Is your PC demonised?!

by ISP 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • ISP
    ISP

    Been tempted to go back to the meetinz? Thinking of having a babble study? Could be your PC!....

    Is Your Computer Possesed by a Demon?

    SAVANNAH, Ga. -- Your computer may be possessed by a demon, a leading
    minister warns.

    "While the Computer Age has ushered in many advances, it has also
    opened yet another door through which Lucifer and his minions can
    enter and corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim Peasboro, author
    of an upcoming book, The Devil in the Machine.

    Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken to a
    human being. And today's thinking machines have enough space on their
    hard drives to accommodate Satan or his pals.

    "Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to house an evil
    spirit," the minister confirmed.

    The Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the problem from
    counseling churchgoers.

    "I learned that many members of my congregation became in touch with a
    dark force whenever they used their computers," he said. "Decent,
    happily married family men were drawn irresistibly to pornographic
    websites and forced to witness unspeakable abominations.

    "Housewives who had never expressed an impure thought were entering
    Internet chat rooms and found themselves spewing foul, debasing
    language they would never use normally.

    "One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the
    computer as if someone else or something else just takes over.' "

    The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the
    parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an
    artificial-intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it
    on. "The program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he
    recalls. "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is
    a damn liar.' "

    Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like
    gobbledygook.

    "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the
    minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in
    a 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!"

    Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the problem further and
    uncovered alarming facts.

    "I learned most of the youths involved in school shootings like the
    tragedy at Columbine were computer buffs," he said. "I have no doubt
    that computer demons exerted an influence on them."

    The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in America now houses
    some type of evil spirit.

    Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed,
    you consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty,
    take it in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard
    drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit
    permanently."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    This material is copyright 2000 by the Weekly World News and may not
    be reproduced without the written approval of the Weekly World News.

    ISP
  • RunningMan
    RunningMan

    I need further clarification. My warranty does not specifically list demon
    possession. Am I covered?

    Also, since PC's prior to 1985 seem to be OK due to lack of disk space,
    what about old mainframes? I learned to program on an IBM 370 which
    had plenty of disk space. I wouldn't be at all surprized if it were posessed.

    Precisely how much disk is required to house an evil spirit? Does it need to
    have adequate free space, or will it piggy back on my existing files? If I
    defragment the disk, will this kick them off? I'm sure Norton has something
    to cure this. I will check right away.

  • avengers
    avengers

    if you want to contact me this is my email address: [email protected] Talk about a demon.

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    Isp

    What about floppy disks, cds and zip discs? Could a demen write itself onto those? Would one have to throw everything out? Have any chritians thought of writing an exorcism program that would have the power of jesus in it, that could clear out these demenz? Maybe a few key bible passages in the different directories would keep them out.

    Christians everywhere will thank you, for bringing this to their attention.
    SS

  • Seven
    Seven

    Norton chased two demons into quarantine for me awhile ago. I've been demon free for 54 days now.

  • larc
    larc

    Just remember the reverend's advice,

    Men, if you look at naked ladies on the net, it is not your fault. The devil made you do it. Women, if you start cussing like a drunken sailor, just blame the computer devil.

    Actually, I think that woman's computer was blessed of the Holy Ghost. After all, it was speaking in tongues.

    The minister made a couple mistakes. It wasn't until March 25th, 1989, that the memory got big enough to hold one of the Devil's minions, and if had to be a midget minion at that. Also, only 8.57% of computers are possesed, not the 10% he claims. I know this from exit interviews I have conducted with minions. One way to get rid of minions is to leave your computer in a large bucket of bleach over night.

    Speaking of minions, my favorite soup it French Minion Soup with melted cheese on top and croutons in the soup. Very tastey. Fried minions are also good on top of a broiled steak.

  • ISP
    ISP
    Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like gobbledygook

    Hey Fred I think you PC is demonised.

    ISP

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Hey Larc,

    I like to cut the li'l devils into filet minions.

  • Francois
    Francois

    I live in Savannah, and I knew this town was weird. Now this. I'm crawling into the nearest keyhole.

    FT

  • Tammie
    Tammie

    hmmm- Sounds like another "Blame it on the Devil" thingy.

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