Pro's and Con's of DAing myself.

lancelink

I have been wrestling with the idea of DA'ing myself for close to a year now.

But there is a small area in my subconscious that whispers "this is not a good idea.'

I haven't been to a meeting in over six months, no service in seven years. But I feel that in order to be honest with myself
and others I should make a clean break,write a letter,send it to the PO and be done with it.

Another part tells me that by doing this, I will cause alot of grief for the small amount of people (1) in my entire family who even have
a thought of going to the KH. This person is my Dad, he is alone and lives across the country. he basically has a very thin relationship
with the witnesses. I think because they help him out occasionally with driving, lawn mowing, etc. He goes several times a month to the KH.
If I DA, what could it do to him if later he has to move to my area? my parents were pretty involved in the witnesses years ago. Yet now, most of their friends have died, or moved away, only some of the children are grown up and still attend their old hall.There are also several friends(?) that I have who have not spoken to me in over a year.
So,, in conclusion do I do what I need to do and live with any flak later on, or should I remain invisible and just stay inactive?

I have written a very short, direct letter that is slowly burning a hole in my hard drive and soul.

Staying inactive is starting to seem more dishonest to me every day, I feel that I'm trapped in a very deep hole and I have several ways out,
yet I don't know what to do.!?

Tired of the Hypocrisy

I empathize with you, Lance. This is going to be one of those decisions that will weigh on you until you make it. Then you will feel the weight of it until some time later. I am ready to break things off completely too. But my wife is devout if not regular. And her family is RABID into the watchtower. I wouldn't write it. But I am not as strong as some are here. I could not stand to hurt my darling wife. So I suffer in silence and play the part and fire off a barb or two when I feel I can. You need to really consider all the pros and cons and then do what you feel is best for you in your heart. I wish you the best with this task!

megawatt

These days, IMO, I would just remain inactive and fade away. No need to give them the satisfaction of announcing your stance to the congregation. You don't have to give them anything, and to me, that's the power I have over them. They live in fear and they can't figure out why I won't submit to their authority. Mentally, I DA'ed myself over a year ago. Been on autopilot for almost 5 years prior and haven't been out in field service for almost 8 years. It's great to run into someone who a jw and carry a conversation and seeing the hesitation in their faces realizing I'm not Df'ed or DA'ed, but not attending the meetings, and at the same time not sure whether or not it's ok to talk to me. Let go any kind of feeling of being dishonest and live your life. Why let it consume you and play by their rules. You left already and yeah, most here, including myself felt the need to be vocal and show our true colors. But for the sake of my wife, who now does not attend and has even gone as far discrediting this organization for the lies it has publicized in the past and the lack of brotherly love. Had I wrote that DA letter when I wanted to, I'm sure it would affected my wife in a way where she would've been forced to make a decision that most likely wouldn't end in my favor, since she was till attending when I came out. Good luck...

drwtsn32

I don't see the point of DA'ing yourself. I really don't. It's an acknowledgment on your part that their rules still have some sort of validity in your life. They have no authority over you; their rules are meaningless!

SnakesInTheTower

lancelink....

you have to do what you feel is best for you ultimately..however, I agree with drwtsn32....read on...

drwtsn32:

It's an acknowledgment on your part that their rules still have some sort of validity in your life. They have no authority over you; their rules are meaningless!

exactly. If no one locally is hounding you, then why even bother?

I thought about it too...it would cause hurt feelings to some (other than my JW mom).... I am personally torn between letting my JW friends (the few who still bother with me) thinking that there is a "chance" I would change my mind or DAing and dashing their hopes....

ah...helll....let em have their fantasy world of paradise and me being there in it with them... its their Matrix life..not mine.

Snakes ()

Farkel

: I have written a very short, direct letter that is slowly burning a hole in my hard drive and soul.

Burn it. The only reason you would want to DA is only to satisfy your ego, and that is it. The elders don't give a rat. Let go of your ego and don't play into their game.

More importantly, by writing a DA letter, you not only do not make a difference in the lives of the brain-dead robotic elders, you acknowledge the authority of the Watchtower Regime which encourages people like you to go through that "legal" process. This is a RELIGION that you joined voluntarily! It is NOT the Nazi party! (Well, maybe it is.)

Fuck them. Don't play by their rules anymore. Take their power over you away from them and take it back to yourself. Don't even hint at acknowledging their authority. Walk away like a decent human and never look back. You own them nothing, and they will never be able to pay back the debt they own you for their lies and mischief no matter what they do.

Leave them and don't give them any more reason to hurt you anymore.

Farkel

sass_my_frass

I think that you should sit on it for a while, and try to forget about it in the meantime. You see, in time you won't feel any guilt about it at all, you'll just be living. When that happens, if you've made that move there's no going back on it. This thing will become completely insignificant to you, but you'll still have to deal with the consequences of awkward new relationships.

Just go and live for a while and see how things go.

Farkel

lancelink,

As an aside: are you related to that secret agent LanceLink who also happens to be a chimp?

If so, you are my hero. No, HE is my hero! You are just a poser!

Farkel

AK - Jeff

I felt similar. I ended up being forced into the choice by an aggressive JC that invited me to a sit down, which I refused.

It will be simpler not to DA for your dad's sake. It will feel complete if you DA for your sake. Not an easy choice. The above advice and opinions should be weighed and considered. But ultimately, you must live with the decision.

Just one question: Is it likely that your dad will ever become aware of the matter if you don't tell him? If not - then weigh the risk/reward from that perspective.

Best wishes to you as you struggle with this matter - I understand and empathize.

Jeff

passwordprotected

The almost overwhelming advice I received when I mentioned on here that I was going to DA myself was "don't!"

This caused me to pause. And now, well, now I've been getting phone calls and an email or two from some of the local bros, asking how I am, one even asked me why I stopped coming to the meetings. This has enabled me to chat with them, let them see we haven't turned into demons and to talk about how happy we now are.

Would they haven gotten in touch if I'd DAd myself? Unlikely.

Thanks to those who argued against me doing it. Hopefully I can help some of the local bros to find 'the truth'.

Pro's and Con's of DAing myself.

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