by minimus 26 Replies latest jw friends
The older I get, the more I see that most "friends" are not "real friends". I can count on 1 hand who I consider friends. I have many enjoyable aquaintances that I socialize with but I doubt they'd really be "there" for you. I used to tell my teenaged daughter that having a lot of friends doesn't mean they'll all be loyal. And be happy if you have even have just a couple of "real friends" in your lifetime.
Do you agree that real lasting loyal friends are a rarity?
They are rare but they do exist.
W
I think counting on one hand the 'real' friends is about the norm. I have 5 friends that i consider 'best' friends, loyal, always be there, i can say anything to, etc. And i count myself very blessed to have this many! The older i get, the more they mean to me. Much more than material things, accomplishments, prestige ,etc. There is nothing like a real friend!! I always remind my daughters of the importance of female friendship, when they are obsessed with boyfriends! LOL.
"All" of "my" friends "are" imaginary. "Why" do "you" ask "?"
I can't speak for anyone else but it's kinda rare for me.
Even when I was an active JW, I knew that most of the "friends" weren't real or close. There were a few that I got along with better than most anyone else, but there was hardly anyone that I would confide in my secrets, fears or dreams.
Even the people I considered "best friends" were not that close. We may have spent hours and hours together and shared tons of experiences together, but there was always some barrier between us. I can't explain it. Sometimes I think it was the JW religion and the fear and guilt that came with being a JW. We had to hide our alter ego from those that we knew from the hall and we hid our JW life from people we knew from school or elsewhere.
Now that I'm out, I still find it hard to make close friends. I've made friends with a couple of guys with similar interests and I can tell that they're trying hard to include me in their circle of friends. But I've been a loner for so long, I've gotten used to my own company and it's hard for me to allow people to show too much friendship to me. They'll expect the same in return and I'm not sure I can return it in kind as well as I received it.
It was when I experienced pure unconditional friendship from a worldly person who saw me at my worst and still accepted me for who I was, that it hit me between the eyes that I had never had this before in my life.
I have another friend who will always be there for me. She doesn't always agree with me and I don't always appreciate her, but in the big picture as time goes on I realize how loyal she is and what a real friend she is to me.
It's our differences that drive the point home how real of a friend she is.
Minimus, I always tell my kids the same thing. You may be popular or think you have a lot of friends but you can usually count your real friends on one hand. I really hate it when people at the KH are referred to as "the friends". Some are quite the opposite of friends. Another poster said there was always a barrier between witness friends, I think it is because baring your soul to them may result in being reported to the elders or be viewed as not totally theocratic.
I found that all my old JW freinds, where purely conditional freinds. They where only freinds by association.
They constantly just tried to make me feel bad before i even questioned anything.
http://flawsmakediamondsshine.blogspot.com/
Besides my own brother I have been blessed with three guys that I can count on for absolutely anything. One I have known since I was in fourth grade back in 1972, and the others I know about 15 years here in California. Tough times and ugly weather never even slowed any of us down when the others needed help. Like mentioned above, they are rare but they do exist. We are lucky if we have ONE!
A man told me this once. It was almost in passing but what he said was:
You will probably make lots of acquaintances during the course of your life, but of those you will probably only have two or three that will actually be friends.
I think it's probably too late for me. I am 38 years old and I haven't met the first one yet.
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