Jokes for MARY

by rebel8 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • MadGiant
    MadGiant

    HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

    You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

    Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate Jennifer was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

    Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

    About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

    Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.. So he sat down and wrote:

    __________________________________________________________


    Dear Mom,

    I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house,
    I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact
    remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
    dinner.

    Love,
    Brian

    __________________________________________________________


    Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother
    that read:

    ____________________________________________________

    Dear Son,

    I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying
    that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if
    Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

    Love,
    Mom

    Confucius Says

    Confucius Says;

    Man who run in
    front of car get tired.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Man who run behind
    car get exhausted.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Man with one
    chopstick go hungry.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Man who eat many
    prunes get good run for money.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Baseball is wrong:
    man with four balls cannot walk.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Man who fight with
    wife all day get no piece at night.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    It take many nails
    to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Man who drive like
    hell, bound to get there.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Man who fish in
    other man's well often catch crabs.

    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Crowded elevator smell different
    to midget.

  • Nowman
    Nowman

    This is an oldie but a goodie...

    What do you call someone who is dislexic, has insomnia, and is an agnostic?

    "Someone who stays up all night wondering is there is a dog"

    tee hee

    another one...

    what did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

    "your right, you do taste like chicken"

    tee hee

    another one

    these 2 old men had not gotten laid in a long time...

    so they decide to go to a whore house

    Madam answers the door...the 2 men explain their needs to her...she yells to one of the other whores, "go get the blow up dolls"

    That night, their needs are fulfilled and of course they are itchin to talk to one another about it the next day...

    The one old guys says, "how was it for you", "fine" the other guy says, then he says "how was it for you?"

    He says "well, it was weird, I bit her on the shoulder and she farted and flew right out the window"...

    tee hee

    Nikki

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    Doctor: You've got three months to live.

    Patient: Doc, it will take me at least six months to pay you off.

    Doctor: OK. In that case, I'll give you a year.

    ---------------------

    Doctor: You've got six months to live.

    Patient: I would like a second opinion, Doc.

    Doctor: OK. You're ugly, too.

  • Blithe Freshman
    Blithe Freshman

    Two locals sat in a southern tavern talking over beers.

    Suddenly there was a comotion at a nearby table.A woman was choking.

    Billy Bob jumps up and asks the woman can she speak?

    No she nods .

    Then he asks can you breathe?

    Again she nods no.

    Then Billy Bob spins her around , lifts her skirt, pulls down her drawers, and gives her right cheek a big lick!

    In shock the woman spews out a piece of food and begins to breathe.

    When Billy Bob rejoins his friend at the bar, his buddy is much impressed and asks how he learned to do that.

    He replies (must insert southern accent) "I didn't they were just talking about the Hine Lick manuver on the news last night"

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Man walks into Doctors with a steering wheel stuck between his legs.

    Man says: "Doc, you've gotta help me. It's driving me nuts".

  • rebel8
  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    It's driving me nuts

    This joke works better if you make the man a pirate.

  • rebel8
  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy

    Man in lap-dancing club, to dancer: 'Can I smell your pussy?'

    Dancer (disgustedly): 'No'

    Man: 'Oh, it must be your feet then'.

  • Priest73
    Priest73
    It's driving me nuts
    This joke works better if you make the man a pirate.

    And you have to end it with a big "Arrrrrh"

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