How about this answer: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and since I've always looked at you as a sister and always will, it's really difficult to say whether I think you are pretty and sexy. But as a man, who is also your friend, please understand that worrying about attracting a guy strictly on looks is a bad idea. If you feel confident and good looking, chances are good there will be men out there who view you the same way."
I do not know what to say to my female friend yet.
by asilentone 32 Replies latest jw friends
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John Doe
Good god! Since when have people lost the simple fortitude to tell the truth? I swear, if I were on the receiving end of some of these answers I would be pissed off. It's not that the people actually care about this girl--they're just too weak and spineless to tell the truth. Everyone deserves the truth and nothing less.
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IP_SEC
If she asked me a question, I would assume she would want a truthful response. If I asked a question, I'd want a truthful response. If you canna bear the truth... maybe you shouldnt ask the question. Besides what kind of stupid question is that anyway? She in Junior High?
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drwtsn32
John Doe, you want the truth? I think you're an asshole if you would actually handled this situation the way you claim.
Sometimes the cold, hard truth does more harm than good. Ever hear of a 'white lie'?
If you tell anyone 'no' to such a question, especially if they are clearly hurting and suffering from low self-esteem, you're an asshole.
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White Dove
I meant only about the "am I pretty" question, which is really a stupid question.
I didn't mean lie about everything.
"Does this dress make my butt look big?" That's the classic one that everyone seems to say: Say no! Say no! It's been joked about so much.
I'm not a liar, but really, since when did "you look nice" ever hurt anyone?
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White Dove
White lies save more relationships because they make the other person feel good about themselves.
Sometimes the truth is to harsh and T A C T dictates that we sugarcoat some things.
I was just being cute with my friends one time and asked if they would have stopped by our place just to say hi on their way home from the beach since we are right off the highway. I asked if they didn't really need to like they did that night, but just wanted to. They said, "No. Sorry, just being honest." I was very hurt by these "family" like friends. My heart was broken by their honesty over such a simple just-make-me-feel-good question.
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White Dove
I lie to my mother to spare her feelings when she asks me if I miss her. I always say "yes!" Always. Why, you may ask? Because I'M NOT AN ASSHOLE! I believe in sparing feelings. I don't want to be known as a cold hearted hard ass like John Doe who seems to not possess any tact or soft heart at all.
Oops! I violated a rule for this discussion board.
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White Dove
Jamie,
That is a really good answer and a good option.
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White Dove
Ippy,
You are thinking like a man. If a woman asks you a question, you have to think like the woman. Don't answer the way you would answer a guy. We don't communicate that way. What her question really meant is this: Would you please do me a favor and say something to make me feel better about myself since I've been feeling like schit since the divorce. She could also be saying: Please say something that makes me not feel so rejected.
She is not really meaning "Am I pretty."
I was in the same emotional boat after my divorce. It was the lowest time of my life. I needed to know that not all men see me as a total reject. I even had a crush on an elder during the divorce. I desparately needed to be reassured that I was worthy of affection and worthy of living.
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John Doe
John Doe, you want the truth? I think you're an asshole if you would actually handled this situation the way you claim.
Sometimes the cold, hard truth does more harm than good. Ever hear of a 'white lie'?
If you tell anyone 'no' to such a question, especially if they are clearly hurting and suffering from low self-esteem, you're an asshole.
It's pretty arrogant and condescending to think you know when someone else deserves the truth. You have your opinion of me, and that's your perogative. Here's my take. If the girl is his friend, that means there is something he likes about her. You can almost always say something nice that is legitimate, and still not lie. Not only does this make your compliments actually worth something, it makes people value your advice more. Any gutless coward afraid of confrontation can say what they think a person wants to hear. It takes moral conviction and fortitude to say what is true. That, my friend, is a far cry from being characteristic of an asshole.
And yes, I do occasionally tell small untruths. Never, however, to those I value. To be completely honest with someone should be a compliment, not a conflict.