The many stories like yours are one of the reasons my husband and I left. We did not want this kind of turmoil for our children. I looked like a model witness at you age but was actually going through the exact same dilemmas. The problem is, you don't have enough life experience to know that what you are going through is totally normal. It's a normal stage of development to pull away from your parents and form your own relationships and values. To make you feel guilty and not support you through this entrance of adulthood is criminal. However, you are probably not going to change them. So I agree with the above advice. Do not admit anything to the elders and play along with your parents as much as you can. Look in to going to school so that you can eventually get a decent job and start your own life. Don't let your parents and other JW's make you think there is something wrong with you, look at the member directory here, so many people questioning life long beliefs, they might be people right in your congregation that look like they have it all figured out (like your brother). My thoughts are with you.
Got some troubles....
by thebiggestlie 20 Replies latest jw friends
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nelly136
i don't think anything can prepare you for the amount of emotional blackmail that comes when you 'break the news' i'm guessing thats just the warm up.
if you or your girlfriend have any non jw friends it may be an idea to tout around and see if any of them have a room or sofa available and transport to pick up your stuff........just in case you find yourself homeless at short notice.
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happy1975
Hi TBL -
I'm also a lurker - something about your post made me want to come out of hiding : )
The problem is your parents have more loyalty to the WTBS than they do to you. That's the bottom line.
My advice? Don't admit to anything in that meeting. Lie if you have to. Say you're depressed, whatever. You need more time to sort out how you're going to get out for good. With all of your family ties it seems like a fade would be the best course of action for you. Meantime, lay low!!
Best of luck,
Happy
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DoomVoyager
JW's are famous for their "guilt trips". Personally, I fired the Travel Agent on those over 30 years ago. You are hardly in that position, yet.
lol, I'm gonna have to remember that one.
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ex-nj-jw
Wow, I was just thinking about you the other day wondering how things were going for you. It's been a long time since you've posted.
I'm sorry that the shite is hitting the fan for you in this way. I don't think we really have any control over how things in this religion happen. Either you play the game or you leave for your own sanity. You have to choose what's more important to you. Your sanity and a happy life or playing the game, and being two faced.
For me I couldn't stand it, couldn't be one way in front of the JW's and parents and myself when I wasn't. The possibility of loosing my family and "friends" that were JW's didn't compare to being miserable and playing the game for them. I left with my infant son and my life has been filled with joys and pains, ups and downs just like anyone else but at least I called the shots for myself. I didn't allow anyone else to dictate for me how to live my life, who to love, who I should have as friends.
My parents eventually came around and at times I wish they would go back to shunning me, their lives are full of drama as usual and I don't have time for it. Now I keep them at arms length and I don't allow anyone to cross my boundaries. To this day if I allow it my mother will try to make me feel ashamed because I'm not serving Joe Hoover, Oh how I let her down, she so wanted me to marry in da troof and be submissive elders wife, blah, blah, blah. My dad feel like a failure becuase as an elder he couldn't keep his own children in line with the JW's (all except two) and it makes him sooo sad. I know it's all bullshite so it doesn't affect me. I do a fine job creating my own drama thank you very much and I don't need anyone else's help.
It may be time to make a stand for who you are and how you wish to live your life. I wish you the best kid.
nj
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LDH
I already got the grilling from my father. "Have you touched her on her breasts or butt? Have you committed porneia? Are you guilty of fornication?...."
It's time for you to move out.
Tell your dad to rent a porno.
That's a violation of your privacy, you know, everyone else recognizes you are an adult at 19. But you are submitting to getting grilled like a chicken breast at Wendy's.
Time to pack up and go. Plenty younger than you have made it. Don't try to determine where people will fall, talk to you or not. Time to go live your life.
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jgnat
I like Mustang's advice best.
Full independence and freedom comes with the job and the apartment...away from the parents. As long as you are a dependent under their roof, you are going to be subjected to their rules and their harrassment.
Which comes to my second most frequent advice for exiting JW's; build a network of new friends before you make the break. The loss of a social network can be more devastating than you realize.
But that's all under the bridge. You've made your confession, your parents decided to freak, and you have to move on from there. So do work on the independence and freedom part.
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still_in74
dont do it for a girl
dont do it for your family or friends
do this for yourself.
do this and get it over with. the hardest part is behind you, you spilled the beans. Now do yourself a huge a favour and dont waste the rest of your life like so many of us here.
good luck...........
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Mrs. Fiorini
I know this is a tough time for you. My thoughts are with you as you sort out what you will do. Congratulations, though, on figuring out that life in the WT is a big mistake. You're still young, with your whole life ahead of you. That's a real advantage. So many of us here took much longer to figure it out. And we have all the regrets and missed opportunities that go along with that. Even though this is hard, you will have escaped much by getting out at your age! Good luck!
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
My father also keeps repeating how ashamed of me he is. Although he's never really been proud of me. My brother is a clean, chaste, ministerial servant poster boy with a happy dubb-marriage and a sucessful job with aspirations of bethel.
TBL, Good luck, however you decide to proceed.
Jeez, sorry to be so pointed but... what a rotten father. You have every right to be ashamed of him. Let "the brothers" in the meeting know how your father rags on you and praises your brother.
Don't feel obligated to be honest with "the brothers". The last time I met with 4 elders... they all lied to me... LIED. "Truth" is just a buzz-word to them--supposedly powerful, but absolutely meaningless.
Again, good luck. I think my using post #999 will give you EXTRA good luck ! It's like an upside-down 666 !
B the X