My Chat with My Older JW Mom about Missing Meetings due to Health (page 2)

Freedom Fighter

This is a topic which really makes my blood boil. My elderly mother, who is in poor health, hasn't attended a meeting for about 18 months to 2 years now. During her almost 30 year service she has done more than her fair share of magazine selling and meeting attendance, often using our car to ferry people around to meetings, assemblies etc. The majority of these people always seemed to think that we had invented a new bio fuel that was free to use - how else would you explain the lack of offers to help with the petrol costs?

In these 2 years of non attendance she has become practically invisible, yesterday's news. The phone calls have stopped and she has a 5 minute visit approximately every six months from some patronising git who brings a Victoria sponge and probably counts time. This is a poor exchange for the time, effort and money given to the WTS. She has been abandoned by her so called friends as she is now too much of a burden to have around.

Does this make me angry? Damn right it does, especially as she makes excuses for them and their lack of interest. I saw this happen to older ones in the congo when I was growing up - no-one wanted to know when they subsequently became a burden.

The hypocrisy is clear to see and makes a mockery of the holier than thou attitude which is often worn like a badge of honour.

FF

Scarred for life

I hear you, Freedom Fighter. This is what I have seen and experienced among the JWs also.

slimboyfat

I am sorry to hear that Freedom Fighter. In our congregation the older ones get to listen to the meetings on the phone. They get a reasonable number of visits too.

On the one hand I suspect many of the friends your mum had over the years may be very old themselves by now. At the same time I totally accept that many JWs are very fickle in their friendships and can display a distinct lack of genuine love, even for people they have known for decades.

You should write a letter to the elders in your mum's congregation telling them what you think. Your post above would do almost word for word. Maybe even write to the branch over the heads of the local elders and see if that can prompt any response.

Finally-Free

I have to admit the JWs in the 3 congregations I was in were pretty considerate with the elderly. Some listened to the meetings on the phone and could comment that way if it was arranged ahead of time. Others were given rides regularly. My mom developed lymphoma when she was 75, and meeting attendence and field circus went downhill after that. She listened to the meetings on the phone, had many regular visitors, and they usually taped conventions for her. She always felt guilty about not going in field circus, but they tried to tell her she didn't have to because of her health.

I found the JWs to be far less compassionate with people who suffered from ill health if they were young or middle aged.

W

flipper

FREEDOM FIGHTER- I'm so sorry your mother was treated that way. I too found that many elderly in the witnesses were stuck and put off into a corner like an old banjo or piece of furniture, unused. To Jehovah's Witnesses many times friendships are conditional based on how many hours you report in field service knocking on people's doors, or how many times you comment at meetings. It's ridiculous. I feel what you are saying , and I lived what you are saying for 44 years until I got out 5 years ago and my blinders came off ! Please send your mother my best and tell her about us caring about this ssubject on this board - if you are able. I do hope she can find non-witness friends who will truly care.

SCARRED for LIFE - I too experienced many times what Freedom Fighter mentioned.

SLIMBOYFAT- I'm sure it's true in some congregations that elders and others show genuine interest in older ones. But I'd say in about 65 % of the congregations they do not. My older witness parents in their 80's bemoan the fact that my older JW elder brother goes out of town every week and weekends on regional building committee projects as he is the head accountant so he's considered " important " or " vital " to seeing the building projects through. I think what's more vital is being there physically for your older witness parents when they live just around the corner from you. I live 5 hours away so I can only do so much.

FINALLY FREE- I agree it was good when witnesses set up the telephone meeting experience for those like your mom who couldn't atend. I'm glad she had understanding people around her who did not make her feel guilty. But from what I saw in my years in congregations - that was the exception as opposed to the rule in how older people were treated. Most times I observed older ones being ignored at meetings sitting quietly for 30 minutes before meetings in the corner of a kingdom hall while younger ones bustled around talking to their cliques or best friends. Just my take

Freedom Fighter

Hi folks

Thanks for the comments - it's good to be able to vent now and again to people who know what I'm talking about. The irony is that one of the best and most supportive friends of my mum has been her 'worldly' neighbour for whom nothing is too much trouble.

My dad (who has never been a witness) says that he is glad the JWs have disappeared, as like myself, he cannot stomach listening to their fanciful paradise daydreams on a regular basis. I think he would move into the shed if the JWs came calling on a regular basis and doesn't want to encourage this. When he drove them to the meetings he had to suffer a non stop recruitment drive!

Thankfully we have been able to replace the JWs with a re-introduction to old 'worldly' friends and family - this has shown how real love and kindness operates. In fact it has been great in some ways to get the JWs off the scene. My mum doesn't say much about it but I know she is hurt, but as is common, refuses to apportion blame.

Slim: my mum's friends are slightly younger than her but are all lively and active people who really have no excuse. If they themselves were unable to get about I would fully understand, but this lot seem to have made a choice.

Thanks again for listening folks - means a lot.

flipper

FREEDOM FIGHTER- It's very true what you say. Because Jehovah's Witnesses are under a " cult mind controlled " personality many times they lose their " authentic " personality they were born with without the JW influence. It's still in there within them, but been replaced by the JW cult personality. That is why many times non-witness people or " worldly " people as JW's call them respond with more love and true human feeling and empathy because they aren't jumbled up in their minds with JW jargon. I'm glad you and your dad are introducing non-witness people to your mom to be friends. It will save you and your dad's sanity, and although your mom can't see it- it will save hers as well. Good for you ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

My Chat with My Older JW Mom about Missing Meetings due to Health

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