.....
DO you want to stay with her? If so, think really carefully about leaving / finding somewhere to stay as it can escalate the whole mess by a few orders of magnitude.....been there done that.
Are you upset & emotional? Try to think rationally about things & try not to let your strong feelings of impending loss & disaster guide you. Actions taken in these circumstances (like simply walking out) can be disasterous. I don't know your family circumstances (kids etc) but be very aware of AUstralian Law on this point as you can be taken to the cleaners and would strongly suggest that you talk to a solicitor (even on the quiet) so that you know the consequences of your actions. Believe me, I have seen a close relative cleaned out totally as a result of walking out.
She is agressive? I take it that the back injury is serious. I went through a long period with my wife suffering a degenerative spinal condition that was ultimately fixed by some really serious surgery. In the year leading up to the surgery she changed (moody, angry, agressive) and became less tolerant of everything & everybody (this was unrelated to our earlier problems). SHe progressed from Paracetamol / codeine through a spectrum of prescription opiates that made her sick - she suffered from many side effects from the medication. Pain is a powerful enemy and the drugs used to control it can cause so many issues. Kurt Vonnegut wrote "Bad thoughts and bad chemicals are the yin & yang of madness" - never so true.
You wrote "I FEEL TORN IN HALF. I hope I can make it thru this without dying" - I feel for you my friend, I have been there and had those feelings, but do try to think about what you do BEFORE you do it, and if you want to stay with her avoid doing anything preemptive. It will make things harder.
Take care, and keep posting,
h9k
(((((Witness007)))))
I have been through a divorce. It is a stressfull & emotional experience to go through. But you will make it through and will be a much stronger person in the end. I have since re-married and am happier than I ever have been. You will find happiness too. Just hang in there!!!
I know you haven't gone through the mechanics of separation yet but by your post you seem convinced there is little chance of reconciliation.
I know exactly how you feel. I've been divorced and that initial separation is pure shock. All your power is drained away, feelings of hopelessness and you just want it all to go away. That's why there are thoughts and feelings of death. It is a death, the death of a loving long term relationship that has now shifted.
All I can tell you is my way of dealing with it. At first I didn't. I got sooo depressed and lost, not eating and sleeping, anxious over every little thing and entertaining thoughts of getting back together.
Restlessness.
So first thing is to eat well and exercise so sleep patterns can be reestablished.
I too didn't get a lawyer, as my wife also said let's do this fairly. I'm sorry but it just gave her more time to engage an expensive lawyer and attempt to take me to the cleaners. I could be wrong but at least get legal advice.
Thirdly and this can be the most difficult(at first)is to start a new life as a single person. Go out on your own, even just for coffee or lunch. Choose a place where people are relaxing and open to chat. Started an amazing journey for me.
Feel free to PM but I don't check this site a real lot anymore. My email is on profile.
Good luck, it does get very much better I assure you
I wish you the best Witness007
I haven't been through a divorce so my advice would be useless but I can keep you in my thoughts and give you this big man hug ((((((((((hug))))))))))
Keep posting and remember, we're all here for you.
Good luck.
You've been given some great advice - sorry I can't add anything but I hope you can work through this, please keep us posted.
My heart goes out to you Witness007 as I have been through a divorce and know the anguish you are feeling. My first marriage should of ended much sooner than it did, but it was still a time of much distress for me when it did end. Try to keep everything in the day and spend time with friends you trust and care about you.
Best wishes Maddie
007....................I can only add to HAL's comments.................I think before you go through with a divorce you should offer to seperate for a while..................tell her you dont want to rush into anything, that you love her and that you are prepared to give her space but you dont want to commit to a divorce right now. Offer your support whenever and however she needs it but dont try and push her.
If she agrees to this good..............either way you need to get yourself some support, probably in the form of counselling, which will help you deal with all that you are feeling. Take one day at a time.
Good luck hun
Fi
Witness I'm so sorry to hear that - is there no way of reconciling? I have never been through this myself but my mother is going through a divorce as well. I can see how it's taken a toll on her, she can't eat, is forgetful, but I must say is handling it with grace even though she is the one that has been wronged. I'm so proud of her. She has had literally 2 weeks to sort her life out. This friday she is moving out of her home and into an apartment, I'll be there helping her along. Allow yourself to go through those emotions, and try be strong for yourself. I have nothing else to say on the matter - but if ever you need a should to cry on - I have some broad ones right here mate.
