What's Your View of "Friends"? Are They "Real"???

by minimus 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  ... they hem and haw and tell you they're busy and can't help you. That's no friend!

  In your scenario, they are no friend. I said I would be able to help you and keep
  you company. Min, I never met you and my wife is still an active JW, so I cannot
  put you up in my home. I did not say "I'm busy and can't help you."

  We are dividing semantics here. There is a line that separates what some friends
  are able to do for you. Some are able to do more than others. Also, you show up
  at the airport at 3 AM without a hotel reservation and without telling me you were
  coming- I might return the respect you showed me by saying I can't help. But you
  arrive and hop into your rental car to go to your hotel and you get lost, then you call me
  because I live in the area- well, I will do my best to help you out, knowing you were well-
  intentioned but got stranded. I will do what I can, including coming to you and helping
  you find your way. Don't define me as "no friend" because you asked too much of me.

  A petite frail elderly woman ain't going to hop in her car and meet you in a rough
  neighborhood because you are lost at 3 AM. A father of 4 ain't going to loan you $300
  because you lost your rent money at the track. Every friend has his limits. But a real
  friend will do what they can. Maybe the elderly woman will look up your location on
  Mapquest. Maybe the father of 4 will steer you to Gamblers Anonymous.

  "Stranded" means different things to different people, and some friends are able to do
  more than others. If your car is broke down, why didn't you call the friend who is close
  by to pick you up? Why didn't you call the rental car agency who knows how to help
  you instead of me, who knows little about cars? If you are in jail for beating your wife,
  why would you expect a friend to use his mortgage money to bail you out? Why not
  call a bondman instead? Your friend might not want to take sides between you and your
  wife, and you don't want him to lose his home. You might need to stay with him when
  your wife changes the locks.

  My point- there are levels of friendship. There are people who take advantage of friends.
  There are things beyond a friend's ability and sometimes tough love means not helping.

  I tried to keep the tone light enough for your questions, but you get on my nerves.
  Friends do that.
• 

  caliber

  Do you know what I found amazing about this thread ? Mostly it's man talking about friends

  I expected that it would 90 % women.. but don't get me wrong I think it's great to see guys too

  realizing the need and importance of "true unconditional friendship "! We are all deep down

  social creatures .. a very human need... the very macho totally self made man is a undesirable

  myth !

  Caliber
• 

  stillajwexelder

  Mohammed Ali once said "a true friend will die for you - the vast majority of so called friends are really just acquaintances"
• 

  heyfea

  A long time ago, I thought I had friends, in the borg. But I know now that I never had friends.The few girl friends I believed I had, had their own agenda which did not include me. Once I wanted to pioneer and asked a "friend" from my book study if she'd be my partner. She declined because there was an elder's sister (regular pioneer) who had just re-located from another city and also needed a partner, so my friend chose to be the elder's sister' partner instead. Needless to say, I did not pioneer at all.

  Another "friend" had parents who were always on the defensive side, guarding her daughter. Whenever there was a get together and there were single brothers around, her mother always made sure to keep a look on me; watching that I didn't speak too much with these brothers. She'd walk up and join in MY conversations with these brothers, and she'd draw the brother's attention to her daughter instead. One day, my friend got married and that was the end. I never set a foot on my friend's home. We only saw each other in the KH. No gatherings what-so-ever.

  Then, there was another friend, from Puerto Rico. I met her at work, when I was single. She was very friendly, but since her husband was an elder and they had no children, he and she were always very busy. After I got married, I invited them for lunch. I told them to come after the meeting and after fs. I had slaved in the kitchen all morning to make sure everything was perfect for them. Well, they were taking so long that I finally called to see what was keeeping them. She answered the phone and told me, oh, no, we cannot come. No explanation at all. Just like that.

  Time went by, my husband and I had a child. We went on vacation to Puerto Rico. At that time, my friend was living there (same one who did not come to my invitation). I had called her to tell her I was in San Juan, and that I wanted to come by her town to say hello. She said yes, please come. Well, we drove to her town. It was very far from San Juan. We got there at night, around 9 or 10 pm. We were hungry, especially my son who was four years old. Can you believe that she had not one plate of food ready for us? What's worse, is that in the solitary town she lived, there were no stores to buy any food either. My husband got so pissed at me because he thought I had not let my friend know that we were going there. I told him I did. Since then, he said never again we should count on so called "friends". (And just in case you're wandering, we did have a hotel room in San Juan paid for. We were only trying to stop by to say hello and leave the next morning).

  We've experienced many similar situations with the dubs. With worldly people, we do a little bit better. But still, it is rare to find people who are unconditionally friendly.

  My blood sister is the only friend I've got.
• 

  minimus

  Once you leave the religion, you recognize how many friends you really have.
• 

  caliber

  Even from the biblical Christan view we have two needs or directives Matt. 22...... love of God

  love of neighbor. Yet at the Kingdom Hall this supposed love of God is taken to such high extreme

  so as to invalidate any natural free flow of thought and actions. Mechanical actions can NEVER

  produce real friends ! True loyalty to God is seen as "what we must do " not what we feel

  is the right thing to do for the love and trust as a true friend to continue;to allow time and space

  for a Friend to arrive at conclusion in their own good time through their free will and desire.

  Guilt and fear unnaturally supersede the greatest emotion that of love !

  So intense becomes the focus on that one solitary tree (the kingdom ) that we fail to appreciate the shade, the comfort, the protection and sheer beauty provided amid a virtual forest of trees !........

  for this what my true friends mean to me !

  Caliber
• 

  jaguarbass

  Do you agree that real lasting loyal friends are a rarity?

  Yes the older I get the more I see that. Its sad to be jaded and cynical but that's what I see.

  And I think having been raised a witness and in the tower till I was 31 really drove the message home.

  Most love I have ever had has been conditional.

  But I will say to have a friend you have to be a friend and once I saw the lay of the land I would never be a friend.

  I said a long time ago, if its to be its up to me. I joined AAA and learned how to fix things myself.

  What did I ever need friends for. If I want to bullshxt I can come to a place like this.

  If I want to play music, I can join a band.

  If I want to play softball, I can go to the rec and join a softball team.

  If I want to ride my Harley with someone I can go to the Harley dealer on Friday or Saturday night or Sunday morning and ride with 1 or 100.

  The illusion, delussion of friends were important when I was young in the world, then reality strikes.

  Good Samaratins are appreciated.