What's Your View of "Friends"? Are They "Real"??? (page 2)

DoomVoyager

I think it is because baring your soul to them may result in being reported to the elders or be viewed as not totally theocratic.

Definitely. In the hyper-paranoid cultic atmosphere exuded by witlesses, anybody could be an "informant". Secrets can never be told. You have no idea who is going to relay that to the PO (psst... thought you might like to know what Brother Thinker said to me... you know, just something you might want to keep in mind...), who will relay that to the CO, and meantime the POs wife will get ahold of it and once that happens, you're up shit creek without a paddle!

LongHairGal

If you are referring to friends in general I would have to say they can sometimes be real. If you are referring to friends in the religion I would have to say these friends are conditional. Sad but true.

Friends can be over-rated. A lot of people hang around with people who aren't good for them just so that they won't be alone. They don't realize that they may be better off alone. The expression: 'with friends like these you don't need enemies' is very true. Friends and associates should be chosen with care unless you want your life to be complicated by dysfunctional people.

But, just because friends are real or good that doesn't mean they will be lasting. Unfortunately, because we live in a society where people move away, get divorced, etc. you could be separated from somebody who you really connect with.

I have accepted that friends will come in and out of my life.

LHG

minimus

I think most "friends" are conditional. Very few persons would really give their life for you. Very few truly care about anyone other than themselves. JWs are no different. When push comes to shove, it's always about themselves.

LouBelle

True friends that accept you for who you are with no judgement are rare to find. I am fortunate to have a few and I dearly treasure them.

minimus

If a friend is there for you in a time of need, they're the real thing.

OnTheWayOut

I was going to say that FRIENDS was just a tv show, not real

But seriously folks, I had many acquiantances in the JW's. I served
shoulder-to-shoulder with the other elders. We were never truly friends.
I did have a good friendship or two within the JW's, though. I still have
a dear friend that I had always considered my best friend. Even now,
after my fading away, he considers himself a good friend and contacts
me and wants to help me (but in his own warped JW way). He doesn't
want to shun me or even limit association because of my "change."

He is a true friend, but it cannot last. A mind-control cult is going to
continue warping his thinking until he breaks from me. I hope I am wrong
about that. Maybe his mind will win and not their guilt-trip controls.

But, I have acquired new friends. I am confident that some from JWD would
be there for me. JK666 and AK-Jeff are among my closest friends from
JWD. Isaacaustin and Flipper are also there for me, although they are separated
by distance. "There for me" is a subjective term, though. Some people
expect a friend to loan them money or take vacations with them or drop everything
on a Saturday night to help their friend paint his garage. If you expect the
same things from each of your friends, you may be disappointed. My friends
will be there for me if my wife is in the hospital, or if I am stranded or something
like that. Most of them are able to take my call at 3 AM if I am in trouble, some
are not able to do that. Me being their friend means that I know what they are
able to help me with- same for them knowing what I can do.

Friends pick you up at the airport, but a true friend wouldn't ask you to skip work
to pick them up. Close friends put you up in their home, but the true friend doesn't
take advantage of that. Minimus, I would pick you up at the airport, take your call
at 3 AM, help you if you are stranded in my area. But I won't be able to let you
stay in my home when you visit Chicago, and I cannot loan you money. That might
define how close a "friend" I could be to you, but IMO it doesn't make me not "real"
in my friendship.

minimus

OTWO, forget it then! If I can't stay over your house if I'm stranded at 3 in the morning, than it's over between us!

OnTheWayOut

I may not be able to put you up in my home at 3 AM when you are stranded,
but I will help you get unstranded and even keep you company from 3 AM
onward until you get unstranded. If that ain't enough, then it really is over.

halcyon

OTWO, I love how you put that! My "true" friend sometimes thinks that all friend do everything for each other, but I've had to put limits on that to avoid feeling taken advantage of. Between us, I am not the friend who drops everything to give her companionship whenever she asks, nor do I drop everything to avoid her some inconvenience. I don't drop everything to paint her house for free just so she saves some money. I kinda make her tough some things out ... if I didn't, she'd never learn how strong she is. She STILL appreciates me as a true friend, though, because I support her through both good and bad decisions. I will tell her what I think, I will give her advice, but if she doesn't follow it I will not judge her. She turns to me for wisdom and to help her see the other sides of things she's too emotionally involved in to see. And in return, she does the same for me.

I *will* drop everything to get her to the airport when her car suddenly breaks down. I *will* donate my material possessions to her in times of need. I *will* share my time with her when she's feeling low. I guess with this particular friend, part of the real friendship is helping her to see that she doesn't need to turn to other people for support all the time. She's learning a lot about herself, and growing and maturing. :D

minimus

Really, what you're talking about is what it's all about. Imagine calling your "friend" , telling him or her that you're stranded, they hem and haw and tell you they're busy and can't help you. That's no friend!

What's Your View of "Friends"? Are They "Real"???

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