Being Shunned

sadfox

I really need some help. I knew this day was coming but I thought somehow there might be a loophole.

I had my "last supper" with my daughter on Monday. I am disfellowshipped, her father and I are divorced, he is a witness, she lives with him and will be 18 on Sunday the 5th. Therefore as a baptized witness, she can no longer visit me and must keep communication to the bare minimum. She is very strong in the organization and although I know it hurts her cause she loves me, our goodbye was so emotionless. My other daughter also lives with her dad but is not baptized yet and is just turning 16 this month. Being divorced 18 is the magic number, I have rights until they are 18.

I have friends that are trying to help me through this but they are not familiar with the Witnesses and it is hard for them to fathom that anyone would believe that God would be so mean as to expect them to cut off their mother.

Any helpful advice on how to get through this??

Thanks

sacolton

Your situation is almost identical in the movie "Worlds Apart" about a JW discovering her religion is a lie.

We are here for you. Keep the lines of communication open for your daughter and let her know you love her. She might not be able to visit you, but you are not bound to their laws.

sadfox

I have been very careful not to even discuss religion much less to try to reason with them. I don't want to burn any bridges. I want them to come to me if they ever need to leave. I grew up as a witness, stayed one until I was 38. I have learned so much about what I was taught and how much of it was lies and cover-ups. It is scary to think they are heading down the same road.

no more kool aid

Sadfox, I am so so sorry. I will be going through this shortly with my family, but at least my immediate family (husband and kids) all left together. I can't even imagine being seperated from a child. Remember she is only 18 and there will be many issues coming up in her life that will probably lead her back to you. Continue to be that loving stable person she can come back to. My heart goes out to you.

zagor

Sorry to hear that Sad Fox. Being shut out by those closest can stab deeply. When you open up your soul to someone like in your case your daughter and get dagger instead that has a tendency to shatter your trust in human nature. At least that is my experience. People can do strange things sometimes, things you can’t explain. Funny thing is they only tend to see your reaction in the end and not what it started it all. I hope you do find peace in the fact that one day she will turn around and wonder about you with puzzlement and possibly even longing after all blood is thicker than water despite all the crap they’ve been fed with day after day.
If I were you I would not run after her, you show your love once but if it is unreturned you keep your dignity. It is those who hurt you that need to get a grip on reality not other way around. Peace to you!

Awakened at Gilead

I am being shuned by some relatives (see my recent threads), so I know its not easy.

I suggest you make exJW friends either in your area (via Meetup) or by reaching out to people on this site. You can have great phone/email relationships with people who know exactly what you are going through and you can pour your heart out. I know that fro me this board and the friends that I have made through it have been invaluable and a lifesaver as I left the clutches of the org 6 months ago.

All the best,

Lance

yknot

I am sorry

There is more to life then religious conversations....

Is she planning on attending any school after HS?

How are here grades?

Is she sweet on anyone?

Is she planning on applying to Bethel?

Shopping is always a great topic..

Then again maybe it wouldn't hurt for you to listen to her 'religious' opinions..... you never know when she might decide to question something.

Time has a way of changing perspectives..... esp when it comes to what we think at 18 versus 25.

Quandry

As a mother I can only imagine how hurtful this is for you.

I do remember reading one poster's story about getting reinstated only to get her daughter out. It took a couple of years, but she accomplished it. Don't know if you consider this an option.

You mentioned on another post that you are from the mid-west. Those darn staunch midwesterners. Stick to their guns, don't they? (I was born in Missouri)

If it was me, I would send a card saying that the bond between a mother and her child should never be broken. You will love her with all your heart and would die for her at any time. You will always be there for her, and love her unconditionally. In the Bible it says "Love never fails." It also says "Honor your father and your mother."

I will think of you, and I hope that we can help you through this.

moshe

Sadfox, I am so sorry this happened. it could have been my story, except my kids avoided the KH after about age 14 and their Mom was working a lot of hours so she didn't fight them. I am sure she expected that after the divorce she would win and the kids would eventually shun their Dad. -even if your daughter gives up JW's down the road it will be hard for her to admit she had wronged you and to apologize. The WT rules are evil and the public needs to know the facts- why not write a letter to the local newspaper and tell them what happened to you?

IronClaw

SadFox, My heart goes out to you. I have my 2 daughters still living with me. I cant even imagine how I would react if they shunned me. We here on the board feel your pain. Many , many are in your same shoes. Please remember that this is the WT rule, not yours. Hopefully someday they will see the WT for what it really is and come back to you. Never give up hope.

The Claw.

Being Shunned

Share this