Friend Says: "It's hard to find a mate after 30 as a witness"

by 4mylove 25 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  LongHairGal

  I agree wholeheartedly with this statement. I was raised R.C. and had a 'normal' childhood with my holidays, etc. I also dated so I was no 'saint'. When I came into the religion I was in my 20s and was worldly wise compared to what was in the local hall - both men and women.

  My first impression of the single men there: in all honesty there was only one or two seemingly normal attractive young guys there. The other guys were a little 'off' to put it plainly. My instinct told me they weren't marriage material because of some mental issues. I don't mean to be unkind but this is true. At the time I wasn't even on the 'hunt' for a man. I was strictly serious about study and the religion. I never really considered myself to be the marrying kind.

  Over the years I had a flirtation or two but that was it. I noticed a lot of game-playing on the part of whatever guys were around, which I found offensive. When I was in the so-called 'world', men chased me. I certainly had NO intention of chasing some guy who didn't even have anything going for him except the fact that he was a 'brother'. I saw other women snag guys who I would never want simply because they were deathly afraid of being single. I guess I was the oddball. I was told I was 'too fussy'. Whatever. I was friends with a couple of working women who felt, as I did, that the religion discourages college education and therefore sets the men up to be unsuitable for supporting a family. Not only that, there are more women than men. So there is clearly a problem.

  What it boils down to is that any woman over 30 who wants to be married and is worrying about her biological clock needs to look outside the religion. Just keep it to yourself and never mind the crap about being viewed as 'bad association' by the idiots in the religion. They are only interested in single women as something to do favors for everybody. They realize once you are married they can't bother you anymore.

  LHG
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  John Doe

  *rolling eyes* I knew alot of women when I was in, just as beautiful/hot as that chick and they were married to supernerds. LOL

  Trust me, there are not a lot of women as hot as that chick anywhere.
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  shopaholic

  They are only interested in single women as something to do favors for everybody. They realize once you are married they can't bother you anymore.

  Very true. Whenever I told someone that I couldn't do something for them it was common for them to ask why not since I don't have a husband or kids. That always ticked me off.
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  blondie

  I was a jw in my 20's during the 70's when I think there was the largest pool of single jw men ever. Once you reached 25 though, the downhill slide started. Brothers wanted young, attractive women with the label regular pioneer and if your father was an elder, even better, and if rich, even better. Brothers 30 and over want young things, not divorced or widowed women, with encumbrances like children (money pits). And any men that come into the WT organization get snatched up very quickly. I can remember on sister making friends with a couple where the wife was dying. Was it any surprise that six months after the wife died, this husband and sister were married.

  Blondie
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  free2beme

  My JW sister-in-law is not a real attractive woman, and her personality leaves a bit to be desired. She is 36, never even held a man's hand, let alone a kiss or date. Told me awhile back that she has given up on marriage. At 36!!! Why? Because the pickings are down to the freaky guys; nerdy, still living with their mothers, mental disablities, etc. Her friends, which as we know birds of a feather flock together, are like her too. Although, in the last year, two have gotten married. Basically to who ever was willing to have them; each one took a freaky girl. Real creepy men for husbands, but they claim to be happy ... one of the men does not even shower much and they live in his mother's basement. See what happens when you limit your relationships to a small organization of people. What a life!!!
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  LanDi

  Very interesting. It's strange because there are far more 'Sisters' than 'Brothers' (some estimates put it at 75%) so the poor lasses are always going to be at a disadvantage. The males are simply laughing !

  There isn't a lot to choose from man wise and the structure socially is always interesting. The weak one often fall away, and those not involved in the truth sufficient ( what is seen as sufficient by all ) are generally considered inadvisable mate material. What ever happened to following your heart. " Well you've got to choose a mate based on his [or her] commitment to Jehovah." ( commitment based upon the thoughts and guidelines placed by the ever loving Faithful and discreet slave ( Gods wife) If you express any doubts over the soicetys guidelines , teachings , beliefs you are automatically viewed as suspicious and treated with caution ( since you are pretty much excluded socially from the outside world by the JW belief system this means you are a little screwed) so you can only falsely be what you are not in heart and this devalues your worth as a potential mate as you become false.

  There are some beautiful ( and not just physically) lasses in the WTS but there isn't really the quality to go round so they all end up with the ridiculous short end of the stick.By denying yourselves ( ie : see a beautiful potential partner in the world and passing up) you cause pychological problems even without realising it. " Only marry in the Lord " denying what God originally intented man and woman coming together through nature chemistry and all. ( Romeo couldn't marry Juliet because she wasn't a Jehovahs Witness and he never recovered emotionally and ended up a wreck of a human being. But he couldn't take poison because it would be a sin. He then had to go through utter hell thinking of the woman he loved more than life itself dying at Armageddon)

  As a previous person stated on this thread you wind up choosing from the " dregs of soicety " Some brothers are wonderful people with a lot of love to give and I have a lot of affection and love for them, but many I wouldn't give the time of day to most.

  One thing I did notice, is that many brothers change and get very haughty and snobby to single brothers when they marry. And I'll leave that to your imagination why. Are these the sort of people you want sniffing round your friends and loved ones? It's emotional and physical cruelty to deny a woman or man love cause they must put Jehovah ( who ? Jehovah "he causes to become " [ didn't exist till 12 century] and Yahweh " He who is" different beings anyone !!!!)first ( more time in congregation activities or on the field ministry will help. But the elders will always look down on a woman struggling with passions.

  I hope your friend finds truth and love I really do. But enlightenment is really something one has to find on ones own. Lots of Love.