I finally said it...It's time for us to get divorce

by kzjw 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

kzjw

I asked my wife over the weekend for a divorce...1st let me say that this sight gives support for those affected by the borg - ex-jw's, ubm's etc...but it also consumes some of us. Of this I am guilty. I have developed such a disdain for the WTBS that I can no longer have a conversation with my wife without attacking her religion. Even friends I've confided in say that I'm a lillte out of control with all things WT. Don't get me wrong, I truly believe that the WTBS places itself above Jesus in some of it's writings and creates diviison between couples, but the problems me & my wife experienced increased exponetially after I gain some of the knowledge here at JWD. She dug in deeper to her faith & I pushed ever harder against the machine and ultimately lost her, something I'll have to live with.
2nd, I truly believe the WTBS is guilty of blasphemy, manipulation of the R&F, and the death of countless people thru political and blood issues -- all in the name of Jehovah. Some of you, who grew up in it, or got caught up in it too deep, were deeply damaged, but some not so much. There are people functioning through the system the WTBS provides, though most of those prople have closed themselves off in to thier own little world.
Why did I ask for a divorce? I asked my wife through whom can one communicate with Jehovah? Her answer, "Jesus Christ"...I agreed. Then I asked, "Can anyone claim to be God's sole channel of communication?" Her answer, "Nooo!" My response, "Well the WT says it is God's sole channel of communication" Her response, "I've never read that, that's what you say" I offered her proof, she avoided the issue. If I am truly at odds with the WTBS to the point were I believe they are guilty of breaking commandments against God, then I have no choice but to "Flee from idolotry" (WT Jan 15,2008). So I asked my wife last night to consider an uncontested divorce, I asked calmly and without malice, and somehow felt a peace, even though I know I still love her. I just can no longer deal with her inablility to consider that this might not be the truth.
In closing, I'd warn other not to become obsessed in you hatred of the WT if it involves someone you love. If you learn the hatred of the WT as I have over these past few months, you may find yourself giving up more than you ever really wanted to.
KZJW
snowbird

I know I still love her.
In closing, I'd warn other not to become obsessed in you hatred of the WT if it involves someone you love.
I suggest you read 1 Corinthians 13 before you go any further with those divorce plans.
Can you really afford to allow the WT to win?
Sylvia
snowbird

I'm on a roll this morning.
From The Message Bible:

Passage 1 Corinthians 13 :
1 Corinthians 13
The Way of Love
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2 If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3 -7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8 -10 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
11 When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12 We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
AWAKE&WATCHING

((((((KZJW))))))
Sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is very difficult when you realize that the extent of the mind control prevents you from even being able to reason with someone you love. I wish you the best.
BurnTheShips

I have developed such a disdain for the WTBS that I can no longer have a conversation with my wife without attacking her religion. Even friends I've confided in say that I'm a lillte out of control with all things WT.
Same thing happened to me in '99. It nearly destroyed my marriage. I was rabid angry when I figured it out. Step back and take a deep breath!
She dug in deeper to her faith & I pushed ever harder against the machine and ultimately lost her, something I'll have to live with.
It's called pushback, the exact same thing happened to me and with my wife. No one can tear the veil off, you have to choose to take it off. She hasn't yet. She isn't ready.
So I asked my wife last night to consider an uncontested divorce, I asked calmly and without malice, and somehow felt a peace, even though I know I still love her.
You know what is best for you, and I won't pretend to know better. But it seems like you have a good woman as your wife, if you still love her so. I put my head down and put up with the WT for 8 more years. Eventually, I was able to help my wonderful woman see the light. I love her more than I ever have before, more than words can say, and our marriage is so much stronger, richer and more beautiful than it ever was. Since leaving we have been blessed with a son. I am so happy I took the hard course, she was so worth it. I wish you the best in yours.
BTS
drew sagan

The feelings you have are typical of those in people who experience being taken advantage of

Looking back I can see how I over reacted at times in regards to my obsessions with the WTS. Early on however I decided that I would make a special effort not to overwhelm my wife. I knew that doing so could destroy our relationship, so I kept very cautious in my discussions. If you actually look back in some of my posts during that time you'll see how cautious I really was. At one point I was actually thinking of going deeper into the organization so that thinking that likely conflicts with Elders and other authority figures down the road would help my wife see the borg for what it was. It was a pretty darn stupid idea, but I think it shows how cautious I really was at the time.

