Were you Raised by an " Elder " Father in the Witnesses ?

by flipper 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  Like many of you - I was. As I mentioned on another thread , it was very uncommon to ever get any commendation or recognition for any " good" accomplishments I ever did. You know the Jesus expression, " We are good for nothing slaves- what we have done is what we ought to have done. " Ridiculous. Like many of you who were elders sons - my dad would be gone countless hours and hours on " shepherding " or " Judicial committee " matters so our mental and emotional relationship was pretty much a quiet, non-communicative one. ( A situation I rectified raising my own son - we are very close ! ) Fortunately I had a cool witness mom who I could talk about anything with - still can to this day as she is 81!

  Although accomplishing a lot in my business over the years ( 26 years now in business ) still my dad's main critique of me is that I didn't stay in the mind control cult. My older brother- an elder since 1972 - fit more into the " mold " that my dad was expecting for his adult son's. You know - a robot - more able to be controlled ! I have some conversations with my dad - they usually last only about 5 minutes or less . If I'm lucky it will last 15 minutes and he says, " You want to talk to your mom ? " I realize it's just the way he is. He came from a broken home when he was 11 ( his dad was alcoholic ) so I realize as I've aged his lack of communication skills is because he didn't have much with his own dad. So I accepted years ago that what he and I have - is going to be what he and I have. At least my mom is a talker ! We get along good.

  But as the years go by - I have a sense of compassion and sorrow for my parents dad 83, and mom 81 - that 58 years of their lives have been spent since the early 1950's for what ? A lie , and a " false " sense of security in a hope they will never realize because it's not real, a fantasy. Fortunately my son and I are close - this gives me great solace . And he is NOT a witness ( got out 6 years ago ) so he has his whole life ahead of him to pursue fulfilling ventures ! My family did give me good things - but never got the credit from my father I thought I deserved. For all of you out there raised by witness elde fathers - just know I'm with ya ! I understand . Look forward to hearing what you went through as well ! Take car, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  no more kool aid

  Yes, Flipper I was raised by an elder. However he was a 1975 guy and when it came and went so did he. He was out by 1980. Df'ed haven't seen him since. I was provided with the never could be good enough elder step father. My husband and I started to not fit the mold when my husband step down (step dad calls anyone who is not a servant a "zero") and we both went back to school and kids started playing some sports here and there. When we were going to meetings we could never do enough or in anyway be acceptable to them. Now that we started our fast fade (5/08) our relationship is actually better. Don't get me wrong they detest the fact that we are out, but they don't ask questions and try to be nice. I like them better too, now that I don't have to see them in the context of the organization. And I do have a great deal of compassion for older relatives who have bought this crap hook, line and sinker and wasted their entire lives. I don't expect them to change, but can be kind to them in their old age.
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  jookbeard

  I certainly was, he died faithful on 2005, remember ,not fondly his rod of discipline style of punishments, his tears at assembly baptisms especially frail ones struggling to get into the pool, but his cold hearted switch which terrified me as a kid, sick upbringing in alot of ways
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  eyeslice

  No but I was raised by a Ministerial Servant and I must say that overall I had a great childhood. I became and elder myself and raise 4 kids in the 'truth' But I could see the whole thing starting to fall apart for kids. As a kid growing up I had lots of privileges and responsibilties but I saw nothing for my kids; general the organisation has no regard for young ones today - they certainly don't trust them.

  I have encouraged by kids to go to University and get an education. That was one of the many reasons I decided to leave.
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  flipper

  NO MORE KOOL AID- I agree - I try to be understanding towards my parents as well since they've been witnesses since 1951. They respect my fading stand - and I respect their right to be witnesses. I don't try to change them - and they don't try to change me. Your stepfather actually calls people " zeroes" if they stop being a " servant " ? I take it he's pretty judgemental. Interesting.

  JOOKBEARD- So your dad appeared tearful watching frail people getting baptized in public ; however he used a cold hearted switch to keep you straighht in an authoritarian manner. Stands to figure. Most elders gave a better impression to the people at the kingdom hall of themselves , but their private life was in shambles . Sorry you were treated that way.

  EYESLICE- I'm glad to hear you provided a better future for your children than your dad did for you ! Like you I had a decent upbringing from my witness father and mother , no abuse, but I wasn't encouraged to get higher education either. Something I've tried to encourage my children to do
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  wannaexit

  Hey Flipper, I too was raised by an elder father. It was not a picnic. My father used to take out his frustration in the congregation on the family.I was a very unhappy person. As you I look at my folks being subserviant to a bunch of men for 50 years and I am very saddened. I wonder what our lives would have been had watchtower not been there.
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  JimmyPage

  Wow Flipper you and I have a lot in common. My dad's dad left his family when he was young. I have never felt particularly close to my father. Getting him to talk is like pulling teeth. (Probably because of what happened with his dad). So, like you, I am close to my mother.

  As I said on another recent thread I saw my dad pour all his time and energy into elder responsibilities and work (construction, and later, janitorial). Dad was a pretty strict disciplinarian. I can remember him being concerned about whatever record albums I listened to or what I read. He was old school and spanked me (but I never felt abused).

  On the other hand, I am very close to my child. I try to follow John Lennon's example as a "house-husband" in his second marriage (although I do work), so I'm very involved in my kid's life. Contrast this with the fact that my mother did not want a third child because Dad did not pitch in and help her as much as she needed when it came to me and my sibling.

  It has only been recently that I learned from another source more of the details about why my grandfather left his family. I used to think he was an a**hole for what he did, but now I have much more sympathy for him.
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  thebiggestlie

  still living under my parents roof.

  My fathers an elder... it's been rough.

  tbl
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  asilentone

  Yes, My Dad has been an elder since 1972 when the elder arrangement started, he is still an elder.
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  JimmyPage

  I meant to add to that because of my father spending so much time on JW activities and not on the family that I now have no desire to ever be an elder although at one time I was a servant.