I think it's time for me to let some of my JW family members go...

by cognac 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  cognac

  I came to this realization last night. I got into an argument with my mother. She said that maybe I should be looking at myself as the cause of hubby not becoming an MS. She said that I was not letting my husband make the decisions and not letting my husband be the head of the household. She said that maybe I should wait for him to make decisions instead of making them on my own.

  I told her that the scriptures show love, compassion and mercy - qualities that Jesus had, qualities she lacks because she cares more about how things look. Even if it's to the detriment of her own children. I said that she doesn't think on her own and because of that her children suffered. I said that is not something I'm willing to do and I don't care who says what.

  I in no way glossed over words and pretty much said what I felt. I was angry. When I found out I was pregnant I wanted more then anything for my family to have a close relationship with my child. I wiped the slate clean and involved her in my life much more so that my child can have a relationship with her. With the words that came out of her mouth I realized that this cannot be. So I was angry. Not for me so much, but because my child is has to lose out on a normal, loving relationship with her.

  I should have known better. But, I ignored my gut because I wanted this for my child so much. Now, it's time for me to let her go for my own childs sake if nothing else. She is just to abusive. It's sad that things have to be like this. I will let her and other JW family into my childs life but I will have to be extremely careful about how I do that.
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  Witness 007

  Maybe avoid these folks if your gonna get angry...but don't cut anyone off...also you are more emotional and hormonal due to babe so take it easy.....stay locked in your room for 9 months!
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  Anti-Christ

  It does suck. I Just had my first child, she is 4 months now. Me and the Mrs wanted our little girl to have a some what "normal" relationship with the JW grandparents, we quickly realised that will not be possible. It's sad but for the sake of our children we must be careful of the influence cult members will have on them. We all know that this religion is not a healthy place for any one.

  Good luck with the baby, I can say it's the most amazing and life changing event in a couple's life.
• 

  carla

  I'm so sorry that things are the way they are and Grandma will not be able to be a real Grandma to your child. For the protection of your child it may be best if you keep her at some distance or only allow her around the child when you are present. This story has been repeated so many times on the boards I have lost count, how sad that this cult continues to put that wedge between family members.

  One option so your child gets a balanced view of generations and the benefits of having grandparents who get to 'spoil' them with time, gifts & love, would be to adopt a grandma. There are many elderly who do not have family close by who would love to spoil a child and tell them stories of when they were young. I'm sure there are some ex jw's who are elderly that have lost their entire families due to leaving the cult who would love a new family! and they would certainly know how to honor any boundries you set!

  I wish you well, don't allow the jw's to spoil your pregnancy and upcoming bundle of joy. Concentrate on your & baby health and well being, if that means your mom is out of the picture for awhile, so be it. It will just be the first of many times you will have to make a difficult choice about what is best for you and your child.
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  cognac

  Maybe avoid these folks if your gonna get angry...but don't cut anyone off...also you are more emotional and hormonal due to babe so take it easy.....stay locked in your room for 9 months!

  No, I won't cut her off. But, I have to be careful of her influence over my child. She has an abusive mentality that I don't want influenced upon my child.
• 

  cognac

  It does suck. I Just had my first child, she is 4 months now. Me and the Mrs wanted our little girl to have a some what "normal" relationship with the JW grandparents, we quickly realised that will not be possible. It's sad but for the sake of our children we must be careful of the influence cult members will have on them. We all know that this religion is not a healthy place for any one.

  Good luck with the baby, I can say it's the most amazing and life changing event in a couple's life.

  Thanks. And congrats on your baby as well! It's very sad that this is the way it has to be...
• 

  cognac

  also you are more emotional and hormonal due to babe so take it easy.....stay locked in your room for 9 months!

  That might not be a bad idea, Witness007... lol

  For the protection of your child it may be best if you keep her at some distance or only allow her around the child when you are present.

  Yes, I'm definately going to have to always be present when my child is with her. And there will be some distance...

  I'm sure there are some ex jw's who are elderly that have lost their entire families due to leaving the cult who would love a new family! and they would certainly know how to honor any boundries you set!

  hmmmm, that might not be a bad idea.

  I wish you well, don't allow the jw's to spoil your pregnancy and upcoming bundle of joy. Concentrate on your & baby health and well being, if that means your mom is out of the picture for awhile, so be it. It will just be the first of many times you will have to make a difficult choice about what is best for you and your child.

  Thank-you Carla.
• 

  Octarine Prince

  I look back on my life, and with a most incisive certainty, I can say that the majority of the problems with people came when I did not listen to my intuition.
  
  Do what you need to do.
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  Mickey mouse

  There's two ways of looking at this. On the one hand you want your family in your life more so than ever when you have children. On the other hand, your family will want to be in your life more than ever before and be part of their grandchildren's world. Children should never be a bargaining chip but the fact is it would be harder for your family to cut you out of their lives if that includes losing out on grandchildren too. How certain are you that your mom would shun you if you told her straight out how you really feel?
• 

  cognac

  I look back on my life, and with a most incisive certainty, I can say that the majority of the problems with people came when I did not listen to my intuition.
  
  Do what you need to do.

  Thanks OP.

  There's two ways of looking at this. On the one hand you want your family in your life more so than ever when you have children. On the other hand, your family will want to be in your life more than ever before and be part of their grandchildren's world. Children should never be a bargaining chip but the fact is it would be harder for your family to cut you out of their lives if that includes losing out on grandchildren too. How certain are you that your mom would shun you if you told her straight out how you really feel?

  She is a diehard JW. In general, she seems detached from her other grandchildren who are being raised as JWs. I'm not sure how she would react. I think though, that the "idea of it" would bother her more then the "act of" not having a relationship with them. Whether I'm a JW or not, I don't think she'd naturally have or want a close relationship with her grandchildren based on how she is with her other grandchildren. I wanted her to have a close relationship with my child knowing that I would be the one to constantly bring my child to her house.