They shun you--Do you love them? (page 3)

JerryTX

Ash,

After years of waiting and calling and making an effort to maintain the relationships with JW family members, I gave up and quit. Previous to that I quit contacting them because I got tired of the pain of being rejected. But that didn't work *for me.* Then I started contacting them, got rejected, and decided to quit contacting them because I cared about taking care of me. That worked. Do I miss my mother and brother? Very much.

My brother dropped by my house last week to drop some things I had let him borrow a very long time ago. It was like old times. We bear hugged when we saw each other, we laughed, had some beers, told each other what we had been doing, talked about life, talked about our religion, trips we'd been on. He stayed until 1:30 in the morning.
Neither one of us wanted it to end. I miss him. And he misses me. He's trapped in a cult mindset. I am fortunate that I am not. And even though I may not see him for a very long time, if ever again, I'll miss him until the day I die. You only miss the people that you love.

"People handle their fear of change in different ways, but the fear is inescapable if we are in fact to change."
M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled)

Ranchette

Ashi,

I don't know what it is but your post speak to me tonight.

Okay, this is the way it has been for me,

I was so devastated, regected, and terribly lonely at first when everyone I had ever known including my family started shunning me even though I am not DF or DA.

I refused to let them win!

I have made an effort to make new friends and am finding out that I really didn't have real friends anyway.

IT WAS A FORCED UNITY.
How many of those people would really be your friends now?
Most of them were NUTS (literally).

I am happy to be able to choose my friends now.

It is hard at first but if you put forth the effort you will find true friends!

I think what I am trying to say is that it is very painful until you
pick yourself up of the ground and start LIVING.

Ranchette

zanex

im torn...I feel a deep hatred and loathing for those who messed my head up but those jw's who still are close to me include parents and a sister...it is the only thing in my life I feel any angst for...I'm sure one day that anger will subside...dunno when but...bein df'd wuz the hardest thing I have EVER had to go through...but in the end....#*ck em...

"smeone's alwayz tellin me i'm no good well I dont care what you say"
puddle of mud

Satanus

Do i love em? #$@&* em! Well actually, there are 2 that i miss. One who had become sort of a father to me. I did a lot of construction contracting for him during 14 yrs. A third person i missed a bit, who used to work for me, has basically left it. We had a nice conversation a while ago. But the rest can take a flying fulan gong.

SS

Free2Bme

Good topic.
I've been on the shun list for over 10 years and found it easier 'cause I moved to the other side of the city and avoid accidental meetings.
Remembering how it felt to be the shunner I have to say it's a lot less stressful to be the shunned one. I actually feel sorry for them usually.
In my congregation a certain elder had to counsel me (yes, little me!!) once or twice and was my group study conductor for a while. He recently came into where I work with his wife for some advice and had to be dealt with by yours truly. There was an initial awkward moment and I sensed they wanted to flee right back out of the door but eventually they calmed down and we chatted about family stuff and this and that and it was all very friendly and civil. After they had gone I thought to myself I could easily walk into them in a few minutes outside work and despite our cheery chatter they would be obliged to ignore me. Imagine what my colleagues at work would make of that? Sad and bizarre.
Do I love my old friends? Some but not all. Bit like when I was a witness. I miss my best friend and her hubby and wish I could talk to her and appeal to her intelligence. I miss the old gang I grew up with.
I have to add though that on the odd occasion I have seen an old witness friend they have usually said 'hello' and smiled sadly as they passed. I was harsher than that myself when one of my friends was DF'd and I cut her dead believing I was doing it for Jehovah.

Free

nelly136

Do I miss my old friends....nup, it took me a while to realise they were never really my friends, just on loan while I was in their 'club'

Do I miss my family.....that took a little longer but its been a long time since I've missed them, I look on them as returned hire goods,
they were only on loan as long as I kept up the monthly installments

My dad....we didnt speak from the night my df'ing was announced till the best part of 10 years later after a death in the family, when contact was resumed, I'd love to say it all fell back into place and everything was great but the gap did a lot of damage, we know we're biologically connected but we're more like aquaintances now,maybe as time goes on we'll get close again but I'm not holding my breath, we both moved on, he has his life I have mine and occassionally we remember the other ones around.My kids pulled the short straw as far as grandparents go(my side and exs)...but they manage without.

