I finally said it...It's time for us to get divorce

by kzjw 38 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  momzcrazy

  I am really glad my husband didn't take the stance you have, he left 8 years before the kids and I did.

  I was horrible to him when it came to the "truth". I barely tolerated him. I resented him for leaving, and for beginning a new life I didn't understand. I was angry with him after every convention, assembly, meeting and service I had to take two, then three, kids to alone. I hardly let him parent our kids. How could he without being a Witness? I was told by elders and others to leave him, and talked bad about him to fellow Witnesses.

  BUT he kept his mouth shut when it came to all of it. He didn't bad mouth the Society or me for still believing and raising his kids that way.

  Even when it came to my own decision to leave, he didn't try to sway me either way. He treated me like the adult I was, able to make my own decisions. I left a year ago.

  So, like the Witnesses say about UBMs, he won me over without a word.

  We have had bad times, before and after I left. But we are working thru it, even went to marriage counseling.

  momz
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  oompa

  well for what it's worth, my therapist who is trying to help me save my marriage said i really need to stop letting WT get to me...let it go...and one good point is that many people may NEED this type of faith to get buy....trying to take that from my wife is really not fair, but i have had trouble shutting up about their lies.....i hope i can stop being so obsessed about what i now know...and ya....i have some anger issues about WT.......oompa
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  still_in74

  I know I still love her.

  In closing, I'd warn other not to become obsessed in you hatred of the WT if it involves someone you love.

  I suggest you read 1 Corinthians 13 before you go any further with those divorce plans.

  Ok, while I agree with this suggestion I also see where kzjw is coming from.

  I love my wife so much, but I am holding in my true feelings about the WTS because I know she will never leave it, and even if she could be convinced that the org is not the "truth" she would never do anything to hurt/lose her family. How could I live as an UBM? My wife goes out on her own and never accompanies me out with my "worldly" friends?

  She would never be happy nor would I - but we still love each other! I know that my one-day coming out will be the end of my marriage. i cant see it any other way. It will destroy us both but faking this is "rotteness to my bones" (sorry couldnt resist)
  To me just thinking of trying to "educate" my wife about the org is exhausting. There is a part of me that cant even imagine trying knowing the outcome is what it is....
• 

  yknot

  Praying for both of yall during this tribulation
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  Bubblie

  I stayed in almost 5 years before I saw the light my husband was trying to show me with small questions and suggestions. I was afraid to leave. Afraid of having nothing to believe in, when he asked me for a divorce. It was a difficult choice but in the end I left the dubs not him. We didn't work on the marriage and it was in trouble then but I didn't know it. He has now divorced me just this year, so you never know what is going to happen in the future. We still love each other but couldn't keep it together anymore after the cult. How is your wife taking it? Do you have children? Please consider riding it out if you can for a little while longer. I know I am glad my guy helped get me out. Hope she will see that about you, too. Sorry that you are going through this, divorce is a stressful thing. I don't recommend it to anyone if they can help it, but if it is just getting you so down then who I am to tell you what to do. Wish you well.

  Kit
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  Hope4Others

  It does take time for the other to start to question things...
  
  Why can't you just do a trial separation to see how you both feel after a couple of months?
  
  h40
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  reniaa

  From what I've read on here and personal experiences the marriages that survive are the ones that the partner makes allowances for the other to make up their own minds either way. Once a person decides it's 'their way or the highway' there is little that can be done and that it true of both spouses both in and out of Jws, Those willing to let love guide them into not constantly creating ultimatum filled battlegrounds and compromising, respecting the other as a free-thinking adult end up the winners.

  It's to easy to let the other person be the victim of all your pent up hatred of the org they being the most vulnerable person because they have no defence as your spouse they cannot walk away in their own home (this works both ways) it is cowardly I think to take anger out on a spouse which should truly be directed at WTs, someone on here told how they constantly humiliated their partner ripping up the blood card in their face and I felt so sorry for what they must have put their spouse through just for believing something the other didn't.

  How many on here have realised they lost the love of their life because they couldn't compromise while others have been happy leaving a partner as well as Jws but in a lot of these the love in their marriage had already died well before their faith in the religion had..

  I hope things go ok for you hun were there is love there is hope.
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  isaacaustin

  Reniaa

  Well said. Very good advice.

  I give credit where credit is due.
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  cognac

  Reniaa

  Well said. Very good advice.

  ITA - I couldn't have said it any better myself...
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  kzjw

  Mary said;

  Every Witness on earth knows that the Organization claims that they are God's sole channel of communication----they freely admit this in their literature.

  Do you have a short list of places in the WT cd-rom I can point out to her?

  Momcrazy said;

  I was horrible to him when it came to the "truth". I barely tolerated him. I resented him for leaving, and for beginning a new life I didn't understand. I was angry with him after every convention, assembly, meeting and service I had to take two, then three, kids to alone.

  I've felt some of that, but she'll never admit it. There were times she'd take the kids to metting nites, and come back really angry at them for thier obvious impatiaence,and I guess at me for not helping.

  Bubblie said;

  How is your wife taking it? Do you have children? Please consider riding it out if you can for a little while longer.

  She won't really respond except to say, "you want to divorce me!" to avoid responsibility I guess. Other than the blank JW stare, I get nada. Our son is 17(18 in Sept) and we have a 6 yr old great nephew(wife's side of the family) that we are trying to raise, and i do care about him, but he's not my child. We tried to finish raising 3 of her nephews as well for about 4 years, and I find that these kids today when facedd with discipline will tell you, "You ain't my daddy!" I'm not sure I'm looking forward to that, adn maybe feel it's why I can't ride it out a little longer. I've allowed this cult to make subtle changes to our lives for almost 14 years. Though I've actively opposed this year heavily, I guess it just took a toll....