Can fader's ever get off the pot, so to speak? (page 2)

dinah

I think I spoke out of frustration more than anything else, not trying to be judgemental.

There was a VERY long conversation with my best friend over the weekend. We were both born-in, df'd within two weeks of each other. But we didn't wake up until we were over 30!! Anyway.....she had read a passage in a Dean Koontz book (of all things!!) and when she called she was probably in a puddle of tears.

Her older sister is still in. Her sister hasn't attended a meeting in over two years, but defends the WT vehemently if the subject ever comes up.

At times, I can sense small seeds of doubt with my Mom. Mom was baptised when she was 20 years old (or somewhere around there), she's now 62. Her first cousin simply stopped going about two years ago, when she was 63. The two never speak anymore, and they were like sisters.

Yeah, Mr. Dinah says I think too much........

Scully

There's no clear answer, because there's no clear definition of what constitutes fading.

People do what they think is best, based on the information they have available to them.

I stayed with the JWs for a long time, despite my misgivings regarding the WTS's position on a woman's place and role in life (among other things). I blamed myself for not being able to swallow the oppressive inequality between the genders, instead of embracing the reality that the bible's view on women is flawed, sexist, devaluing and degrading of women. I blamed myself for wanting a better life and education, because the WTS said that those things were selfish and wrong. Things changed when I had daughters and realized that I could not bear to raise them in that misogynistic bull$h!t while their peer group was free be whatever they wanted to be.

There will come a tipping point for everyone who is trying to distance themselves from the JWs. For me, it was when my parents chose to treat me with WTS-fostered contempt, while still expecting me to pander to their wishes to associate with (and potentially indoctrinate) my children. One of the most valuable services that JWD has provided for so-called faders is information - information on doctrine, information on mind control, information on how to cope with JW relatives, and so on. People will take what they need when they need it. Everything that you could possibly want to know and educate yourself about regarding JWs is here, like a giant buffet... food at the proper time, indeed.

WTWizard

I quit serving the Washtowel Slaveholdery gradually, by confusing them as to which congregation had hounding duty on me. Then one day I quit altogether, and have not set foot inside a Kingdumb Hell since.

Of course, with the Great Roundup coming up ahead, and those humanoids that would do anything to have me back, anything is still possible except being set up for the opposite sex. Anything else goes--I do not trust those cockroaches.

Gregor

Dinah, I think there is a distinction between being a fader, as several above have indicated, and being someone who is "lving a lie" as you put it. I think that would be the most emotionally harmful thing, to go to meetings, service, talk the talk, etc. when in one's heart and mind they know it is a false, manipulative cult. Some who post here are in this category and I try not to be judgemental but I don't see how they can do it. What would be a word to describe this person? I don't think "fader" is accurate for them. A "sheep in wolf's clothing"? nah.

OnTheWayOut

Faders do need encouragement to stop living a lie, but they don't
necessarily have to stop fading.

What they need to do is make constant progress toward actual fading.
Cut back on meetings and service until you have ZERO. Your family
that you don't want to lose will know that something has changed, but
most of them will be allowed to speak with you.

Everyone has to choose their own path for their own reasons, but I tend
to feel that going to meetings for years, perhaps even being a participant
in the field circus or even a brother with position, that's just too much to
fake. My fade was quick and I was out the door and not coming back in.

Many faders clearly don't go to meetings or participate in any way even if
they do go to the occasional Memorial. If some do this so their grandkids
don't shun them, they have made their own important priorities.

dinah

Scully, once when the elders came by to try and get me to return the noticed my daughter was outside playing. They made the comment that my daughter could really use the guidance she would get if I would return. I almost threw up on their shoes.

chickpea

i will confess to being an accidental fader....
as it wasnt a cogent doctrinal or organizational
issue that caused me to cease feeding at the WTS table

my life circumstances were in overwhelm
and it was easy enough to cut service, mtgs, etc...

of course.... it is true what the b0rg says...
ya get away from the indoctrination sessions
and the "gathering of yourselves" with the R&F....
holy caca! the scales fall away!!

i didnt know i was a fader until i stumbled
(what a perfert word choice) on this website
nearly a year ago....

now i am a full blown apostate with a zeal to match
that which i had as a drone in the collective

ETA: i have no desire or motivation to
confirm or deny any status to the
few JDubs i rarely encounter...

if the PTB decide to label me according
to their dictates... i say: knock yourselves out, boys

sf

People do what they think is best, based on the information they have available to them.

What "people"? People here, who have the info, choose not to share it with the "people" who NEED it.

What would "people"do if the other people actually gave them this info?

Imagine THAT.

Is it best to hold on to this info only for oneself?

Shame on you People...as innocent, unsuspecting children are null and void of ANY of this info YOU PEOPLE have, as facts, about this deadly organization.

{{ nice to see you crazy and dinah}}

sKally

cognac

Personally for me, the whole fading thing is working out pretty well. I go to probably less then half the meetings. Because I did things the way that I did, it helped hubby put down his defences and so was easier for him to see things more clearly.

He hasn't been out in service in months, goes to about 75% of meetings and doesn't study any WT literature.

Also, doing things this way is helping so that I can help some family and friends see the truth about this cult. If I were all the way out, all there defenses would be up and it would be much more difficult to get through to them...

Maybe some people stay in just to help people get out???

no more kool aid

My immediate family stopped abruptly 5/08. I still call it a fade because there was a long time that we were living a lie. My heart wasn't in it, things didn't add up and I didn't even visit this website until after I left. It definitely confirmed what I already knew. We still have some friends that are in and they are so bitter, constantly complaining about stupid arguments in the car groups,nepotism, doctrine and the temperature in the KH. However they want us to come back!! I ask myself how long can they keep it up for themselves and bringing kids up in this craziness. I don't want to say too much or I will completely scare them off, but I too wonder, why the miserable pot sitting?

Can fader's ever get off the pot, so to speak?

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