Need to vent - being hassled by elders!

by wildfell 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  wildfell

  Thank you to everyone who posted. You've given me some great advice. It's also been a great start to my morning having a laugh over some of the suggestions - I like the chronic fatigue/allergic to perfume one especially! I will ignore them totally when they come around again. After all, I should know how it's done - householders were wise enough to do it to me for years! LOL

  I don't want to DA because 1) I won't play by their game and 2) I do have family (in-laws mostly) who are pretty old and it would be too upsetting for them. I also have a few good friends who are important to me and one of them is very open to the information I am providing her with about the truth about "the truth".

  The weekend is nearly upon us, I will keep you updated if I receive another unsolicited visit. It was helpful to know that there is a drive on to contact us 'spiritually weak' ones.
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  still_in74

  Just tell them you became depressed after being offended. This lowered your immune system and now you have chronic fatigue syndrome and are allergic to perfumes.

  LOL!

  DITTO!!!!!!!!
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  SnakesInTheTower

  AllTimeJeff:

  If your intention is to fade, then with all respect to others, any attempt to write a letter could be used against you. I wouldn't.

  Frankly, (and I don't know if others would care to comment) when I was an elder, I called on several who attended meetings sporadically, if ever. Many told me that someone caused them hurt feelings, and that they couldn't go back. Elders hardly ever look at that as apostate.

  I have to agree with Jeff on this one. As a former elder, I would leave anyone alone that said "they had been hurt". Too often it was true. The more we as elders pushed them to come back, the further away they ran. If you put anything in writing, some overzealous CO is going to take it and run with it. As a former secretary, I can tell you that lots of this stuff stays in local forever (unless you get someone like me that likes to purge files, but then HQ often still has a copy). Once a CO and/or HQ gets hold of your letters, its like plastic bottles in a landfill ...its forever.

  If they come banging on my door, I refuse to let them control me more than they already are (by me looking over my shoulders). IF I know them and used to like them, I will be polite but not invite them in if it was a "drop in" visit. If I didnt like them, I would tell them to leave. As to phone calls...I got a call last night...I let it go to voice mail (as I do with most calls)...it was a JW friend I respect..and the call had nothing to do with JW..so I talked to him when he called back today.

  Dont write letters. Dont hide behind doors. Dont hide period. Dont get confrontational. Dont give them any reason to DF you in absentia.

  Snakes ()
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  flipper

  WILDFELL- I like Quietly Leaving's suggestion. It's what I do when witnesses come to my door. Engage them in a bit of discussion with me controlling where the conversation goes - usually the child abuse scandal - then I show them the news release explaining it was covered over for years and allowed to continue unchecked in the organization for so long. It usually gets them off their high horse , knocks the wind out of their sails - especially when I explain how offended I was in the way the WT society handled it. They won't call on you that much after that
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  jws

  Its NOT harrassment for someone to repeatedly POUND ON YOUR DOOR and YELL YOUR NAME??? If it wasnt a JW you wouldnt call that HARRASSMENT??

  I think the point BluesBrother is trying to make is that they're not trying to be malicious. They think they're saving you. If your house was on fire and somebody was screaming your name and pounding on your door, would that be harassment? They probably see it the same way.

  I think their behavior was horrible - especially since they've never met you. But when I think of harassment, I think of trying to be mean.

  Well, maybe it's all a membership drive. Like the big push for field service near the Memorial that also lets them pump up that "peak publishers" statistic.

  Maybe that's deemed their most successful strategy. Knocking on doors isn't getting good results. The kids are dropping out. Maybe they found out they get more of a return-on-investment by trying to reactivate people who've stopped coming.

  I kind of feel left out. Except for my father, I never once got any sort of "shepherding call" from anybody. No visits, no phone calls, nothing. I'm not DA or DF, but I have been shunned before. Maybe they were just glad to see me go. Or maybe I was DA'd without being told about it.
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  primitivegenius

  THREE WORDS............ FIBRO-MIAL-GIA......... WAIT THATS JUST ONE MY BAD.

  i have to agree, put up the no trespassing sign and call the cops, simple as that. if you have a good friendly neighbor then you could work out a plan with them ahead of time where you could call them and they could call the police for you. tell the cops that someone is breaking into their neighbors house and screaming, they MIGHT have a gun............ see if the cops come in a couple hours to tape out the bodies lol.

  when i quit going, i had my own apartment in a city that i moved to, and i had gone to the meeting there a couple times in fadeing and didnt get talked to much, even tho most of the people knew me there. so i just finally quit, and nothing happened for months. now i never moved my card mind you from my old hall. but my dad (PO) put some of those fracking elders onto me and gave them my address and PHONE NUMBER....... thanks dad........ preciate it........... REALLY. so they started showing up at all hours trying to get me to come to the meetings. ringing my doorbell till it was smokeing man. so i unpluged the bastard...... problem solved........ nope when they didnt hear the bell ring the started knocking on my door with canes........... loud as all hell. i just went into my bedroom which was the further from the door and thats where i had my computer anyway so no biggie.

  then i had family that told me they might be stopping by that evening........ so i was resting getting ready for bed around meeting time cause i had work early. someone knocks on the door....... i go check........... they put their hand over my peephole....... so i ASSUMED it was family. nope ELDER.......... tried to MAKE me get dressed and go to the meeting with him right then. i said no i have to go to bed in a few minutes because i have to work early, he offered to pick me up for all the meetings....... i said um... no thanks i know where the hall is and my car is in good shape. so then i said well like i said i got to go to bed now thanks for stopping by....... have a good night and shut the door in his face.

  so from then on i knew that i either had to move, or i could never open the door until i knew who was there lol. so fortunately for me i moved out of state about 3 months later to where no one knew my name lol.

  FREEDOM right there now.

  if you have to talk to them, the perfume thing is huge because every single hall has those sisters who wear 6 times the maxium legal limit of perfume for every meeting. and there is no way to prove or disprove that your serious. the more issues the better..... but trespassing is still a good option
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  MissingLink

  Just answer the door and be honest and brief. Say "I'm going thru a hard time right now, and I don't want to talk about it. I'll contact someone when I'm ready to talk." Then shut the door. Honest. You ARE going thru a hard time because they are hassling you. But you don't need to go into details.