As for duty calls, yes if any of my jw family need me I'm there, the ones that know where to find me that is.
nelly

Trotafox

Thankfully, I have no family in the Borg. Most of the friends (?) were not very loving to start with. My DA'ng meant my best friend(?) of 26 years no longer speaks to me, however. Do I miss her? Not as she is now. Her mind is so bent. Would I renew our friendship if she left the Borg? Yes. But that's not reality. It's no use feeling like I have to "do" something about getting her out. She won't listen because she is so absolutely controlled by their propaganda. Anything I would say she would take as fulfilled prophecy because that is what the Borg has told her to think. I feel sorry for her. I dislike the Borg intensely and pray for its demise. Angry? You bet but I'm not letting it eat me up like I did in the beginning. I'm very happy to be free of the Borg. I'm getting on with my life and making new friends. ((()))

Trot

"Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love".... Aristotle. You can love and obey Christ without intervention from an organization.

JT

jeerytx says

He's trapped in a cult mindset.

@@@@@@@@@@

ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL POST ON THIS THREAD----
for he clearly understands the problem

if we had a member of our family who had a drinking or drug problem would the question even be asked DO WE STILL LOVE THEM??
of course not instead we would realize that they GOT A PROBLEM NEED HELP

NOW whether they allow us to help them or not our love and concern for them will always be there

if anything we should feel the most pity and sorry for them.

case in point take jerry he will spend the next 20yrs saving for retirement, buying a home, getting an education, etc--his bro will spend the next 20yrs peddling useless mags and books
no retirement, no plans beyond sitting under his fig tree

as i tell my wife THE JOKE IS ON THEM

IT is like watching a dude drive up 95 North from DC

all the while thinking that shortly he will be in Disney world for his vacation

that is what it is like watching jw lead literaly usless lives

they work for a company that has one of the best employee benifit package ever designed for employees

sad part is none of it is true

understanding the emotional and mental impact that a religion like wt has on folks it becomes easy to see why so many of us here could never hate our family for the way they are being controled
how sad

james

Latte

Sherri,

I am at the beginning of that '15 years' I would like to avoid it happening.....life is really too short.

and it was like 15 years of enforced separation had never happened.

That is so sad Sherri {{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}} I'm glad that you have got together again That's wonderful!

I have to say that I def. go from anger, to feeling very sorry for those that are 'in', but just what can you do? My anger prompted me to draught a letter to my friend of 20yrs+ to tell her that I can no longer continue our friendship as I feel that whilst there can be no freeness of speech.........then how can we be friends in the true sense??? Distrust abounds in such a friendship. I don't want such a 'friendship'. (I didn't send it)

I know that I have to be PATIENT.

I have not yet experienced shunning to the degree which it seems some have on this board, I feel for you guy's.......it's not right...to say the least!

Latte

Mulan

About a year ago, I ran right into, literally, a "sister" whose wedding my husband had performed. Now a widow, I thought she might greet me. I gave her a big "Hi, Joanne". She walked around me, and past, like I was invisible. People in the store DID notice too. I just shrugged my shoulders and laughed. It didn't hurt, because she is a bitch.

Yesterday, we ran into her at the store, and I told my husband she was at the next checkout line. We shunned her! Hahahahahaha. That felt good.

She had married the widowed father of one of my good friends, who still talks to me. When he died, the new wife got everything that he had accumulated in his life with my friend's mother, including the bank account, and the house, and lots of land. To me, that is NOT right, and I was very vocal too. (that happened when we were still dubs) She had outlived her first husband, and inherited all he had too. She is sitting pretty, for a BITCH!!!

Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)

They shun you--Do you love them?

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