i stand by my earlier comment, having been reared
in the catholic church during the late 50s, 60's, 70s
i am not an apologist for the RCC, just happen to have
family very ensconsced in its influence and have seen
aspects that are variant from your experiences
my father was excommunicated when he divorced my mother....
very little in the way of community "shunning" occurred ever...
in fact i am hard pressed to recall a single event where he was
deliberately avoided, excluded or ignored by catholics, including
my mother's irish catholic family and his french catholic family
my uncle was married to a non-catholic, he was a regular attendant
at mass and his business, located in the parish, was well used
by parishioners for decades....
marriage to non-catholics is not forbidden in modern times
but dispensation is a requirement; otherwise it is not recognized
as valid in the eyes of the church
unless your SIL was excommunicated by a bishop or the pope,
for a violent crime against a cleric or association with vitandi
her being shunned is an over-stepping of the intention of excommunication
"the prevention of receiving unworthily the eucharist, sparing the excommunicant
the guilt of that grievous sin"
further, if the children were baptized, according to the doctrine of the church
they are as likely to enter heaven as any other catholic, provided they
die in a state of grace..... hence in the eyes of the church, if not its adherents,
the children are acceptable to god
info from the catholic encyclopedia
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05678a.htm
Effects of excommunication
If we consider only its nature, excommunication has no degrees: it simply deprives clerics and laymen of all their rights in Christiansociety, which total effect takes on a visible shape in details proportionate in number to the rights or advantages of which the excommunicated cleric or layman has been deprived. The effects of excommunication must, however, be considered in relation also to the rest of the faithful. From this point of view arise certain differences according to the various classes of excommunicated persons. These differences were not introduced out of regard for the excommunicated, rather for the sake of the faithful. The latter would suffer serious inconveniences if the nullity of all acts performed by excommunicated clerics were rigidly maintained. They would also be exposed to grievous perplexities of conscience if they were strictly obliged to avoid all intercourse, even profane, with the excommunicated. Hence the practical rule for interpreting the effects of excommunication: severity as regards the excommunicated, but mildness for the faithful.
We may now proceed to enumerate the immediate effects of excommunication. They are summed up in the two well known verses:
Res sacræ, ritus, communio, crypta, potestas,
prædia sacra, forum, civiliajuravetantur,
i.e. loss of the sacraments, public services and prayers of the Church, ecclesiastical burial, jurisdiction, benefices, canonicalrights, and social intercourse.
Civilia jura
Civilia jura, i.e. the ordinary relations between members of the same society, outside of sacred and judicial matters. This privation, affecting particularly the personexcommunicated, is no longer imposed on the faithful except in regard to the vitandi
Vitandi and Tolerati
Public excommunication in foroexterno has two degrees according as it has or has not been formally published, or, in other words, according as excommunicated persons are to be shunned (vitandi) or tolerated (tolerati). A formally published or nominativeexcommunication occurs when the sentence has been brought to the knowledge of the public by a notification from the judge, indicating by name the person thus punished. No special method is required for this publication; according to the Council of Constance (1414-18), it suffices that "the sentence have been published or made known by the judge in a special and express manner". Persons thus excommunicated are to be shunned (vitandi), i.e. the faithful must have no intercourse with them either in regard to sacred things or (to a certain extent)profane matters, as we shall see farther on.
All other excommunicated persons, even though known, are tolerati, i.e. the law no longer obliges the faithful to abstain from intercourse with them, even in religious matters. This distinction dates from the aforesaidConstitution "Ad evitandascandala", published by Martin V at the Council of Constance in 1418; until then one had to avoid communion with all the excommunicated, once they were known as such.
"To avoid scandal and numerous dangers", says Martin V, "and to relieve timorousconsciences, we hereby mercifully grant to all the faithful that henceforth no one need refrain from communicating with another in the reception or administration of the sacraments, or in other matters Divine or profane, under pretext of any ecclesiasticalsentence or censure, whether promulgated in general form by law or by a judge, nor avoid anyone whomsoever, nor observe an ecclesiastical interdict, except when this sentence or censure shall have been published or made known by the judge in special and express form, against some certain, specified person, college, university, church, community, or place."
But while notoriouslyexcommunicated persons are no longer vitandi, the popemakes an exception of those who have "incurred the penalty of excommunication by reason of sacrilegiousviolence against a cleric, and so notoriously that the fact can in no way be dissimulated or excused". He declares, moreover, that he has not made this concession in favour of the excommunicated, whose condition remains unchanged, but solely for the benefit of the faithful. Hence, in virtue of ecclesiastical law, the latter need no longer deprive themselves of intercourse with those of the excommunicated who are "tolerated".
As to the vitandi, now reduced to the two aforementionedcategories, they must be shunned by the faithful as formerly. It is to be noted now that the minorexcommunication incurred formerly by these forbidden relations has been suppressed; also, that of the major excommunications inflicted on certaindefiniteacts of communion with the vitandi, only two are retained in the Constitution"Apostolicæ Sedis" (II, 16, 17): that inflicted on any of the faithful for participation in a crime that has meritednominativeexcommunication by the pope, and that pronounced against clerics alone for spontaneous and consciouscommunionin sacris with persons whom the pope has excommunicated by name. Moreover, those whom bishopsexcommunicate by name are as much vitandi as are those similarly excommunicated by the pope.
Are non-Catholic marriages valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church? What if a Catholic marries a non-Catholic? http://www.newadvent.org/library/almanac_thisrock94.htm
In general, marriages between non-Catholics, of whatever religion, are considered valid, but the situation is not as simple as it sounds because there are two kinds of marriage: natural (ordinary) marriage and supernatural (sacramental) marriage. Supernatural marriages exist only between baptized people, so marriages between two Jews or two Muslims are only natural marriages. Assuming no impediments, marriages between Jews or Muslims would be valid natural marriages. Marriages between two Protestants or two Eastern Orthodox also would be valid, presuming no impediments, but these would be supernatural (sacramental) marriages and thus indissoluble.
When one spouse is a Catholic and the other is a non-Catholic--this is commonly termed a "mixed marriage"--the situation changes. Just as the state has the power to regulate marriages of its citizens by requiring them to get a blood test or to marry in front of a competent authority, so the Church has the right to regulate the marriages of its "citizens."
If one participant is a Catholic who has not left the Church by a formal act, such as by officially joining another church, he must obtain a dispensation for the marriage, which would otherwise be blocked by the mixed-marriage impediment or by the disparity of cult impediment. A Catholic who has not left the Church by a formal act also must obtain a dispensation to be married in front of a non-Catholic minister. If either of these dispensations is not obtained, the marriage will be invalid.
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