Pro's and Con's of DAing myself. (page 3)

PrimateDave

I DA'd myself verbally. I told the PO himself that I didn't want to be a Witness anymore. I did write short emails to my family because they live far away.

I had made my decision to stop attending meetings and participating in service rather abruptly, so I was getting calls from the elders and members of the congregation. My family has always stayed in close contact with me. They would always ask about the congregation and other Witness matters. I didn't want to lie to them and pretend I was still active. Fading wasn't an option for me.

Every one has different circumstances, so what worked for me wouldn't necessarily be the best course of action for another person. I haven't heard anything from the local congregation for two years, and that's fine with me.

Despite DAing myself, my family has still kept in touch, most likely because I refused to argue doctrine with them from the start. So, there are no hard feelings despite somewhat strained relations.

Dave

gymbob

I DA'd myself years ago, and it was exactly what I felt was best for me. The title of this post is, "Pro's and Con's of DAing", and there are certainly many of both.

Since joining this board, I've learned alot, and if given the chance to do it all over again, I would probably do it differently....at least better. Maybe have a better chance to help some people I love start to think, or, take some a**hole elders down....whatever. But that's just life. Shoulda, woulda, coulda....

One thing I have learned since leaving the Borg is, if you don't like where you are at in life then change it. Don't blame the society, or some body of elders, Satan, etc., take the blame yourself. And when things go good in your life, be humble, but take the credit. It was your decisions that got you there. Gymbob

sacolton

I sent my disassociation letter with all the quotes from their very own publications implicating themselves as a false prophet. I quoted scriptures to back it up. There was nothing more to say.

TopHat

Wait, the longer you wait the less and less important DAing becomes to you. You will realize the WTS is not worth your effort to write a letter of DA.

caliber

If there is a need for some therapeutic statement do this in your own mind.. retain all the advantage but

none of the disadvantage loss of family and Friends and your ability to influence them in the future !

For those who feel this a cowardly state, think of all the underground and double agents in the

world who see the greater good , their ultimate goal as greater than some momentary self vindication !

Like in the movie where Clint saids "go ahead make my day " . ( there may be a days satisfaction but

what about the rest of the days ? ) In the long term let justice prevail... instant potatoes solutions

brings more grief than it is worth." Going down in a blaze of glory" is not what its cracked up to be !

Retaining'"outward power " is greater than"inner satisfaction " to maintain ongoing influence on others !

Caliber

DanTheMan

I DA'd in 2002, largely for the symbolism of it, both for myself and my former JW acquaintances. Nobody in my immediate or extended family was/is JW, so my losses were few, and I was so disgusted with the borg that I felt like I had to formally sever my ties with it. I also didn't want to be hounded by the elders to come back or with moronic trap questions about whether or not I still believed in this or that. I'm not a very patient person and I'd probably have to fight with all of my might to resist telling them to go fugg themselves, so DA'ing was a pre-emptive "fugg off and leave me the hell alone" to the elders.

Of course now, as has already been mentioned, the announcement they make is the same whether you DA or are DF'd, so the symbolism of the act is greatly reduced. In fact, I'd say an extended period of inactivity probably has more symbolic value now than DA'ing does, at least to the dubs. Because then they never really know, "is he an apostate? What's the deal with him?" All they know is that you are no longer there and apparently don't miss it. I think this is why they have been making such an effort to chase down the inactives in recent years and force them into a DA or DF situation, so that they can make an announcement that will tarnish your name and put it in the minds of most that you must have committed some grave sin or another, like smoking cigarettes or joining the YMCA.

Damocles

lancelink,

Pros: Clean break and decisive action. A sense that you are in control of your life, not someone else.

Cons: potential loss of family and friends.

I don't like using their language - particularly when it involves really horrendous words like 'disassociate' or 'disfellowship'. Its just bad english. I didn't do either thing.

I quit. And it was the best decision that I had made in a long, long time. It was truly cleansing and liberating - even though it had some rather nasty side effects. My daughter does not talk with me and that hurts. I lost some very dear friends. But for me, a definitive break was necessary.

I did not give into the urge to lay out a litany of complaints or point out all the inconsistencies. Nor did I give into the temptation to use their language and constructs. I just wrote a simple letter and gave it to one of the head honchos.

To whom it may concern,

I no longer consider myself one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Name, date

What they chose to do with that information was their problem not mine.

Now, I'm certainly not suggesting you do something similar. Advice is a very dangerous thing, highly explosive. But, in my case, offically quiting was just the ticket and my only regret is not doing it many years earlier. The Pros way, way outweighed the Cons.

Best Regards

Damocles

BTW, I did not choose to stop being friends (i.e. not associating) with those I cared for who are JWs nor did I choose to stop having a good relationship with my daughter, they chose those things. I just chose to not be a JW. By using terms and concepts like DA or DF, you do their work for them. You allow them to place on your head their despicable actions. This advice I will give, don't let them get away with it. Make them own up to their own bad behavior.

gymbob

Well said Democles!

Welcome to the board!

BluesBrother

I know that some of us feel the need to make a stand and a break, but i do not. Why play into their hands? I have been inactive for ten years now. I still attend if my wife is fit enough to go. I go only to help her out and give support. So if I could not associate it would be bad news.

I do not feel at all guilty or hypocritical. I sit without commenting or even singing along. The Elders are cordial but ignore me as a person.

If ever they come after me for Judicial action I would fight it and appeal, give them a run for their money and tie up their time !

DisconnectingDrone

woah, this line hit me like a ton of bricks:
being chased by 2 vehicles, nearly causing an accident when they boxed her into a construction zone. Turns out it was elders following my truck thinking I was driving. They aborted the chase when the saw the driver was my spouse.
When I was DF'd I experienced car chases from a particular elder who was on the JC, chasing me at speeds over 100mph and cutting me up on other occasions (once he did this on the way to the KH!), etc. I thought it was a one-off incident but am now wondering if this is something deeper.
I am now back-in as I could not handle being DF'd and not talking to my family-I had overwhelming suicidal thoughts that I wanted to stop so decided to come back. Now back in, but just going through the motions.
To this day I have not told anyone about his behaviour as I honestly don't expect to be believed, a publisher doing next to nothing or a elder who is the congregation secretary?

Pro's and Con's of DAing myself.

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