At the end of it all my wife didn't need nearly as much information as I thought she did. I'm convinced that many witnesses, given the proper environment, would probably open and express opinions about the Watchtower they never would under the typical pressures. All JWs have doubts. It's a matter of letting them actually understand and explore those doubts.

People are allowed to believe whatever they wish. I think it is in your best interest to respect this. Realize that if somebody wants to believe Jesus Christ chose their religion at the turn of the century, so be it. The real problem is how they use those (bizarre!) beliefs as force that can destroy the relationships of friends and family, as well as control peoples lives with fear and intimidation.

I say this because at the end of the day we have to draw a line. We have to realize that there will always be groups, religions, ect on this earth that we disagree with. It's the deplorable behavior of the Watchtower Society that we must first and foremost speak against. I think recognizing this helped me a lot.
undercover

I'd warn other not to become obsessed in you hatred of the WT if it involves someone you love. If you learn the hatred of the WT as I have over these past few months, you may find yourself giving up more than you ever really wanted to.
That's good advice even if it doesn't involve someone else. Obsessing over time, energy and money spent for the Watchtower Society only causes you to never recover and move on to living life without their influence.
True, some of us have family still active and we have to interact with them but that doesn't mean we have to spend an excessive amount of time dwelling on how our life is ruined because of it. We can't bring the religion or the organization down. It's better to learn to live with the fact that some people are going to choose to believe in it, accept them as they are and work to maintaining as good a relationship as possible. Easier said than done, I know...but if we're positive, in time that postiviness can rub off on others and even though there will be differences, you can work around them.
Of course there are going to be situations where a marriage or a family relationship just can't be salvaged, but from my perspective I'd rather see the JW be the unreasonable person who couldn't accept me and who demanded me to be something that I couldn't thus forcing the situation. If they can accept me, I can accept them, though we may disagree on religion.
It all depends on how zealous the JW is. Some will force the issue, while others will be a little more open-minded and seek a middle ground with which to work with.
In my opinion, it seems that you're willing to throw your wife out with the religion. If you were willing to let your wife believe as she wants, would she be willing to let you believe as you wish? That's the crux of the matter there. If you can both agree to let each other persue their own religious beliefs the marriage can be salvaged, especially since you say you still love her.
No one can tell someone else what to do, so I only throw this out there for you to consider. I wish you the best and hope things work out for everyone involved.
Good luck.
kzjw

Sylvia, Thanx for the verse...I almost cried...I'll share that with her...
Burn...The push back just put me in a position where I had no choice, as a man occaisionally you have to mean what you say. I couldn't be stonewalled anymore.
Drew; I tried going in to no avail, I tried the gentle approach, I just have trouble seeing her agree 2 views on a teaching(or even Christ) are totally opposite, then through the wt she can say they could be the same.
Undercover said.
It all depends on how zealous the JW is. Some will force the issue, while others will be a little more open-minded and seek a middle ground with which to work with.
She's not over zealous, but is unyielding, the fact that she won't at least read other publications is the key issue. I would never have married someone that close-minded. Life is about exploring the world around you, and that can't be done if all you do revolves around a set of considerations to put the wt first under the guise Jehovah. As an average witness, my wife doesn't catch the literary nuances used by the writers, so she believes it is God.
snowbird

Sylvia, Thanx for the verse...I almost cried...I'll share that with her...
I'm glad you received it in the spirit in which it was given. I didn't want to come across as too preachy.
As an average witness, my wife doesn't catch the literary nuances used by the writers, so she believes it is God.
Give her time; it took a long time for me to realize we were being hornswoggled. Even when I realized it, I still didn't want to believe it.
I'm hoping you two will be able to find common ground and move on from there.
Peace to you, Bro.
Sylvia
Mary

Then I asked, "Can anyone claim to be God's sole channel of communication?" Her answer, "Nooo!" My response, "Well the WT says it is God's sole channel of communication" Her response, "I've never read that, that's what you say" I offered her proof, she avoided the issue.
*blink* WTH? Every Witness on earth knows that the Organization claims that they are God's sole channel of communication----they freely admit this in their literature. You should ask your wife to phone Bethel and ask them. I can't believe she's never heard that one....

I finally said it...It's time for us to get divorce

1 Corinthians 13

The Way of Love

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