God has a secret Man-Crush on Satan.........

by oompa 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • oompa
    oompa

    here's why i say that.......it's like they are a couple, and god wants to break it off...but is having a really hard time doing so.....

    1. Garden of Eden...Satan starts trashing god, calls him a liar, and gets a couple to turn away from god....so this screw up (oh interferes with) gods big plan......and he doesn't ZAP Satan?...he doesn't even PUNISH Satan?...he just curses snakes and takes their legs away??....fishy

    2. Big meeting in Heaven...in Job I believe......and there is Satan...still hangin with his homies.......no prob says god....just stay up here and corrupt a ton of my other angels...oh and go on down there and bitch slap Job all you want...just don't kill him ok buddy?

    3. So thousands of years go by....satan is happily recruiting his demonz in heaven....and hey...since he is getting away with murder...why not kill gods own son?!?!......now there a good idea!.........whats ol god gonna do then?...he will HAVE to spank my ass then right?

    4. no....not at all......satan kills gods son and god is pretty cool about it....nbd anyway....god just re-creates some jesus clone and all is well...and btw satan....just hang out with us in heaven for a couple of thousand years...you me and my son you murdered....we can play some canasta and knock down a few brews......plus all the chick angels up here are virgins......

    5. ok...so now it's 1914....and god and jesus is pissed off now right?.....lets whack this satan once and for all?....naaa....lets not do that...lets just let him focus all his evilness on my planet earth down there.....he can take his demonz gang with him cause he is really better at recruiting than me and i am running out of angels...

    6. so now satan is out of heaven right?....well wrong apparently....cause i think he still flies around in the earthly heavens....so maybe he just cant get back into gods really really far off heaven........but STILL....even with jesus on the weird shaky throne since 1914....satan has not been whacked....god just cant seem to do it.....but he will at Armagedoon!!!!!!YEAAAA!!!!!HOORAY!!!!!......not.....

    7. so now we are gonna whack Satan once and for all at this Armageddon gig.....except.......naaaa......lets just kill wicked mankind...make that any and everybody not part of my little JW cult....as long as they are still turning that little slip of paper each month...they can live...kinda funny jesus...now its the slip of paper, but once i made them put blood on their front doors to avoid a family death!....those were the days man......

    8. wtf?...i thought you was gonna whack satan at Armageddon dammit?....just how in love with this guy are you god?.......see god now wants to give satan and his demonz a 1000 year vacation and then whack him right?......naaaaa...not exactly...after that....he knows that satan is gonna be all backed up inside....kinda like blue-balls waiting to explode.......so lets let him out....and just run wild for a time!......it'll be great fun watching all these near perfect humans get ravaged by his evilness one more time!...lol.....lets watch him party hardy.......how long are you gonna let him run wild?......hmmm.....i dunno...he has such a cute way about him.........i may just see how long he can go at ..............................................oompa

  • Kudra
    Kudra

    Hilarious thread title.

  • Olin Moyles Ghost
    Olin Moyles Ghost

    Ha! You're totally going to hell, oompa.

  • redredrose
    redredrose

    Oompa, ever thought about doing stand up?

    This is freaking hilarious!

  • parakeet
    parakeet

    What you've described is what therapists call an "unhealthy codependent relationship."

    Both of them need professional help. Now.

  • loosie
    loosie

    It's like a Bromance.

  • yadda yadda 2
    yadda yadda 2

    How obnoxious. You dick

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    "There Goes God" by Crowded House

    What'll I tell him
    When he comes to me for absolution?
    Wouldn't you know it
    Hope I dont make a bad decision

    Cuz I'd like to believe
    That there is a God
    Why sinful angels
    Suffer for love
    I'd like to believe
    In the terrible truth
    In the beautiful lie

    Like to know you
    But in this town I can't get arrested
    If you know me
    Why don't you tell me what I'm thinking?

    Hey dont look now
    But there goes god
    In his sexy pants
    And his sausage dog
    And he cant stand
    Beelzebub
    Cuz he looks so good in black, in black

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckxVEMoqgPM

  • jaguarbass
    jaguarbass

    I suggest reading Zechariah Sitchin starting with the 12th planet.

    God and Satin are brothers. God is Yahwah/Elli ; The evil murderous one

    Satin is elniki/ designer of man humanitarian better and smarter of

    the two.

    They are aliens. We were genetically enginered to be a slave race and work for the Gods.

    It's all in the Summerian text. The religious manipulators disscredit Sitchin because they dont want

    to loose their power.

    But the US government used him in the Iraq war for intelligence.

    When enough people find out/ wake up to what is going on demigods like Bush will no longer

    be able to rape and manipulate us.

    I also recommend reading the Gods of Eden by William Bramley.

    We have been lied to, its not just the JW's its Christianity and man made religion in general.

    Like the chineese say, religion is the opium of the people it keeps them in a sleep like trance.

    You owe it to yourself to understand what is going on.

    It may redirect or eliminate your anger.

    There are a lot of blind leading the blind out there.

  • easyreader1970
    easyreader1970

    The old and new testament are so totally different, unrelated, and disconnected I can't see how anybody thinks they belong together. The mindset of God himself is completely different. You go from angry war god, killing people brutally for the smallest infractions, to peace-loving, let's forgive everybody for all sins in an instant? What gives?

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit